Last night, Mel and I had a conversation pertaining to being someone you're not. Of trying to fit into a particular role, idea, persona. Hell, of just trying to fit in. Unnaturally.
Well, what if that IS who one is? A person who is constantly trying to be someone he's not?
I have noticed that it is hard for me to get along with such. And then we talked of being 'down-to-earth'. What does that mean? Who is 'down-to-earth'? Do we like 'down-to-earth' people? or do we not?
You understand the earth. But you're not necessarily on it. I choose not to be. Yes.
And then I look at myself this past year, and a shadow of curiousity flickers across the radar. How much of me this year is me? who...? And then the shadow disolves into the light of the knowlegde that such questions have a time and a place to be asked.
There is only one that goes far enough to span the distance in your eyes.
I think I've stepped off the craze train in my spiritual walk and have found myself alone on the platform of normality. Normal people, normal thoughts, and a normal existance: plain and placid. The river eventually meanders out into uneventfulness and sheds its load, the work of its passion.
no more, no more.
So I've shed apparent coherance for incoherance. For something stranger and yet more distant. My worldviews have been gladly disengaged and I think I'm about to take real existance a little more seriously.
This might explain my fascination with the aged. They are way more exciting then any youth. Passion never fades, it only mellows into intense focus.