I really have nothing intelligent to say. Maybe this.

Words, words, words, have you heard
A bird in hand is much better than,
Any number free to wander
Fly away...stay
You pay for what you get
You pay for what you get

Everybody asks me how she's doing
Since she went away
I said I couldn't tell you
I'm okay, I'm okay
Surprise, surprise you pay for what you get
You pay for what you get

[Pay for what you get ~ DMB]

Yes. Nothing in the relational realm happens by chance. Here is where concious decision-making has the most impact. Two together, to create and call into being. I might have left, but put simply, you didn't stay. And I'm glad you didn't.

So the difference between the promises made today and those uttered two years ago, is that these today were made with a sincere, and not desperate, heart. And that these today were made by a soul with the strengh, will and conviction to carry them, and me, through.

I stood staring quizzically at the two cups of teh and the blueberry muffin trying to cheograph the feat of carry three items within the reaches of my two small hands.

“啊，那边有 tray 你可以拿来用。” The drink store uncle suggests.

It then dawns upon me that I have the solution to end all problem: “不用！我有男朋友！”

So I turn around and hollar across two or three tables, "Boyfriend!!". And as sure as the sun rises, he turns his head in my direction, stands and walks over with the muscle needed to carry the two tiny cups of tea back to the table.

'... no wonder the uncle looked so amused. But I think I can handle that.'

Haha! You're in love!
~ Dustin's email to me.

Yes sweetheart, I am in love.

With Belmont, my mother (who held me while I took my jab), my father, my brother, you Dustin, and your sweet girl Belle, with my cousin Isabelle, with Gladys who loves me dearly too, with Angie with whom I need to date, with Erwin, with Jacky, Nick and his posse, Major Tom, Andy, Ling, Jiayin, Andrea, Darius who completes Belmont and I, Curtis, Sue, Shubs, Sarah, Mel, Glen, Thiyachai CB hubby, Joshie and Lyndis, Greg and his family, Shawn Tan, Shaun Quah and Glen, Ian Tann and his lady Theng, DJ, Aruna, Seth oh darling Seth! Cherry Werry and Deeq, Robbay Boy and his sweet christmasy family, Summerland! Luke kor kor- waltz back into my life, Neel from sweet Manitoba, hell Manitobans are great. Jemi, Jud, and Jules, Alvin and Fern, Amy hale-smith - sweet aims, Simon in vietnam, Tristan Siu and how he brings music out of me, Sean Kong, Daniel Foo and Daniel Tay, Ziig - best friend of the exboyfriend who engages me with wicked music and love stories about God. Doc John, Tess and Ain, Daryl Tng so far away, Jian Wei with whom I share sacred mutual trust, Andre, Hannah Greenspan and Tony and Jen, UBC who made me and my dreams possible, Jeff who stretched beyond the depths of language to hold my hand, Frank and Jane who drive me home on cold thrusday nights, the Ache and Malaysian men who found me eavesdropping on them in MACs, The CRC choir with Nat, Vince and Roger fleeting and intriguing, J and magic and some point, Borey from Cambodia, Dawn fung and Deanna - from different ends of the globe with the same vision, trees, grass, water, light, dark... Belmont.

I am in love.
Niice.

It's ok to lie.
~ My father on biblical principles.

It basically boils down to the question of honoring God. Which do you worship, the precepts or the person? Think Rahab, think Samson, think King David... I will not bother to elucidate. If you don't agree, then don't. Don't let this stumble you.

And then today, I walked past the FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT store in Junction 8. I stopped and stared at the obscene ads for their FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT discount cards and FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT original-product garuntee. Can I help you? Of course it would come from the sweet young thing behind the counter, itself clad in a FUNKY CHRISTIAN T-SHIRT. I then proceeded to give her a piece of my mind.

I came back later with the boyfriend, and pointed out the 'SOCIAL HAZARD - I WILL NOT CONFORM' black hoodie that was proudly displayed, a true marker of funkiness. Of course, it conformed entirely with the social lingua franca of American Coolness. And with it, the hope to encase an eager drug and alcohol-free celibate christian body who's conciousness is entirely immersed in the world's notions of consumerism, capitalism and social cannibalism.

My mother tells me that I shouldn't have gone into a relationship with Belmont as it is very hard to make a decision while being overseas. I think the decision has already been made.

'I never thought I'd be able trust anyone as much as I trusted Dennis. But with this guy, I trust him more.'
'Can he trust you?'

Oh please have faith in me.

And then there are the people who stand in marked contrast to me. Almost in hostility, and for no reason other then a difference in opinion. I have made it a mandate to live in peace with all Man and to love as deeply (and faithfully) as possible. I will try not to tire of being good. But what makes difference a reason for defence and hostility anyway? Only because we think we're the core of the universe. Seriously.

I haven't been updating only because I do not wish to sicken the general public of the details of how head-over-heals I am in love with the Boyfriend. I would like to exercise some consideration for the public. This is, afterall, on public domain.

I am so windswept and fickle. I belong both here and there, in Singapore and Vancouver. I want to love each correctly. I do not want to betray, nor fawn needlessly over either. Dear Lord, give me wisdom and truth in being.

你，一定会回来新加坡。你一说‘落叶归根’这成语，我就知道你肯定回来的。
~ Krono's dad.

When the only thing he asks of you is to be honest, then you know you have found something very special.

And don't ever, ever, let anything tell you that you are unworthy or not beautiful. If you do not bleed for these lies, someone else will.

I want to love another girl like how Tori loves Beenie.
Or vice versa.

If you want inside her, well, boy you better make her raspberry swirl.
Things are getting dear desperate when all the boys can't be men.
Everybody knows I'm her friend, everybody knows I'm her man.

"In some of my relationships with a few of my women friends, I play a certain role. Heh, this is really getting in...I know, I hope my father's not watching this. He just doesn't know what to do. The straight-jacket's coming. But you know I always told my dad - you know, gays, lesbians, he just has to get used to it. One of the neices and nephews is gonna be one, he's just gotta get ready. So what I said was ah to Beenie, who's the love of my life. My husband understands this, that we're married. We're absolutely married. And I adore her with all my heart. And she's dated some idiots. And I hope you're watching. I want you to know what I think of you and in another life, I'll absolutely kick your ass. And I'm going to kick it right now actually, because this is for her and I'm in love with her." ~ T. Amos in Storytellers

"The animus in me is raspberry swirl, I'm in love with my women friends, but I just don't eat pussy. But I'm in love with them. If I had a different sensibility, then you know I think I could, you know, really fulfill someone down there, where a lot of men in their lives don't. And eating pussy is a metaphor, too - it's about crawling in there, being with their juices, really being with them."

Oh, she has something that I jealously want.

Go ahead. Own me.

'I don't think I deserve a guy like you.'
'What? I feel undeserving of a girl like you.'

'... I guess that means we deserve each other lah. We can maroon ourselves on a desert island and die.'

Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we could never understand
Why some things begin with just love
We can never have it all
No

Dear Tristan, I have always been a little teasing of your taste in music. And 'Rainbow' by Southborder has not been spared the brunt of it. But I would admit, that this song is beautiful and isn't far from the sentiments of my heart.

I have found a friend in you, been confounded and exasperated by your conundrums and choices. I will always adore you for the apparent contradiction that you are. I think we will always be friends in some capacity or other. And while I wish for more of you in my life, I am happy where I am.

And this extrapolates into Dustin, Curto and the rest of the navs. There will be a time to leave. University never keeps you for long, and with the passing of time will come the leaving of friends. I fear April when we will walk our seperate ways. Dustin, you have been a deep blessing to me. I look up to you immensely and have been taught much. I sincerely believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Our friendship has been carefully crafted before hand. You will always have a friend in me.

Dennis: Goodbye. I had a lot more to say, but it is all pointless and passe now. Looking back to the post-it note break up, I can only say that God takes people away from our lives for a reason. I would speculate a lot more, but there is no point. I only wish you the best. Have wisdom, have courage, and above all, peace, joy and Love.

Hello Belmont, this life is wonderful. I won't need to say anything to express how I feel or what I believe. I'd walk you through it, day by day. It has begun.

Can you feel me?
This is such a wonderful place to me

Rainbow ~ Southborder