Open 24 hours, 27 billion served.

Just give me an hour's reprieve....
please.

But I have to realise that I cannot be selective in my love,
That I cannot have favouritism in my heart.
That everyone is my neighbour.
That God so loved the world... i.e. the whole damned thing.
And that I have to do that too.

Slowly.

Just don't burn me while I try.

Open wide

And let me in.
I'll be quiet, careful and gentle.
I won't move, or hurt you, or be too strong.

I'll just sit here, let you all be you and... watch.

Knowledge is power...
And power is void with out wisdom and love.
I do not love naturally, and Hannah rises up every once in a while to flaunt brutality in my face.
I love the little finger game, and even more so when it is a challenge.

Drag me to my knees, that I may not hurt, move or be too strong.
Not solely for my sake alone.

I don't show it, but I struggle all the time inside...

With myself

Losing it

I fell...
I feel...
All over the place.
All over the table, the stairs, the floor.
The lounge, the library, the halls, the rooms.

Give me hint, a reminder, a warning, a slap.
Hopefully from God, or me, not you, not them,
Take it back, suck it in, push it down, force away,
Try to forget, to improve, to realise and to change.

How is it that I see perfection in another's imperfections,
Yet loathe what I see in me?

Moderation spreads throughtout the whole, It makes the weakest, the strongest, and those in between... all sing the same song together.
Republic ~ Plato

If you could only see how blue...

Love me tender

... but don't throw me away after...







... especially not in the guy's toilet, in the shower cubical....
... and don't turn on the shower before turning away...



But love me tender anyhow.

T ah-chai

12 mn you come knocking on my door to return a tupperware and to hunt for food.
Is it just me or is that typcial of a Malaysian male?
So we warm up my aunty's muffins and just... talk.

Another one of those little blessings that God has dropped on my doorstep.

A bouy I guess.

"I know more people. You know people more"
~ Me to Thiyachai

Was that a tinge of regret I hear?

When will I ever learn?

I remember thinking that one has to be a complete person before being able to enter into a meaningful friendship.
I also remember that in order to be an individual, one has to have some sort of social solidarity.
So how does that come together?
What have I done?

I guess it's good that I slip and fall once in a while.
Keeps me on my toes.
Not good to get too comfy with your situation.

It's interesting you know, when you're tossed into a foreign place.
Sensitivity is heightened and everything just seems more real.
It's as if moving requires some sort of a concious effort.
To walk...
To open an umbrella...
To tilting your head down so that you see the puddles.

Everything is so new,
It gets tiring sometimes.

Blessings

Thank you God for reminding me once again what I need to find.

Thanks Dennis, for the lift.
Not a big thing I know but believe me, it plays a larger part then meets the eye.
Thank you God too for that.

"don't ever be discontented......that'll make you feel worse."

" your life's beautiful. why let some things that you know will be present for sometime to bother you? live alongside it, it isn't necessarily unpleasant, like my nosey neighbours who's been stealing our sng kim from our plant. "

~ Billy


Friday night out.


Someone's getting annoyed with my obession.


The old-school-bright-red-vacuum-cleaner-that-actually-inflates that I use to clean my room
Woah.

Who?

Which reminds me. What happened to my art?
I don't have theatre in my life anymore.
The only bit left is this basic make-up kit, covered, in my cupboard

Bleeding

In a subtle way.
Maybe my work is done. I've told my story.
Now it's up to Someone else to work.
Eternally.
In your story.

Just well, remember me.

*cough*

I'm ill.
Had way too much fun.
Visited James' (my chrisitan Arts One friend) church friends over a pot-luck.
Rediscovered the need to belong.
Spoke to Goh, a singaporean singaporean.
Made friends.
Had Coffee.
Came back to music and cards.

Woke up weak.

And Plato has been a bitch.

Ack. Praise God anyhow.

It's a beautiful day.
I've come to appreciate the umbrella and the ski - jacket.
There's nothing like walking under an umbrella, watching the rain drip from the sky,
feeling the chill agaist your face while the rest of you is toasty warm,
and shrinking ever so slightly, when the wind come beneath your shelter, causing your hair to dance.

And of course, there's nothing like coming back to your residence,
jeans soaked from the thigh down and fingers numb from the cold.
Flick up the heater,
Toss borrowed umbrella down to dry,
Peel off wet shoes,
Thank God for Ingledew's 'Protector' and dry socks,
Shed wet jeans and slip into warm dry cotten thai pants,
Wrap up in best friend's XL yellow reebok sweater,
Pull out books and highlighter and turn up the radio.

And of course, there's nothing like having precious people come to your room,
To talk,
Borrow boxers,
Laugh,
Then to cook rice and warm up curry,
Watch carebears,
Wash up,
Desert on President's choice Decadebt Chocolate Chunk cookies.

And of course, there's nothing like having the room all to yourself.
To blog,
Sing along to Tracy Chapman,
And listen to the traffic in the rain.

I could live here, like this, for a pretty long time I guess.



And for those who are curious - yes, I have put on weight.

The Importance of Being Ernest
Going Wild(e)

It is not in my nature to love.
I am innately misanthropic.
But I do anyway, or at least I try.

But there's a limit to what I can handle.

"I'm not made of brick,
I'm not made of stone"

And
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
I'm sorry that you all aren't either.

But what bothers me. Seriously bothers me.
Is how sometimes the self is lost to the others.
That it's lost in fear of reproach, of losing.

And what bothers me, seriously bothers me.
Is that respect is lost.

Things don't have to be this way you know.
There are a million and one other alternatives to our current lifestyle.

It's not a right.

Well I bleed and I bruise
oh but what's it to you?
I'm only human on the inside.

Weeeaaak
~Jeff

Bingo.

I feel myself falling into neediness.
I'm consiously looking for that little comfortable place to be me.
And I know that search should have ended ages ago with a little black book.
But now it's moving out into the streets,
The rooms
and the conversations.

Not good.

"I crash and I burn maybe some day I'll learn..."

Till then, I'll just keep reminding myself of the consequences of getting what I want.

Beautiful You.

I love reading your blog because it is an extension of you.
I love hearing the words off the screen as if you were right next to me.
And I live that little part of your life next to you.
And it reminds me that you're still there.

And of how much I love you.
It's come a long way since the class room days and green pinafores.

Hannah? will you hold my hand?
Gladly.

Flowers for....
Me?

Generally I hate flowers.
But for you kor, I'm making an exception.

They're virtual anyway.

And I love them...
They mean a lot to me

Thank you Kor...