*stress*

dear god, please please please please please!!!!

So she was skimpily dressed. Did she deserve to be molested? 

Being drunk (as a male and thus being excused from disrespectful behaviour) in itself is not a good enough excuse, especially if one voluntarily gets himself drunk with the knowledge that he might commit such acts. Perhaps it does mitigate the act to a certain degree, but it in no way absolves responsibility.

I do not think that a woman ever "deserves it" or "was asking for it". Unless she fully and unreservedly gives VERBAL consent, no man can claim that she had it coming. It is the responsibility of the man to ensure that she has given him full consent, and not the other way round where he 'assumes' that she wants it until she says 'no'. Simple reason: it's HER body, and he has no right to it unless she gives him permission.

Intoxication vitiates consent.

Therefore, it is not the responsibility or the fault of a woman that a man treats her badly, regardless of her dressing or behaviour. It might be tasteless and unbecoming but that does not warrant unwelcome physical contact. Women need to take responsibility - they need to claim ownership of their bodies, develop self-respect, respect men as creatures of sufficient mental capacity to make proper choices, and not tolerate such behaviour.

I think that the issue is that society tends to confuse guilt with foolishness. It is not a crime to be dumb, as it is not a crime to walk down a deserted back alley at night carrying a bag full of cash. It is a crime to mug, and the mugger can't say : "Oh well she happened to be there with a whole wad of cash" and expect to be let off. We need to address both issues: women need to smarten up and develop self-respect and violators need to be punished.

It more of an issue of respect for women and their bodies - we want to live in a world where women do not need to take the extra precaution to put themselves out of harm's way because the harm does not exist. It's like hoping to live in a world where the colour of your skin does not matter and does not fix you in a particular social class. It still does, but there is ample social awareness and effort taken to lessen the effects.

The gender issue is systemic and institutional, and social attitudes can change for the better. The burden on women to "keep themselves out of harm's way", while necessary for now, is not something that we should hope to keep.

Again, we need to work through both avenues, and women, really really need to learn to respect themselves and to take ownership of their own bodies: To be responsible for them, and to enjoy them.

Off post-secret:

"I knew things were changing when my Fraternity Brothers threw a guy out of the house for making fun of me for being gay."

I love little victories of goodness. 

When it all comes crashing down and I'm broken again, you can say "I told you so". It's ok and I won't hold it against you, because I've stopped listening to what you have to say.

I am proud to say that I've done my best. I am at peace and the only frustration I feel is that of entrapment.

Boomz

Because for all the times I've ignored myself, I turned out to be right. Carrying myself is burden enough and I am enjoying not listening anymore. Sorry.

Wise enough to carry the scars, without any blame...

So whose fault was it? Why? Was it my stupidity, my naivete? My sheltered upbringing? The Church? It's nice to know that these things don't matter as much as growing wiser and stronger.

... there's no one to blame

These days I struggle still to be whole, unified and one. I'm not sure if this was something that I ever was, truly, or if I ever need to be. But at least, I am looking to be happy with myself and I think that's all that one can ask for. Afterall, there's only me to live with here.

"Surprisingly few scars"

Only because I have had the support of wonderful friends and family.

Be it Singapore or Vancouver, I return to each home to remember who I am.

It is good to be home, even if I don't know when I'm coming back and I'm only here for 4 days. I just hope I do what I need to do.

I figure that courage, like forgiveness and grace, is a choice. It is also a grave affirmation of truth and love in the present, instead of a fear of an unknown future.