Hold on tight

You know she's a little bit dangerous.

Ok people, I'm off to thailand for 5 days come tomorrow so I won't be updating. Not that i've been very... engaging of late (have I ever been?). But anyhow I am looking forward to this.

She's got what it takes to make ends meet.

I was thinking about how imperfect and how human adults are. Looking at my parents I realise that i've always been waiting for the time when I would be perfect. Like them. Then I go off to Canada and realise that there isn't much of a difference between me and the next human being. Oh well. Revalation of the century.

The eyes of a lover that hit like heat.

Bring out the Bikini,
Bring out the tan.
Bring out the perfect skin.
Bring out Jason Brooks.

Did i ever need all that?

See ya all in a bit.

Chariots of Fire

I caught a glimpse of Andrea Bochelli's take on the Olympics.

"...all this is nothing if you do not realize that the strongest muscle is the heart."

All very inspiring and feel-good. But highly dissatisfying. So what? We believe so greatly in the beauty of the human spirit and the strength of the human will. We harp on humanity's innate goodness and the satisfying nature of charity, love and reaching out.

But what's the point? where's the fulfilment? If it only lasts for the moment, even if the moment is a century, how can it be of any value?

Humanity has had a history of never being enough. Of lacking, of falling, of being depressingly hopeless. The little spurts of 'nicety' fade away and are immediately overshadowed by our natural nature of selfishness, solipsism and short-sightedness.

Ever Mr Dalai Lama's furry 'Here and Now' path to contentment feels imcomplete and inadequate next to eternity.

There's a need to go further, to be more, to be long-lasting, to be able, to be strong, to be pure, to be beyond, to be... infinite

And there's only one way.

I went to the National Sailing Center today and I met Ramli. A national sailor who coached me in my little optimist a good decade ago.

"Are you still sailing?"
"No. I quit a decade ago..."

Times like this I feel like such a failure. The frustration is so overwhelming. Wasted Chances. Wasted lives. What really bites is that I didn't give myself the chance to excel. And I know I would have.

"He said that you had so much potential"

And Ballet.
How could I look 4 distinctions in the eye and say "I'm quiting?"

Then I observe, and praise God for the bad decisions in my life.
In them He makes beauty.

And He will keep doing so, if I keep listening.

Tell me what to achieve
Baby, so I can move forward.
Car crashes, TV shows, a drunked on the side of the road,
People running wild.
Car Crashes || Steadfast

And while you're at it, make me dangerous.

You're alright Hannah.

Dig deep
look up
let go

WOOT!

I SAY

Deliver me from perfect skin and slim bodies.

I am not my Swedish furniture.
Or my Mango Wardrobe.

I wonder what Neitzsche would have to say about this renunciation. But then again, It doesn't matter. I feel like I can take up my camera again. A pity I lost one of the batteries. It's things like these that make me want to throw a tantrum. How what when why did you lose that battery!

So i'm back here, finding my old self again. Trying on the same skin the same eyes the same self. Not good.

But anyhow, the world is new.

So it's been 5 days. I'm still in a daze. Missing the Navs, some arts one peeps, Robby, J, Magic, Seth... and being able to fit into my shorts. I'm prosperous. Good ol Larry and I are becoming quite bonded. Except we can't seem to agree on the adjective that best suits the typical singaporean Girl

I say it's beautiful,
Larry says it's Anorexic.

So anyway, apart from body shape, I'm finding myself very much out of the loop with the singaporean culture. I stand in the middle of town, gazing at the skinny, impeccably dressed creatures drifting around me.

I observe the gait, I cannot appreciate.
I listen to the language, I cannot communicate.
I marvel at the hair colour, I cannot understand.

So I'm here in a sort of cultural limbo.

"This feeling of isolation and exclusion is something that you should always keep praying for. This means that you will have to depend on God fully."
~Daniel.

I want to go Home.
I want to know where that is.

Oh but don't be mistaken, I am very very happy now.

I'm feeling very very lost right now. It's funny being back here as a totally new person. I can't even walk right. In Canada there's so much space, walking down the street takes no extra effort. Today i bumbled around the milling crowd at TM. I swear this takes talent.

Shopping calls out again.
It's amazing. I don't know what to do with this cry.

Everybody everybody.

I'm back in Singapore.

It'll be awhile before I get my system running again.

Love you all.

If there's anything I desire right here and now, it is to be pure and true.



Teach me not to cleave.
Teach me not to cling
Teach me not to yearn.
Teach me not to fear.

Teach me to let go.

Just be.

I'm leaving now.
Zai Jian.
Do widzenia.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Till we meet again.
And from the nature of the language, we will.

Amen.