Stright of to slate of a 14-year-old

If God would cry
When someone good on Earth dies
He would seldom weep
~Jiajia

Well now, let's not go into the theology of it all but the psychology.

Live simply that others can simply live

I used to be unhappy with people who didn't understand the value of money.
Then again, the value of money differs from person to person. we can't be prescriptive

If everyone decided that they needed the barest necessities to survive, we wouldn't get far would we.
No need for great technological advancements,
We're all pretty well off without the wheel anyway.

So without the rich, the wealthy, the powerful.
The desensitized fools who demand at at the pain of others,
We may not be all that well off.

Point being?
Materialism is underrated



Thank you for that walk by the sea. It made me realise how domesitc you are to me, and how beautiful such simplicity can be.

Miss?eve

I'm in love.

6 girls, one apartment, giddy with rocking cresents and black moons and cow and co.

We walked away reverently and stared into the patterned mirror

[twack!] we are 'Miss?eve'

Big heavy weight.
I think it was anticipation, excitment, fear and exhileration.
I hope we know what we're getting into.
I hope we can handle the changes.

I Should have realised something was wrong when he said, "Hi I am Godot, I will be your waiter, I will be back shortly to take your order
life.

FYI

It's the day before the 20th.
On the bed, cool evening sounds.
Cacophany to me.
Tears like mist, barely there but all around.
Unfathomable pain, a sense of the inevitable.
This is like some from of sick surgery. Where some part of this sacred anatomy is wrenched away and separated, but only for a slip in time.
Necessity.
Postive step.
Good.

Only there's no sense of that.
Risk of paralysis, death and more.

I don't know how we'll get through

You are Mango & Peach Shower Gel or
Fresh and sexy, everyone has a secret desire for you to be around them. You seldom enjoy taking centre stage, but the party is never the same without you there. You are a supportive and exciting friend who guarantees laughter and good times.
What Body Shop Product Are You

Don't you just love the lies they sprinkle on you?

Anyhow...

Karmen has been messaging me, Fatin, e-mailing me.
Didn't Burton talk about weening?

Oh well, it's nice to be loved.

I don't understand why I suffer from insecurity.
No matter how much i see in myself. It's never enough.
Strangely,
Never enough not for me, but for my IMAGINATION.
No matter how little I see in other, it's always astonding.
Strangely,
Not astonding to me, but to me IMAGINATION.

He's a cruel cruel person.

Sometimes, on 969 or 858 or 167, we sit together somewhere in a crack of time.
And he holds me, tells me I'm good enough, that I'm almost everything i want.

But in the face of my e-mails, friends and situations, he changes.
He tells me, tells me I'm not good enough, that everything else rises so high up above me that it's futile to even move a finger to attempted to reach out.

He's like a dice.

OH CANADA

I've been accepted.
apprehensive
I'm trying not to cry.

Wednesday 7/5
A very special day to be.
It's renita's birthday
It's the day Dong and I got together. God forbid
It's the last day of school...
... for me anyway.

So I gave back all the scraps of work, wrote Mrs Foo that letter, handed out sweets to the teachers, endured 5 grueling periods of the day, felt the pangs of nostalgia as the sour-sweet scent that lingers in the staff room. Had a farewell party with 2E5, got lots of presents and headed off home.

I was determined not to see them as any less, or to expect any less, for they are not less.
They were different.
I was determined to walk out triumphant, victorious, a winner of hearts.
I walked out, undefeated, but humbled.

So I'm off to rest my mind, to cleanse my temper, renew my language patterns and to enjoy being... me.
To be 3-dimensional again,
to be more then the loud voice at the front of the room,
to be more then the red ink scrawled wearily on the paper
to be more then the homework giver, correction supplier, journal marker, work chaser, attendence taker, photocopier...

to be... free...

I need a cuppa starbucks and a good book.

I walked for 3 hours today, looking for die (the plural of dice why does this language have to be so iffy?)

Thank you for walking with me,
For just being contented with trudging alongside me,
Despite the heat, the discouragment, the distance, the discomfort.
Thank you for being at ease with me, for being effortlessly perfect in my presence.
Thank you for being immensely powerful, and yes knowingly gentle, even though I hardly deserve it.
Thank you not begruding the past.
Thank you for the seeing the good in my past, my future and in me right now.
Thank you for being willing to do anything... almost.

ahhhh... home.

Did you watch The Matrix?
No

Someone, a rather charming young individual at that time (he was a good year and a half younger then me, and a good head and a half taller), came scrambling up in fright.

What if the matrix is real?
What if we really don't exist.
What if this is all an illusion

Who was it? that said " i think therefore I am?"

Well, he obviously wasn't very well versed in his science.

Jostein Gaarder brought this to another dimension through the eyes of a little girl, who was, tragically, fictional. Even to herself.

So what if all that we know, are, see, feel and believe is nothing but twenty pages of fiction in some other parallel world?
What if, we truely don't exist.
What if we are, in essence mere protoplasm blobs with no value of thought and life.

What do we choose to do then?

...

I'd choose to make it matter. In my own protoplam, paperback fictional world.
That's all there is for me anyway.

Falls on knees, clasps hands and...


Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my Wisdom, and thou my true Word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.


It's not easy.

I made a boy cry in class today.
They were all over the place.
Screaming,
Laughing,
Talking,
One boy had to go the the restroom, he exited in drunken stupour, high on ink, his mouth a violent blue.

All crying for attention,
All wanting to go home,
None knowing the meaning of "wait"
None seeing that I am powerless to battle the admin.

Did they think that a 19-year-old relief teacher could march down to the office and persuade the english department to remove library week?!

Hell, they didn't care.
As long as it wasn't them who ended up playing scrabble or Bingo.
God forbid.
I mean, who knows what's next? They constent to play scrabble and before you know it, they're expected to hand in their work on time!
We can't have that can we?

I entered believing in myself.
That "I would not treat them or see them as anything less then the express classes and I will not expect anything less then them simply because they are NOT less"
No of course not.
But they are so different.
So I have to be different.

And I left, not seeing ugliness, not seeing hatred...
Anger yes, pain yes, beauty yes.
I left, no longer believing in myself, but shaken by the vastness of humanity.
There are people whom i cannot engage.

I just wish that they'd see beyond themselves.
That they'd have more respect for me and for each other.
That they'd stop treating me as their equal.
That they'd drop the incessant bullying and malice.
That they'd have more faith in themselves.
That they'd quit being selfish and selfcentered and see that there are people here on the verge of tears because someone doesn't want to play scrabble.

Damn the admin.

At least it wasn't me who dropped the tears.

Egocentricism






find your element
at mutedfaith.com.
<�>




""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla




Neutral:
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.


What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm starting to dislike blogging. I don't have anything to say that's worth putting into words

Will wait.