I'm back, to MY reality.

The trip was amazing really.
Refreshing spiritually yet heart-breaking.

The philippines
Beauty in pain.
An opening of my heart.
My eyes.

A calling?

The team
Struggle.
Awesome bonds built.
A tiny triumph in a big battle.
I hope it stops there.

I'm off to the philippines world.
want anything?

I can't write anymore.
My imagination has left me.
I'm stuck on buses now with boredom or books.
Left in the stink of my inertia.

I'm off to the philippines God.
want anything?

Oh that I could give you back the world.
That I could make that darn "tick-tock" song come true.
That I could just give and not lose.

Then i would take away the colour in the world, make void the human spirit, take away beauty with the pain, remove the meaning of existance, make redundent everything God has done.

In a way perhaps, such is needed for the finite to have a glimpse of what we are otherwise too pathetic to comprehend. It's all about the human experience. God reaches us in a divinely human way. From pain rises glory, from blackness appreciation of white. It's all within the human experience. thank god he knows that.

Don't fret.

Remembering

Scarlet Petaled flower
Even if you were to fade away
Tomorrow would still come
Though never the same as yesterday.

I faded away and things changed.
I dream in fear and you in pain.

it's because of what you went through that you are what you are today.
I can't blot it out. erase it. ignore it.
I have to learn to accept and move on.
To allow that to become a part of me. Naturally.
Maybe it's time to make peace.

There's something about a woman that needs trees

Quite right.
I marvel at the art
the ingenuity of presentation

of course it's up to us to do it justice.
A vision.
May it be so.

I wonder what it's like to know honestly that you're good.
To stand up
With ultimate control, composure...
power

Over the mood
the atmosphere
the people,
and most importantly,
yourself

To know exactly what to wield and the outcome.
To play with the dynamics of the situation like an artist with his canvas.
To pour my being into what I give.
To be beautiful.

Confidence.

I hope it's just PMS.
I cannot trust what I have anymore.

Ok my perm collasped on me.
My hair is way too stubborn to have anything done to it,
Maybe that speaks of my character as well.

I'm perming my hair tomorrow.
Wish me luck.

At some place called "Seah something"
Didn't even get the name right.

Dinner was great.
Something I really looked forward too, and really savoured.
From
The CG to
the Youth to
the worship thing to
Past relationships to
Canada to
the Press to
Friendship to
Service to
me to
You...

...made me see so much more. Challenged what I held firm. Gave me a new perspective, one that has been carefully groomed from 7 years more. Engaged me, made me feel comfortable and engaging, worth something. Refreshed me mentally away from what I have been resting in for the past 3 years.

The funny thing about being uninvolved is that you see a lot. But it doesn't help you grow

*stumped*

Yes you're right.
Last night was a snapshot of what I should let myself have - many times over, in many different ways.
Last night, a little hole in me was filled.

Though I think you did more for me then I did for you.

Perhaps you would have no idea.

Thrid place, Sixth Storey
How would a christian theatre group be different from others?
Well Q, I think I'm going to find out soon. And I think I like it.
Engage me,
Challenge me,
Allow me to give.
Please.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry. I guess you're right.
I should have spoken first to you then to my tempestous rage.
Who's to say that he'd listen? or entertain you? You know that he's just likely to flyishly brush you off.
I know.
But it doesn't matter the disposition. Fact is, I didn't. My portion of decency left bereft.

I'm sorry, I guess I've always had immense respect for your ability as a leader that comes with higher expectations and a harder hit for me when things don't go as I am led to believe.
I'm sorry, I guess I've undersestimated your capacity as a person.

I've been beside myself with anger for the past 3 weeks.
Why didn't you tell me?

My self-rightousness kicked me in the face.
I think I needed this.

I'm sorry.
But in some way, I believe that we both shoulder the blame.

I'm sorry.
But I do not regret this.

...sure

Of course it's alright. Am I meant to demand otherwise?

Sometimes, I wish we could do away with courtesy.
It might help a bit with honesty.

Then again Hannah, you should know better then to trust your fantasies.

Sue me.

I'm so angry.
I haven't been this frustrated and incredulous in my life.
I'd lose sleep if not for the medication.
How the hell did it end up this way?

It was just a bloody schedule

I cannot speak of it without burning.

You
Me
Your brother
Them

Dammit.

One bitten twice shy

Obviously doesn't apply to you.
But we all have something to learn.
Although, sometimes, I think I learn to punish. I'm painfully histronical.

Though as usual I biteth the hand that doeth my blog.