Cherry

Really,
don't misplace your passion,
don't deny your worth,
don't waste in fear,
don't fear to leave.

We're all worth so much.

So show us all the beauty we possess, but if we'd only let ourselves believe...

In light of my statement to cherry, I'd like to quit my job.
No, by bosses are nice, the pay is good, the scope drop-dead easy...
That's the thing

I've come to realise that our dreams in life can be pretty much alike to a jason brook's picture


Perfect.
Gorgeous.
Clean.

Fake.
Nothing but a desire.

ouch

So why bother?
What's with the mango and Ck jeans, Topshop skirt, high-end make-up?

Why is she so concerned with stupid things?
Because stupid things don't hurt.

Yes there goes a little moment of intro-spection.

yup Andrea, that kinda answers everything, you know... the mundane.
Thanks for that night of bitching. I loved it.

I censured the poem below... Then i changed it back. Would't be justice, altering a work of art. Harder since yes, I do like Phillip Larkin.
Sorry Dennis.

i was just musing how you dont seem to care that you ARE attractive..

Well baby, I do.
But it's easier to cope pretending that you don't care.
But what the hell, I'm going shopping!

Another thingi from Ling's blog. Yes dennis, i'm talking to you. *wink*

This Be The Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Ha.

I feel as if I've lost my brain. My grasp of language, mediation and delicacy slipping away like a shadow, silently mocking.
I can't do anything about that.

I fear. I've realised that that has evolved into my lifeline. The one thing that gave me worth - words. And now it's slipping away from me.

But then again, it's only words, only vocabulary. So why do I fear so much?
Because you misplace your measure of worth

No, you don't have to shout.

Another girl's paradise...

you caught me lingering
in another girl's paradise
the way she paints the world --
I want that in my life
Emeralds, you should know,
are renting in her meadow
with a stroke beauty lives
how could I resist
you are Desire
~Tori

I got my pay, I'm on my way to sin.

Delicious.

Just let me die
No. God please no.
I've prayed, with a multitude of people,
If only you knew,
if only we knew.

I cannot say anything, that would be worthy of your attention.
For you've experience too much.
Your blood will always rest upon my head.

Give me release
witness me
I am outside
give me peace

Heaven holds a sense of wonder
and I wanted to believe
that I'd get caught up
when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

Passion chokes the flower
'til she cries no more
possessing all the beauty
hungry still for more

Heaven holds a sense of wonder...

I can't help this longing
comfort me
I can't hold it all in
if you won't let me

Heaven holds a sense of wonder...

In this white wave
I am sinking
in this silence
in this white wave
in this silence
I believe

I have seen you
in this white wave
you are silent
you are breathing
in this white wave
I am free
~sarah

I can't say anything to you, I want to...
Please please please, do this for me, don't do anything.
I bleed with you, for you, because of you.
And there's nothing i can do, but read your life, through a little grey box.
Or what's left of it.
But you can be so much more...

you come out at night
that's when the energy comes
and the dark side's light
and the vampires roam
you strut your rasta wear
and your suicide poem
and a cross from a faith
that died before Jesus came
you're building a mystery

you live in a church
where you sleep with voodoo dolls
and you won't give up the search
for the ghosts in the halls
you wear sandals in the snow
and a smile that won't wash away
can you look out the window
without your shadow getting in the way
oh you're so beautiful
with an edge and a charm
but so careful
when I'm in your arms

'cause you're working
building a mystery
holding on and holding it in
yeah you're working
building a mystery
and choosing so carefully

you woke up screaming aloud
a prayer from your secret god
you feed off our fears
and hold back your tears

give us a tantrum
and a know it all grin
just when we need one
when the evening's thin

oh you're a beautiful
a beautiful fucked up man
you're setting up your
razor wire shrine
~sarah

Now what do i do? I cry in my heart when i think of you. I always will.

You, beautiful Loser

Yes Beautiful, I love you.
I pondered upon the price of having you as a friend and i'd have you know that I am grateful that i have you in my life.
I love your honestly, bluntness delivered in love,
I love your fierce sense of loyalty
I love how you refuse to be shortchanged and only demand the best for others as well.

You're pretty much amazing.

Obsessions, it's like sex

She's the face on the radio
She's the body on the morning show
She's there shaking it out on the scene
And she's the colour of a magazine
She's employed where the sun don't set
And she's the shape of a cigarette
And she's the shake of a tambourine
And she's the colour of a magazine
She is strung out on a TV dream
And she's the taste of the gasoline
And she's as similar as you can get
To the shape of a cigarette
~She's in fashion.

A!

It was great seeing her in again... alive and kicking
~dennis

Yes we all felt that way... relieved, joyous, and affectionate.
We'll wait.

Dennis

Off Debbie's blog:

Love begins with a feeling of security, you are warm with a sense of nearness, even when apart. You want nearness, but near or far, you know she's yours and you can wait.
Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Two people do not fall into love, they grow into love
Love is not a feeling, love is a decision, a commitment to a person. Love remains established through whatever life throws at it
Love leads you up. It makes you look up, think up. It makes you a better person than you were before.

True yes? *hug*

I hold my hand

Sometimes the anger and frustration drowns me... all of us.
A great sense of helplessness and a greater sense of loss.

I... we don't know what to do.

should we scream and holler, demanding sense,
senseless, for all sense is perceived.

should we speak in what we coin rational,
we drown... in vocabulary.

So we do one thing, the only open option.

To keep you close, and to always love you... no matter where you go.
No matter how hard you shake your head or how far you walk away.

A swelling between my eyes, and beneath my lungs
I have to learn to see her in flesh, not in my mind or in your heart.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above ye heavenly host
Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost.
Amen.

2 Years ago... or less

It's amazing
How you make your face just like a wall
How you take your heart and turn it off
How I turn my head and lose it all

It's unnerving
How just one move puts me by myself
There you go just trusting someone else
Now I know I put us both through hell

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

It's aggravating
How you threw me on and you tore me out
How your good intentions turn to doubt
The way you needed time to sort it out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me
I'm now saying we ever had the right to hold on
I just didn't wanna let it get away from me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

I'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong
I just didn't think you'd ever get tired of me

But if that's how it's gonna leave
Straight out from underneath
Then we'll see who's sorry now
If that's how it's gonna stand, when
You know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out

Tell me is that how it's going to end
When you know you've been depending on
The one you're leaving now
And the one you're leaving out

The one you're leaving now
The one you're leaving out
~Leave MB20

I had this strange inclination to bleed, everytime this song surfaced. It was a conversation i conjured up in the secret places of my thoughts, the places that i hardly visited for fear of the truth. There, i only spoke with you... that was all i had then you see.

And i will rant and rave this house down...
... and will you still love me?

For as much as you will try, i will try too and against my conscious desire
Nothing you say, i do not know.
Nothing you want, i do not pine for.
Nothing you feel, i do not understand why.

you know i like doing things impactful.
And you know i like reflecting them back.

That was futile baby... and I'm the one who's sorry now.

Deep inside this armor... the warrior is a child

I really love Daniel, and i'm just so glad that after 18 years of sibling strife, we've finally formed a bond beyond blood.

So life has taken an upturn... all the way since my A levels ended. It's as if God is telling me, time to get this right now.
So relationships have solidified, some have dissolved... but all for the better in everything i see His hand.

He has blessed the work of my hands. Despite doing nothing but telemarketing (which may I add has to be the no-brainer job of the year), my boss is (somehow) impressed, though I don't think I've done anything to warrent that. But thank you God.

So work has been going my way, I got my pay, my hours, my scope. Perfect.

You said ask and I'll give the nations to you

And Dennis, I love you.

I'm dead tired.. the smoke is really getting to me. That's it, once i get my teaching license i'm outta there.

But on the whole today went well, the people i call, being teachers are markedly more pleasent then the general populous i guess so that's a plus point.

I got my pay confirmed.

Now i just have to tell them that I can't do saturdays....

anything...

I'm just so so tired..