I am so in Singapore right now. I guess that's a good thing, enjoying where you're at and really being here, in the community. I have to say that I have the best family in the world. I could gush but it's really pointless*.

Where you stand affects the perception of what you see. I stand here, and I look there. And I wonder if it's worth it. We buy, we sell, and as much as I rail against Economics as a sort of self-perpatuating lie, over-rated and distorted... we buy and sell. We change this for that, and in relationships, him for her.

And I am sure I have. And I sometimes find myself asking if it was worth it.
No, worth is the wrong question to ask, this isn't a question of economics.

Was it wise?

And now that I am persuing. Is this wise? And ever so quietly, is it worth it?

* So daddy tells us this highly ridiculous story of a this time in Israel with the ship when he saw a squrriel. He was so excited, he took off the shirt he was wearing, threw it on the unsuspecting animal and rushed off to share his new pet with his teammates.

They looked, they saw, they ran. It was actually a skunk.

I just have images of my dad, topless, holding a bundle the size of a baby and calling it a squrriel. This beats the time he tried to wash his car in Calgary, in sub-zero weather.

I am holding a huge lump of shit in my hands.
The celing fan underwhich my extended family sits pensively spins hard and fast.
Like inevitability runs.

I had an absolutely rad thought today that I wanted to get blogged down, but it slipped by the catches of my mind and I can't seem to find it anymore. Oh well.

Life in Singapore hasn't been anything spectacular, I've been giggling a lot with old friends, painting the town red with new ones and finding flames in the oddest places.

Tristan and Dennis: Two people from my youth still dancing strong. Watching their salty backs swaggering to some brain-numbing skirt-chasing tune, I caught a smile on my lips as my heart succumbbed to all resistance toward affection.

Cherry: For when we talked of sibling sex.

Erwin and Belmont: My social circle is only a circle because the two of you were uncovered holding hands in my life.

Shubs and JB: For being Canadian, and Singaporean with me.

Oh I could go on, but I really need to shower, I'm feeling gross. But before I finish I just wanted to note a funny trend that has occured of late:

4 boys, 4 geeks, and a lady (by some definition).

UBC physics or just plain wacko social theory; I've had a blast. Please let's have more beers in void decks or walks along hertiage Singapore.

And then the Hockey. So Colin and I are the newest hardcore fans of the Winter Flames.
For their big hearts, heterogenity, and humanity. For car rides that urge me to reevaluate my life and 4 am suppers.

All because of Ian.
Because I will always have a soft spot for him no matter how much of a bitch he decides to become.
And you know you love me, and always will.

And my parents. My mummy makes everything all ok.
She held my hand today when I was getting shots.
Then I held hers.

And so it is.

What you lack in experience you make up for in humility and discipline
~DQ

in everything and anything.

Recognize that those who rail fiercely, pathetically asserting whatever sliver of authority and righteousness that they have (or think they have) with willpower and violence, really do so out of insecurity.

So to them (or us), and to the rest of the world, be humble.
Be very humble.

Bend gracefully, for such artistry is the greatest strengh to be learnt.

Like water; flowing peacefully beyond the realms of violence, it takes the path of least resistance. And in doing so, carves canyons out of stone.

God didn't choose to win the world over by asserting violence and authority.
He did so through grace.

Lord, teach me not to triumph over my enemies with such verbage.

I'm back, with the world falling to my feet splintering to pieces.
Irreconcilable.

Standing helpless in the midst of change, I find the futility of planning my course in my mind when the Lord determines my steps. Perhaps this isn't so bad.

The heart-hurt though came today when I surrendered my NRIC, Passport, and Citizenship Cert to the ICA. I don't know what to do. And it costs a bomb to travel around SEA on my Canadian passport. Dammit.

Anyway, anyone want to go to Thailand 11-18th of june? I have a ticket I need to sell. Will go cheap.

Home

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow in love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sorrow, joy.

Oh divine master grant that I may, not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be love as to love.

For it's in giving that we receive,
and it's in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it's in dying that we are born into eternal life.

Amen.

How can I be so selfish?

Am I anywhere near ready?

Face pressed against the ceiling, I was shoulder pressed by Dave, Tony's 6ft 6 friend from Wisconsin. Tom and I spun frisbees around, running and laughing hard.

Talking to Mel I realise that my life comes to me easy.
And I am in danger of seeing everything as cheap.

Grace is costly.
Thank you.

And I love you more then anything in this world

The older I get, the more I anticipate being my parent's daughter.
Life does go in circles.

Love, your baby girl.

"Can you try to fit in?"
~ Thi to me, at the sinocentric Bubble tea shop.

"This is a great place!" says I in a genuine attempt to engage, "how did you guys find this place?"
A couple of confused looks. "You just kinda... know this place. If you're chinese."

Am I? I drink Starbucks' maple macchiatos in Kerrisdale.
Is that enough to nullify my cultural heritage and identity?

THE SHIT IS BANANAS
I am blonde.

A year and a half ago, I identified this man as Samuel L. Jackson.

Today, I went through 40% of my final exam commenting on a quote by Mahatma Ghandi, thinking that he was a chick. Somehow, I had a little brain fart and was under the impression that they were talking about his daughter, Indira.

Today, I learnt that Indira has no relation, whatsoever to Mahatma.

Today, I made soup without water, and burned it.

Some of us have infinity planted in us in odd ways. Yesterday, Today, Forever, I will ever be blonde.
-------------------------------------------------------------

I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow,
I want to breathe in the open wind
A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind.
I want to kiss like lovers do
Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
I want to dive into your ocean
And you've told me who I am. I am yours.
Is it raining with you?