On the stage of life, Love ought to be the director.
And tomorrow, at 7 am canada time, I decide my life.
I want to do and to be too many things.
Oh God, teach me to differentiate between the ends and the means.
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Friday, July 09, 2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
The Catastrophe of Success
(excerpts)
But life should require minimal effort. You should not have too many people waiting on you, you should have to do most things for yourself. Hotel service is embarrassing. Maids, waiters, bellhops, porters and so forth are the most embarrassing people in the world for they continually remind you of inequities which we accept as the proper thing. The sight of an ancient woman, gasping and wheezing as she drags a heavy pail of water down a corridor to mop up the mess of some drunken overprivileged guest, is one that sickens and weighs upon the heart and withers it with the shame for this world in which it is not only tolerated but regarded as proof positive that the wheels of democracy are functioning as they should without interference from above or below. Nobody should have to clean up anybody else's mess in this world. It is terribly bad for both parties, but probably worse for the one receiving the service.
Once you know... that the heart of a man, his body and his brain, are forged in a white-hot furnace for the purpose of conflict (the struggle of creation) and that with the conflict removed, the man is a sword cutting daisies, that not privation but luxury is the wolf at the door and that the fangs of this wolf are all the little vanities and conceits and laxities that Success is heir to.
You know, then, that the public Somebody you are when you "have a name" is a fiction created with mirrors and that the only somebody worth being is the solitary and unseen you that existed from your first breath and which is the sum of your actions and so is constantly in a state of becoming under your own violation.
Purity of the heart is the one success worth having.
~ Tenenssee Williams
I'm trying. And about that part about being yourself. I'm starting to feel like, i've never had that part of me defined before. Or at least I thought I had her defined. Now I just look around me, and feel unbearably uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't know what to express, and how. More so, i don't know who.
(excerpts)
But life should require minimal effort. You should not have too many people waiting on you, you should have to do most things for yourself. Hotel service is embarrassing. Maids, waiters, bellhops, porters and so forth are the most embarrassing people in the world for they continually remind you of inequities which we accept as the proper thing. The sight of an ancient woman, gasping and wheezing as she drags a heavy pail of water down a corridor to mop up the mess of some drunken overprivileged guest, is one that sickens and weighs upon the heart and withers it with the shame for this world in which it is not only tolerated but regarded as proof positive that the wheels of democracy are functioning as they should without interference from above or below. Nobody should have to clean up anybody else's mess in this world. It is terribly bad for both parties, but probably worse for the one receiving the service.
Once you know... that the heart of a man, his body and his brain, are forged in a white-hot furnace for the purpose of conflict (the struggle of creation) and that with the conflict removed, the man is a sword cutting daisies, that not privation but luxury is the wolf at the door and that the fangs of this wolf are all the little vanities and conceits and laxities that Success is heir to.
You know, then, that the public Somebody you are when you "have a name" is a fiction created with mirrors and that the only somebody worth being is the solitary and unseen you that existed from your first breath and which is the sum of your actions and so is constantly in a state of becoming under your own violation.
Purity of the heart is the one success worth having.
~ Tenenssee Williams
I'm trying. And about that part about being yourself. I'm starting to feel like, i've never had that part of me defined before. Or at least I thought I had her defined. Now I just look around me, and feel unbearably uncomfortable in my own skin. I don't know what to express, and how. More so, i don't know who.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
Monday, July 05, 2004
And I would go, to the ends of the Earth...
A journey of a thousand li starts with a single step.
Let's get off the edge of our mirrors before we tackle the ends of the earth.
I just wonder how many Hillsong fans really understand what they're singing. I just know that for all that I'm worth, my little frame cannot comprehend the magnitude of such a promise. It's all good now when your greatest problem is how to get to church punctually. But to really live, In His Steps, that requires a sacrifice greater then time or wealth, but one of being.
The ends of the Earth, is within.
Look in, not at.
A journey of a thousand li starts with a single step.
Let's get off the edge of our mirrors before we tackle the ends of the earth.
I just wonder how many Hillsong fans really understand what they're singing. I just know that for all that I'm worth, my little frame cannot comprehend the magnitude of such a promise. It's all good now when your greatest problem is how to get to church punctually. But to really live, In His Steps, that requires a sacrifice greater then time or wealth, but one of being.
The ends of the Earth, is within.
Look in, not at.
Thursday, July 01, 2004
Abide
Please.
I'm just really tired right now.
And when I'm tired, i have this awful way of tearing down everything that stands around me, even myself. So i only see claw-marks everywhere. And blood.
Nevermind the rest of the world, that's the least of your worries.
Get a load of what's in the mirror baby.
Please.
I'm just really tired right now.
And when I'm tired, i have this awful way of tearing down everything that stands around me, even myself. So i only see claw-marks everywhere. And blood.
Nevermind the rest of the world, that's the least of your worries.
Get a load of what's in the mirror baby.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
definAtely so.
Things are different and things are better.
I went to a theatre meeting today. It was good being back in Singapore with all fringe and wafflily stuff. Again, i felt on par with everyone else. It was hard in Canada, being the only Asian in an all-white cast, doing a play that has absolutely no connection with your culture. Some things haven't changed. I know my accent annoys the hell out of everyone. I'm sorry. It annoys me too.
But anyhow, I am starting to agree with the concept of "Beauty Night" in Canada. That from an external transformation can trigger off an internal change. I'm not saying that superficiality ought to be the new black, it's just that a change in perception can bring about a lot of things.
Still. It's all about perception.
I don't know where i'm going with all this.
I think i try too hard.
Things are different and things are better.
I went to a theatre meeting today. It was good being back in Singapore with all fringe and wafflily stuff. Again, i felt on par with everyone else. It was hard in Canada, being the only Asian in an all-white cast, doing a play that has absolutely no connection with your culture. Some things haven't changed. I know my accent annoys the hell out of everyone. I'm sorry. It annoys me too.
But anyhow, I am starting to agree with the concept of "Beauty Night" in Canada. That from an external transformation can trigger off an internal change. I'm not saying that superficiality ought to be the new black, it's just that a change in perception can bring about a lot of things.
Still. It's all about perception.
I don't know where i'm going with all this.
I think i try too hard.
