I can't believe that time has flown by so rapidly. It seems like only yesterday Gwen screamed "WHAT YOU WAITING FOR?" at my flacid and timorous self as I trotted pensively toward the faculty offices. Now, she has a new album, and I am to leave Singapore in a week.

As Aunty Wenli was saying at fourth-grand-aunt's wake this evening, a lot has happened within these few months. I traversed Indochine with a highly beloved friend and returned to the drama of identity politics. I started school and found my family. I fell in love with two people, at a similar time and chose one. I stage managed, albeit poorly, a church musical and drastically redirected the academic course of my life. I reconnected with old friends and my fourth-grand-aunt passed away.

I am ready to return to Vancouver. So much is waiting for me. and I will meet her head on.

Boyfriend to me:

"You sound more like ozzy osbourne with each passin day"

Oh how sweet. Why, thank you.

I am once again, very happy.

Everytime I stumble, a part of me expects that Belmont will come tumbling after. But he never fails to be a solid rock, strong and patient. I think I've found an anchor.

Let's sail.

Oh and Erwin, you're a great friend. Thank you.
And Gladys.

uErwin tells me, "be fair to everyone, even yourself."

To be honest, my main issue is that I am afriad to discover truth within myself. What if I cannot deal with the truth in my heart, with it becomes glaringly juxtaposed with the reality I am living out?

Since when have I been a slave to my fear? Pffft. Hannah you are beyond this. Trust that God heals and that He is Good.

If fear is the only thing that's stopping you from doing somthing. Do it. Fear isn't a good enough excuse not to.

~ Seth. (my ex-boyfriend, who saw me from boyfriend to boyfriend.)

Today was heavy on my soul. Very heavy.

Now is the dim past. Then was the shining present.... You think you're safe. Until you see a picture like that. And then you know you'll always be a slave to the present because the present is more powerful then the past, no matter how long ago the present happened.

Fall on your knees ~ Anne Marie Macdonald

Several blog posts ago, an anonymous commentor asked "You still love him don't you?". In my indignition, I refused to reply. But today I am resigned, and the answer is yes.

My blood still stirs in his presence.

6th January 2007

I return home to Canada. When will I come back home? What then?

but one night while sleeping alone in her bed,
the phone rang, she woke up, and sat up and said,
"what time is it? what time is it?"
"well it's 5:30 here and it's 2:30 there,
and i won't be home tonight," he said.

the time between meeting and finally leaving is
sometimes called falling in love.

gah. I am so useless.

I am down for a while. Blogging I mean. My laptop has been sent for repair and I hope to get it back soon.

But have a Merry Christmas.

Love you all.

Hannah

I was late, I arrived at 2.40 and I threw a tantrum.
The sleep-deprived boyfriend, who arrived in town an hour earlier to spend time with me before his 3.00 shift, was ever-patient and comforting.

Ah, you know you've found someone special if he is willing to walk you through the pain of your past loves. Belmont reminds me of God. His grace far exceeds his jealousy.

I am repentant.