Boomz

Because for all the times I've ignored myself, I turned out to be right. Carrying myself is burden enough and I am enjoying not listening anymore. Sorry.

Wise enough to carry the scars, without any blame...

So whose fault was it? Why? Was it my stupidity, my naivete? My sheltered upbringing? The Church? It's nice to know that these things don't matter as much as growing wiser and stronger.

... there's no one to blame

These days I struggle still to be whole, unified and one. I'm not sure if this was something that I ever was, truly, or if I ever need to be. But at least, I am looking to be happy with myself and I think that's all that one can ask for. Afterall, there's only me to live with here.

"Surprisingly few scars"

Only because I have had the support of wonderful friends and family.

Be it Singapore or Vancouver, I return to each home to remember who I am.

It is good to be home, even if I don't know when I'm coming back and I'm only here for 4 days. I just hope I do what I need to do.

I figure that courage, like forgiveness and grace, is a choice. It is also a grave affirmation of truth and love in the present, instead of a fear of an unknown future.

*stretch*

From Confessions of a College Call Girl

But the truth is, while I was willing to sell my body, I wasn’t willing to sell my independence. Life is difficult for all of us; it’s always been very difficult for me. It was tempting to let someone else take care of me; the word after all is “kept.” A kept woman is kept safe, fed, groomed, and presumably, happy. But even looking around the funky bar, at the beautiful people, as much as I was impressed by it all, what good would a life like that be if you didn’t like the person you were sharing it with? My free will wasn’t for sale.

But for many women it is and I don’t blame them for choosing to trade independence for security, for the Amex with their name on it and the rent-free apartment. I don’t begrudge them their big payday. The problem is placing so much value on wealth and privilege, I suppose, but these things have tempted many a young girl throughout the years.

Story of life isn't it? You pay for what you get, and sometimes it isn't cheap. But you know it's worth it, even if it might not be the path most travelled.

Easy

I'm not sure where this wall of anger came from, but I've been ramming my head against it for half a day. I've always been pretty good at dissecting my feelings and reactions, so I am sure it is just a matter of time before it sorts itself out. I won't rush it. But for now, I get the sense that it comes from the suppression of potential. Whatever that means...

We love you. It's just that, you can be very willful.

Huh. Well if that seems to be a problem, it certainly isn't mine.

I'd like to blog about how much I am loved and how much I love, but I am too tired. :)