And so it is.

What you lack in experience you make up for in humility and discipline
~DQ

in everything and anything.

Recognize that those who rail fiercely, pathetically asserting whatever sliver of authority and righteousness that they have (or think they have) with willpower and violence, really do so out of insecurity.

So to them (or us), and to the rest of the world, be humble.
Be very humble.

Bend gracefully, for such artistry is the greatest strengh to be learnt.

Like water; flowing peacefully beyond the realms of violence, it takes the path of least resistance. And in doing so, carves canyons out of stone.

God didn't choose to win the world over by asserting violence and authority.
He did so through grace.

Lord, teach me not to triumph over my enemies with such verbage.

I'm back, with the world falling to my feet splintering to pieces.
Irreconcilable.

Standing helpless in the midst of change, I find the futility of planning my course in my mind when the Lord determines my steps. Perhaps this isn't so bad.

The heart-hurt though came today when I surrendered my NRIC, Passport, and Citizenship Cert to the ICA. I don't know what to do. And it costs a bomb to travel around SEA on my Canadian passport. Dammit.

Anyway, anyone want to go to Thailand 11-18th of june? I have a ticket I need to sell. Will go cheap.

Home

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow in love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sorrow, joy.

Oh divine master grant that I may, not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be love as to love.

For it's in giving that we receive,
and it's in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it's in dying that we are born into eternal life.

Amen.

How can I be so selfish?

Am I anywhere near ready?

Face pressed against the ceiling, I was shoulder pressed by Dave, Tony's 6ft 6 friend from Wisconsin. Tom and I spun frisbees around, running and laughing hard.

Talking to Mel I realise that my life comes to me easy.
And I am in danger of seeing everything as cheap.

Grace is costly.
Thank you.

And I love you more then anything in this world

The older I get, the more I anticipate being my parent's daughter.
Life does go in circles.

Love, your baby girl.

"Can you try to fit in?"
~ Thi to me, at the sinocentric Bubble tea shop.

"This is a great place!" says I in a genuine attempt to engage, "how did you guys find this place?"
A couple of confused looks. "You just kinda... know this place. If you're chinese."

Am I? I drink Starbucks' maple macchiatos in Kerrisdale.
Is that enough to nullify my cultural heritage and identity?

THE SHIT IS BANANAS
I am blonde.

A year and a half ago, I identified this man as Samuel L. Jackson.

Today, I went through 40% of my final exam commenting on a quote by Mahatma Ghandi, thinking that he was a chick. Somehow, I had a little brain fart and was under the impression that they were talking about his daughter, Indira.

Today, I learnt that Indira has no relation, whatsoever to Mahatma.

Today, I made soup without water, and burned it.

Some of us have infinity planted in us in odd ways. Yesterday, Today, Forever, I will ever be blonde.
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I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow,
I want to breathe in the open wind
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
I want to kiss like lovers do
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
I want to dive into your ocean
And you've told me who I am. I am yours.
Is it raining with you?

Stepping out from my Chinese final was a less-than-triumphant moment for me. Travelling purposefully down the halls of the Buchanan B block brought surprising tears to my eyes. I am finally done with Chinese, academically speaking at least. I found myself quaking with irony and fear, recalling the exuberation I would feel at the end of each passed exam in Singapore. It meant a year less of Chinese and as I worked my way toward the AO levels when it would all

Stop

I didn't think I would ever need to touch the loathsome language. ever. again. But somehow, deep in my bones, I always knew that God would call me back into the Sino world again. And here I am, three years later with twelve credits of upper level Chinese courses under my belt.

But no, no joy in completion or renunciation of learning. But rather, a tender sort of nostalgia in understanding that in taking ludicriously difficult chinese courses filled with native speakers, in White Land Canada I have brought to the battle front of my identity. Who am I as a Canadian Born, Singaporean-bred, Anglo-speaking, Protestant, Straits Chinese Girl?

In wrestling with my ethnic and cultural identity, these courses have imbued in me a burning desire to be more Chinese, to speak, think and be Chinese. And ending my courses have filled me with fear that this will be the last strings of contact I will have with the Chinese culture before giving it all away.

But perhaps, as God would have it, this is only the beginning.
Where are you taking me?
Give me strength to go. Alone.

Tomorrow will be better.
...fo' shizzle




This made my evening.

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I remember the June of last year, over lunch and agony, with you holding on to an iPod that you had no intention or means of using.

Today, I realise that since then, I've been trying to understand that nothing you would ever hold in your hands (or heart) again, would be for me.

Oh how I am weak!
And how we have been foolish.

Intertia Crepes, moving up slowly

Warm and sunny today. Glen and I sat for two hours in the blazing evening, him with a crepe and me with chinese take-out. We had our annual meeting of catching up and talking of life, school, Jason and future summers. We should meet more, and do more then just talk. I think there's a reason why we meet once a year - with the amount of intellectulized talking, there's only room for so much. We need to diversify our relational economy.

But since we're going places, and doing wildly different things, I'm sure we'll have plenty of material to work with. I'm quite pleased with the proposition of a an extra-annual meeting - In Tanzania.