Saturday, February 22, 2003

I'm out of DNA EduTechMedia.

After a month of cajoling and coaxing... they tell me they don't need me.

It was the only time that leaving the office carried a sense of unease and discomfort. I was beginning to feel like a sticky lump of phlegm at the back of one's throat, the kind that refuses to budge no matter how hard you cough. I guess it was the awkwardness that spurred my bosses to do the closing up this time. They've never done it together before. So 4 hands pressed inevitably on the shutters, with one swift thundering motion, they bring the office to a closure. I envisioned it to be the end. Outside the building, there is a lucky fountain squatting at the entrace, serving as an insurmountable obstacle to all who pass through the gates. The spout dead, the waters stale, and on the surface, a blob of yellow flesh was suspended just beneath the face of the pool. A dead, and decaying goldfish.

I can's speak chinese

I shouldn't let it bother me really, the auditions were fun and i was more concerned with trying then actually getting through. So i'm ok. One less thing to worry about.

Hannah, please DO NOT...

*wince* and i knew what i was in for.
I'm eating my words. Don't waste in fear

I just thank God that the circle is more forgiving that i had anticipated, that my dignity is kept intact and that i leave each episode with more then i came with. That's the way it goes. They all started somewhere, you are now at somewhere.

You never get gritty with yourself.
I guess it's time.

no amount of that makes me love you any less

And as much as i hold on tightly, i feel an insatiable desire to destroy. It wells up in me and seeps out from my pupils, little darts of elation. I am thrilled by my anger, that by sweeping past the passengers in a carriage i can make no less then ALL of them, notice me and my disposition. How I will not hesitate to enhance that recognition into discomfort... power.

And as as i am awed by the sensitivity, patience and gentleness. It morphs into my antithesis, all that i am, by nature, not.
I have come to decipher an uncanny semblence between the laws of nature and the laws of man.

For every action, there is an equal an opposite reaction.
And we spiral down, sometimes needlessly, despairing at the helplessness of the situation.
The more one tries the other will push...
I love it.