WOOHOO!

So back in van. and it's a lot better then anticipated. Law school is fun. I moved out of the place that I had previously found. Found a better cheaper place. God is good God is good God is good.

I pray for good relationships.

To do well in law school
To be financially sufficient
To learn discipline
To cut down on my junk!

Ok!

I have never felt this way before. For the first time in over four years, I loathe the thought of leaving Singapore. I have gotten too comfortable, too soft here. But instead of looking forward to another three grueling years of lofty ambition and invigorating research, I wish I had a 9-5 job, a nondescript pay-cheque, and the weekends to spend with Belmont. There is so much comfort in this simplicity. Surrounded by family, all are family.

Life here is beautiful. So beautiful, I am almost wishing away my ambition.

You'd be bored by tomorrow lah if you stayed.
~ The Boyfriend, who knows me too well.

I know your promises Lord, but forgive me for asking: Please let this be worth it.

This is, by far, the funniest thing I've seen all year.



~ Fukung.net

What has God been saying to me lately?

One thing, over and over again: Don't worry. I will provide.

Everything to date has been nothing short of a blessing.

There is really nothing to fear.

I am blessed and loved.

But I realise that I need to learn to keep secrets.

And I don't like that.

Instead of going to the meeting, I ended up doing some banking errands for the boss. And on the way back (and it was a delicious day! Very hot and very bright in the older (and hence, deeper) section of singapore where the buildings are bright, the drains uncovered and the men squat on the floor if not driving their lorries) I discovered an interesting insect resting on the back of my hand. It was black, with six legs and a body which tapered off into a tail. It looked like a miniature scorpion.

Needless to say, as I am, I was excited. I kept him for a while and walked with my right arm outstretched to keep an eye on him. It was a beautiful day. I named him Maxwell, after the building I was headed for. A silent (one-sided) conversation was ensuing between us as I detoured to the Red Dot Design Museum and had a *perfect* moment as my eye caught a stream of sunlight beaming through the pillars of the heritage building.

Then the inevitable happened. I figured that this contrived relationship between Maxwell and I was cute at best, and if not, a waste of time, a ridiculous notion and a childish fantasy. What was I going to say to Boss when I show up with a bug on my hand? Hi! Meet Maxwell! Isn't he the best?

I blew him off the back of my hand. He struggled to keep footing for a while but when it's over, it's over.

Funny how things happen eh?

The disconnected generation - finding meaning the the lyrics of pop songs. NO CULTURE!
~Boss, in response to my passionate homily on U2 and the spiritual significance they have had on my life.

My stumped expression must have had come across as indignant and he immediately followed his tirade with the mercy of granting the 'pop' phenomenon the status of a culture in itself.

Not that I cared. I was too busy being flustered about the inherent rightness of his statement. Here I am, trying so hard to be Chinese, to be who I ought to be, the the people who speak most to me are a bunch of Irish men in bling.

And as I fret, the most important lesson that I have learnt here rises to mind: some things just are.

And there's no need to justify and explain yourself, just be.

Sometimes, MCQs are the way to go.

Because he's talking to you...

Dear all in BKK, you know I love you, so I won't expound on this subject anymore. If I do, it'll get dry. I was afraid to leave, because I am afraid to lose you and what we had. Oh well. One day.

In the north eastern sky
Down the sun in my mind
He's making his way into our world
It's a long way to go
Five days in a row
Oh but Hannah she knows what's good for him

And you'll see him
you'll feel him
Because he's talking to you

And Hannah we know, he's gone

Hannah We Know ~ Tiny Dancers

Happy Birthday Mumsy

I've always seen my mother as the perfect example of doing great things by pouring out your life for others, so that others can take off and change the world.

I'd like to learn that, right now, and move powerfully, albeit unseen.

Thank you Mumsy, I wouldn't be who I am today if not for you.

水

I was 15 when I decided that my element was water. Of course, I was embarrassed to have such significant information bestowed upon me by Amy Tan. I am unfortunately so Anglo that the best of my cultural heritage is bestowed upon me by an Asian-American. But that is a gripe for another day. I am Asian - Canadian anyway.

Anyway. my element is water. I've known that full well. Sitting with Thi by the Tadlo falls in Laos - or rather, I was floating in the stream and he was pawing the shore like a finicky cat - I found a smug sense of belonging in the fluid flesh of the falls. And what was it that I said? That I, as liquid (and protean) in my footsteps as I am, am apt to take the path of least resistance. What else do we expect of water? "Ah! But it doing so, I carve canyons out of stone!" I defended myself against the apparent notion that I am, in my watery ways, intrinsically weak. In great weakness there is great strength, and in strength - weakness.

Then I discover that water is as violent as she is soft. Her rage in all its tsunamic blindness calls all others to beg pointlessly for mercy. And she takes, and crushes, and destroys everything beneath her indiscriminate thumb, leaving behind numb bodies and uncomprehending minds.

And this is where I am. Perhaps. Being driven unwittingly by my blind surges of intensity, I find myself rolling on forward, through time and tasks, spaces and people. I keep moving keep pushing keep racing ahead running on breath so hard it hurts to breathe.

The crest of my wave breaks and after the crash subsides, I lie still and silent. Stunned by my journey - too hard and fast. I realise that I have been blinded by my perceived importance of being, such that I ceased to find my harmonious part in anything else. My world was flooded by my immense wave of unbridled severity that I have destroyed most everything else.

有山有水 － Balance! Balance!
I ought to know. Or at least, ought to learn.
In my insistence in being who I am, please don't let me destroy everything that otherwise validates me.

So here, in my strongest of strengths, lies my most fragile weakness.