... yes, complicate me, please.
Monday, September 08, 2008
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Thursday
Bedbug people come to exterminate the last remnants of whatever "bedbugs" there are. Get back at 8 pm and start laundry. Sleep at 3 am
Friday
Wake up at 8.50 for my 9.30 class. Late of course. But I somehow make it in time. Call Jonathan B to tell him that I can't go over to collect some things. Go home. Joy informs me that we never HAD bedbugs. So I quit on laundry. Go back to school to meet Leaf. Come back home to get ready for the boat cruise.
Jin comes over and we make up (not out) and leave for Christian's, bottle of Vodka in hand. Walking down, we hear a honk and a car slide up by us on the road. Georgetti! We get a ride to Christian's, call Chinese food and enjoy.
We leave for the Cruise. Almost late. Running around we find it. Jin drags me away from the man who said "SPEAK ENGLISH" to some Asian dude because I was about to take him down. We get on board and was bored to tears. I met a cool First Nations PhD student doing First Nation's history on identity. I need to talk to him more. He isn't angry. I need to learn.
We leave FINALLY after 4 hours of a terrible band and head to darby's to meet the rest of the law crowd. I had a charming 25 minutes before Tim shows up and takes us out in his car to the Regal Beagle. Exhausted by 2 am, we leave, but not before the guy who has been smiling at me all night says bye. *awkward*
We don't go home. we go to the beach and talk.
I go home. I have no mattress. weh.
Bedbug people come to exterminate the last remnants of whatever "bedbugs" there are. Get back at 8 pm and start laundry. Sleep at 3 am
Friday
Wake up at 8.50 for my 9.30 class. Late of course. But I somehow make it in time. Call Jonathan B to tell him that I can't go over to collect some things. Go home. Joy informs me that we never HAD bedbugs. So I quit on laundry. Go back to school to meet Leaf. Come back home to get ready for the boat cruise.
Jin comes over and we make up (not out) and leave for Christian's, bottle of Vodka in hand. Walking down, we hear a honk and a car slide up by us on the road. Georgetti! We get a ride to Christian's, call Chinese food and enjoy.
We leave for the Cruise. Almost late. Running around we find it. Jin drags me away from the man who said "SPEAK ENGLISH" to some Asian dude because I was about to take him down. We get on board and was bored to tears. I met a cool First Nations PhD student doing First Nation's history on identity. I need to talk to him more. He isn't angry. I need to learn.
We leave FINALLY after 4 hours of a terrible band and head to darby's to meet the rest of the law crowd. I had a charming 25 minutes before Tim shows up and takes us out in his car to the Regal Beagle. Exhausted by 2 am, we leave, but not before the guy who has been smiling at me all night says bye. *awkward*
We don't go home. we go to the beach and talk.
I go home. I have no mattress. weh.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
So I had this horrid sub-letting experience. I returned to the house being in a complete mess, uncleaned cluttered and strewn with stuff that had been left behind by the subletters.
How is it that people can live with such little consideration and self-respect?
Looking around at the mess, I concluded that in Southeast Asia, no one would be caught dead living in such conditions. Dirt there is structural, not personal. If they had a choice, they would put Mr Clean to shame, and they do the best they can with what they have. The cleanest toilet I've been to was in a little village in Laos amongst the pigs and monkeys.
But here. I just don't understand how people can allow themselves to stoop to such levels that I have never seen before. It's really embarrassing. The first thought that came to my mind was Kolkata, and you know that that's really really bad.
This is Vancouver.
How is it that people can live with such little consideration and self-respect?
Looking around at the mess, I concluded that in Southeast Asia, no one would be caught dead living in such conditions. Dirt there is structural, not personal. If they had a choice, they would put Mr Clean to shame, and they do the best they can with what they have. The cleanest toilet I've been to was in a little village in Laos amongst the pigs and monkeys.
But here. I just don't understand how people can allow themselves to stoop to such levels that I have never seen before. It's really embarrassing. The first thought that came to my mind was Kolkata, and you know that that's really really bad.
This is Vancouver.
Monday, August 25, 2008
I want to be sure, and to act with decisiveness.
Just because you're strong and loud and mainstream, does not mean that you are right.
What is truth? What does rightness mean?
It would be pointless to search for the right answer (or approach) I guess. I've seen too many opinions and experiences. What encapsulates us and makes us one? If we can find that, maybe we can find 'truth'. And no, don't give me that humanity/human race we are all one shit. That's like saying we're all united by carbon - all hail carbon. Carbon is the answer. If you get too big and vague, there can be no meaningful application.
So, I can't/won't find any answer. But I want to be decisive. I don't want to waffle, and I don't want to bend to whatever people say. I also don't want to be arrogant, closed-minded, stubborn and myopic about my stance, simply because, it cannot be fully right. When the latter happens, people no longer have conversations, they just talk - loudly, without listening. Why? Because being wrong hurts. Not only is it painful admitting that you're wrong, but there's a pretty high chance that you've built a bit of your identity around the position that you've adopted. So being wrong means having your identity shaken.
I just want to be gracious while being strong. To understand and empathize, even if I disagree. To understand that there is a person behind the opinion - it doesn't mean that I must patronize and agree, but it should lead me to be gentle in the presentation of my ideas.
I don't know. I've got a stake in this bubble called truth too, and it could hurt me. I am water. I take the path of least resistance, but I still am. And I absorb stuff along the way.
Just because you're strong and loud and mainstream, does not mean that you are right.
What is truth? What does rightness mean?
It would be pointless to search for the right answer (or approach) I guess. I've seen too many opinions and experiences. What encapsulates us and makes us one? If we can find that, maybe we can find 'truth'. And no, don't give me that humanity/human race we are all one shit. That's like saying we're all united by carbon - all hail carbon. Carbon is the answer. If you get too big and vague, there can be no meaningful application.
So, I can't/won't find any answer. But I want to be decisive. I don't want to waffle, and I don't want to bend to whatever people say. I also don't want to be arrogant, closed-minded, stubborn and myopic about my stance, simply because, it cannot be fully right. When the latter happens, people no longer have conversations, they just talk - loudly, without listening. Why? Because being wrong hurts. Not only is it painful admitting that you're wrong, but there's a pretty high chance that you've built a bit of your identity around the position that you've adopted. So being wrong means having your identity shaken.
I just want to be gracious while being strong. To understand and empathize, even if I disagree. To understand that there is a person behind the opinion - it doesn't mean that I must patronize and agree, but it should lead me to be gentle in the presentation of my ideas.
I don't know. I've got a stake in this bubble called truth too, and it could hurt me. I am water. I take the path of least resistance, but I still am. And I absorb stuff along the way.
I already miss my brother terribly.
This summer has been about growth and rest, about being weary and yet finding rejuvenation. It was about retreating and moving forward, about letting go and moving on. And even if I can't, at least I know which direction I need to go. I lost of bearings for a while - necessarily - and it cleared my mind from the images that I had painted for myself. They weren't wrong, but they were painted too hastily. As if I were painting what I had heard in the distance instead of what I would actually see. But I think I've taken a step back for a step forward.
Over worship practice I discovered an unapologetic drive for excellence - and I know where to find it. Jeff reminded me that both hate and love lead to hurt, so I must be careful to invest these emotions (state of beings?) wisely - I think I've wasted too much on the Drummer, and sometimes I fear that I've lost too much, and am losing still. I am grateful for being able to actually choose my idea of good, instead of having it been handed to me. The structures of ignorance go deep, but should I let that dim the beauty that I might share? I hold on too tightly to life, forgetting that there is more.
I feel heavy and trance-like, as if I've been spending all my energy rearranging the furniture in my head. I talk to myself, coaxing, calming and cajoling myself to get out and be. I need a lot of affirmation.
This has been a great summer, and this will be a good year. Deeper and quieter. I am yearning for goodness again.
This summer has been about growth and rest, about being weary and yet finding rejuvenation. It was about retreating and moving forward, about letting go and moving on. And even if I can't, at least I know which direction I need to go. I lost of bearings for a while - necessarily - and it cleared my mind from the images that I had painted for myself. They weren't wrong, but they were painted too hastily. As if I were painting what I had heard in the distance instead of what I would actually see. But I think I've taken a step back for a step forward.
Over worship practice I discovered an unapologetic drive for excellence - and I know where to find it. Jeff reminded me that both hate and love lead to hurt, so I must be careful to invest these emotions (state of beings?) wisely - I think I've wasted too much on the Drummer, and sometimes I fear that I've lost too much, and am losing still. I am grateful for being able to actually choose my idea of good, instead of having it been handed to me. The structures of ignorance go deep, but should I let that dim the beauty that I might share? I hold on too tightly to life, forgetting that there is more.
I feel heavy and trance-like, as if I've been spending all my energy rearranging the furniture in my head. I talk to myself, coaxing, calming and cajoling myself to get out and be. I need a lot of affirmation.
This has been a great summer, and this will be a good year. Deeper and quieter. I am yearning for goodness again.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Today was fun. A lot of things happened that were enjoyable, that made me happy and excited.
1. Worship practice in Church with just my brother and I. Just two voices that blend. I rarely get to experience music this way.
2. Going to my brother's 'concert' at Kovan CC, and running into a million and one people, including the poor chap I embarrassed on the MRT on the way home.
GLG: You look familiar. You're the girl I tried to give my seat to on the MRT... I thought you were pregnant... it was the dress.
yay.
3. Deciding to jam with my brother, at the bus stop. Receiving applause from the security guard and other onlookers who had stopped in their tracks to listen. They asked for more. Oh public acceptance is nice.
1. Worship practice in Church with just my brother and I. Just two voices that blend. I rarely get to experience music this way.
2. Going to my brother's 'concert' at Kovan CC, and running into a million and one people, including the poor chap I embarrassed on the MRT on the way home.
GLG: You look familiar. You're the girl I tried to give my seat to on the MRT... I thought you were pregnant... it was the dress.
yay.
3. Deciding to jam with my brother, at the bus stop. Receiving applause from the security guard and other onlookers who had stopped in their tracks to listen. They asked for more. Oh public acceptance is nice.
