It's ok to lie.
~ My father on biblical principles.

It basically boils down to the question of honoring God. Which do you worship, the precepts or the person? Think Rahab, think Samson, think King David... I will not bother to elucidate. If you don't agree, then don't. Don't let this stumble you.

And then today, I walked past the FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT store in Junction 8. I stopped and stared at the obscene ads for their FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT discount cards and FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT original-product garuntee. Can I help you? Of course it would come from the sweet young thing behind the counter, itself clad in a FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT. I then proceeded to give her a piece of my mind.

I came back later with the boyfriend, and pointed out the 'SOCIAL HAZARD - I WILL NOT CONFORM' black hoodie that was proudly displayed, a true marker of funkiness. Of course, it conformed entirely with the social lingua franca of American Coolness. And with it, the hope to encase an eager drug and alcohol-free celibate christian body who's conciousness is entirely immersed in the world's notions of consumerism, capitalism and social cannibalism.

My mother tells me that I shouldn't have gone into a relationship with Belmont as it is very hard to make a decision while being overseas. I think the decision has already been made.

'I never thought I'd be able trust anyone as much as I trusted Dennis. But with this guy, I trust him more.'
'Can he trust you?'

Oh please have faith in me.

And then there are the people who stand in marked contrast to me. Almost in hostility, and for no reason other then a difference in opinion. I have made it a mandate to live in peace with all Man and to love as deeply (and faithfully) as possible. I will try not to tire of being good. But what makes difference a reason for defence and hostility anyway? Only because we think we're the core of the universe. Seriously.

I haven't been updating only because I do not wish to sicken the general public of the details of how head-over-heals I am in love with the Boyfriend. I would like to exercise some consideration for the public. This is, afterall, on public domain.

I am so windswept and fickle. I belong both here and there, in Singapore and Vancouver. I want to love each correctly. I do not want to betray, nor fawn needlessly over either. Dear Lord, give me wisdom and truth in being.

你，一定会回来新加坡。你一说‘落叶归根’这成语，我就知道你肯定回来的。
~ Krono's dad.

When the only thing he asks of you is to be honest, then you know you have found something very special.

And don't ever, ever, let anything tell you that you are unworthy or not beautiful. If you do not bleed for these lies, someone else will.

I want to love another girl like how Tori loves Beenie.
Or vice versa.

If you want inside her, well, boy you better make her raspberry swirl.
Things are getting dear desperate when all the boys can't be men.
Everybody knows I'm her friend, everybody knows I'm her man.

"In some of my relationships with a few of my women friends, I play a certain role. Heh, this is really getting in...I know, I hope my father's not watching this. He just doesn't know what to do. The straight-jacket's coming. But you know I always told my dad - you know, gays, lesbians, he just has to get used to it. One of the neices and nephews is gonna be one, he's just gotta get ready. So what I said was ah to Beenie, who's the love of my life. My husband understands this, that we're married. We're absolutely married. And I adore her with all my heart. And she's dated some idiots. And I hope you're watching. I want you to know what I think of you and in another life, I'll absolutely kick your ass. And I'm going to kick it right now actually, because this is for her and I'm in love with her." ~ T. Amos in Storytellers

"The animus in me is raspberry swirl, I'm in love with my women friends, but I just don't eat pussy. But I'm in love with them. If I had a different sensibility, then you know I think I could, you know, really fulfill someone down there, where a lot of men in their lives don't. And eating pussy is a metaphor, too - it's about crawling in there, being with their juices, really being with them."

Oh, she has something that I jealously want.

Go ahead. Own me.

'I don't think I deserve a guy like you.'
'What? I feel undeserving of a girl like you.'

'... I guess that means we deserve each other lah. We can maroon ourselves on a desert island and die.'

Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we could never understand
Why some things begin with just love
We can never have it all
No

Dear Tristan, I have always been a little teasing of your taste in music. And 'Rainbow' by Southborder has not been spared the brunt of it. But I would admit, that this song is beautiful and isn't far from the sentiments of my heart.

I have found a friend in you, been confounded and exasperated by your conundrums and choices. I will always adore you for the apparent contradiction that you are. I think we will always be friends in some capacity or other. And while I wish for more of you in my life, I am happy where I am.

And this extrapolates into Dustin, Curto and the rest of the navs. There will be a time to leave. University never keeps you for long, and with the passing of time will come the leaving of friends. I fear April when we will walk our seperate ways. Dustin, you have been a deep blessing to me. I look up to you immensely and have been taught much. I sincerely believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Our friendship has been carefully crafted before hand. You will always have a friend in me.

Dennis: Goodbye. I had a lot more to say, but it is all pointless and passe now. Looking back to the post-it note break up, I can only say that God takes people away from our lives for a reason. I would speculate a lot more, but there is no point. I only wish you the best. Have wisdom, have courage, and above all, peace, joy and Love.

Hello Belmont, this life is wonderful. I won't need to say anything to express how I feel or what I believe. I'd walk you through it, day by day. It has begun.

Can you feel me?
This is such a wonderful place to me

Rainbow ~ Southborder

Whenever Gladys sends me an email, I freak out. I so worry that something has happened to her, that she might be lying across the continent, sobbing broken-hearted tears. And nothing quite picks up my day when I open her email to find:

love you hannah!

-glad

Oh how the Lord is good!

When him exclaiming to your face:
"What kind of SWINE are you?!"
Bring about deeper surges
of affection,
You know you have
found
something very
special.

I know it's Monday and this post really should be for Sunday. But I think things have been internalising. I found grace.

I have had no faith in myself of late. I have recently entered a new relationship, it's of today five days young. In two months, I will fly away. And then God knows what will happen. I've been wrecked with fear. I do not trust myself in anyway shape or form to stay true to a guy who is actually, fundatmentally very different from myself. What will keep us together?

And amid Pastor Wan's message, the message of grace came through. That He is strong in my weakness. I cannot promise that Belmont and I will pull through, but I can promise to try and to submit our relationship into the hands of God.

Speak - say the words that no one else will ever say
Love - love like the world we know is over in a day

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let
We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea
This is the cost of being free

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

And then I found it in myself to speak to Dennis cordially, without a desire to rip his guts out. Reinforced by Dominic's wide eyes and table-pounding fists, I remember how we severed ties, and how divinely ordained it was through post-it notes. (If you want to know the whole story, ask me! Or him!)

Touched once again by the wisdom expressed on his blog, I only want to say this to him:

As God is the answer, take courage in living actively for Goodness and truth.

I think I will always be tender toward him.
For the sake of the soon-to-be very distant past.