Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Say to them,
say to the down-keepers,
"even if you are not ready for day
it cannot always be night."
You will be right.
For that is the hard home-run.
Live not for battles won.
Live not for the-end-of-the-song.
Live in the along.
Alright, moving right along now, into 2010! It is going to be bright!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
While IL was sipping his cup of ginger tea and espousing on learning inner strength and security, it dawned on me what my problem really was: That a part of me still seeks to win JF's approval and love. Something that never did, and can never happen. Thus every rejection, disappointment, or sign of disapproval is, in my mind, an extension of the horrible state of things that existed in early 2009.
I am so excited about the future!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
I dare you!
No, you can't stay mad at the setting sun
Cause we all get tired I mean eventually
And there's nothing left to do but sleep
I will be pure,
No, no, I know I will be pure.
Like snow- like gold-
like snow- like gold--
[No lies, just love - Bright Eyes]
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Don't worry, you don't have to drag it out from me. I'm not a tepid well with a rickety bucket reluctantly giving up my darkish water. I am a joyful geyser! Just don't be a douche.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
How is it that I am SO susceptible to external occurrences? Must change.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
NWT: That means you have not had your revenge yet.
Monday, December 07, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
D: I don't do that shit, Hannah.
Yeah, I don't do crack no more either. So what's left?
Damn you Alanis for screwing me over.
Not to be dramatic...
So teach me again, in all things, grace.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
The best things come from the worst disasters, indeed!
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Also, I've made a decision. Thank you, beautiful.
Feeling bad has never felt so good!
I understand that I hold gold dust in my hands.
i i iz sick.
Monday, November 16, 2009
nah it's all gonna be just great!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
JP: Did you know that you can rent designer handbags?
JP: Did you know that you can rent designer handbags?
I don't know how to say this, but I am so excited about the rest of my life.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Saturday, November 07, 2009
Friday, November 06, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
The MEATLOAF test.
Because I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE, BUT I WON'T DO THAT which does not fulfill the following criteria.
1. Measure taken must be invited by the other party (Consent)
2. Measure taken must be reciprocated (Consideration)
3. Measure taken must be reasonable and proportionate to the expected outcome (Balancing test)
There is a context to this I swear.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Patient and transparent as the sky is, out on the plains.
Do not be deceived by her gentle face, for her hands are pierced with battle.
And Her final cry will carry me through the seasons.
Tuesday, November 03, 2009
Monday, November 02, 2009
I guess the love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
But it was still really bad.
Look at you...
I think I might have over-estimated myself.
"But I want to learn Manual!"
"Um... let's be realistic here. Ok, Hannah?"
~ Luke, kor kor.
After lunch, and ice-cream and so much more.
Monday, October 26, 2009
On another note, talking through to the issues of another always helps to clarify my own in my mind.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Do I make sense?
I know I will be pure.
Like snow- like gold.
But then it is time again to ask: What is pleasing and what is right?
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Red :: Daniel Maerriweather
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
"of course you do..you care about everythign! -g"
It's nice to be known, and to know that no matter where I turn, there will be a heart who knows and loves me.
But of course, at the same time, I'm trying to go a little easier on myself.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
"Ok Daniel, you give the local opinion of what you think of the project space, and Hannah you tell me the North American and Angmoh opinion"
"I am NOT so far removed from Singapore that I'm not local, okay??"
"You came on this trip with a BIKINI and a SARONG. How else do you expect us to take you?"
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
2 And I declared that the dead,
who had already died,
are happier than the living,
who are still alive.
3 But better than both
is he who has not yet been,
who has not seen the evil
that is done under the sun.
~ Ecc. 4
Monday, September 07, 2009
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Also, I am glad that I am learning not to listen to myself at night.
Seriously, Hannah, what were you thinking?
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Dan Bern - Chelsea Hotel
My breath reeks of pot and wine and sex
My eyes open up like they haven’t in years
So I won’t miss whatever happens next
You call me a thief
All right, I'm a thief
Grab a summons
Come and ring my bell
I’ll be making love with my baby
In the Chelsea Hotel
I told you to meet me at eight o’clock
I said I’ll be drinking at the bar
I drove between Newark and Laguardia
Trying to return a rented car
We keep missing connections today
But tomorrow would be just as well
I gotta go make love with my baby
In the Chelsea Hotel
I’ve been walking all around your neighborhood
My former love
You seem as far away and as sad to me
As those rain clouds above
I hope you’re happy and whatever you're doing
I hope you're doing well
And please don’t try to contact me
At the Chelsea Hotel
I was starting to think
The world was going to end when the calendar turns
But now you’re here
I see the future, baby
And they can let the calendar burn
New love is beautiful
But new love is sad
New love brings back all the old loves
That you’ve ever had
I put out a casting call
And you cast a spell
And we’re practicing for the millennium
Making love at the Chelsea Hotel
So who knows what tomorrow brings
But I know where I’ll be waking up
Let’s just listen to our breath tonight
And the breeze through the window that you opened up
Can you feel our hearts beating
Which one's yours
Which one's mine
Y' can't tell
Just another day of making love
At the Chelsea Hotel
Spent all day making love
At the Chelsea Hotel
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Oh well, it's a pretty late morning here at Sembawang, and it's just about starting to rain.
Monday, August 31, 2009
That being said though, I think I've found a new way of expressing strength (whatever little is left or that actually exists): Raw being. I don't need to rationalize, excuse, exaggerate or diminish anything. Or put up a wall, trivialize the moment, or derail conversations. And here is my strength in that I will let you see me here. Because I am worth that much and so are you. I am learning, learning, learning to be honest and to be vulnerable - even apart from my theories and into the reality that we make for ourselves.
Remember that talk we had, by the Tadlo falls in Lao, Thi? How we talked about the values we wanted to express in our lives? I said that I wanted all things from me to stem from Truth and Love and you wished to live through Strength and Honour. And I, being ever so obsessed with reconciliation, decided that Strength and Honour must be directed by Truth and Love, and Truth and Love, without Strength and Honour, cannot be expressed and will therefore come to nothing on their own. Sometimes I look back at wonderment at those days when all the worlds problems could be solved by a bottle of cheap beer, quiet waters and moonlight and I pray that I haven't yet failed them in the wake of these complexities. I don't think I have,and it is very exciting to see how, even in difficult times, my idealistic theories, passions and beliefs don't have to give way in substance and only, if at all, in form.
What happens when ideals DO get translated into reality? What are they called then?
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Also, it's very refreshing to know that I have all the time in the world. And as Faifo says (in his capacity as my brother's PA): all your problems will go away, in time. In conclusion, that leaves you free to really build and be happy, one beautiful day at a time.
It's all love, all love.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Also, they call the Dean's office here the "Deanery". Isn't that cute or what!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I've spent plenty of time both in and out of the church, both of which aren't the point. I remember being told, over and over again (and especially at the beginning of this year) about the weakness that is faith. Of the desperation, fear, and dread of the unknown and of futility that drags one into servile belief of, well, God. I can't speak for the ones who said these things to me, only that I don't see the freedom they talk about, and that I'm happy being here instead of there.
If, as I have seen in myself, the self is one's greatest enemy and barrier to freedom and success, there is no greater gift then that of grace: to be free of yourself and to really move toward something bigger then the sum of us. I don't really want to cling on to myself, I really don't have much to offer as it is.
But that being said, ironically, it's great coming back to myself. It's part of this whole moving on, giving myself up process.
In Christ alone I place my trust and find my glory in the power of the cross. In every victory let it be said of me: My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Riding early in the morning, with friends, music, and beer. Remembering the healing taste of salt and the twinkle of the sun on the sea.
Back in my element.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
On a not-so-separate note, I found this particularly hilarious
"You know what really helps an existential crisis? Wondering how much shelf space to leave for a Terry Pratchett collection."
Not-so-separate in ways I can't quite articulate!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
I got excited when A talked about the schism between thought and action. Falls in very neatly with the themes of technicality, creation and appropriate expression that I have been dwelling on of late, the transformation of a thought into an action. But is the solution really compromise instead of conviction? Perhaps conviction incorporates balance and compromise as a tool instead of master. Balance, compromise and fine lines speak not to what is good (as definition) but rather they point to how to be good (as means). And while actions speak louder then words., the same action might could say any number of things depending on your choice of tools and how you use these tools.
It's just that some situations have no fine lines for you to walk on and you must land on one side or the other. Maybe one day I'll shake off dust from the fallout fully and I won't be consumed with the fingerprints left behind. But for now here's what I've ended up with: It's not about fine lines so much as it is simply knowing where you stand, and working your way there, with full consideration for all parties involved. Because relationships and people really are the only things that matter. And because they alone matter, they deserve goodness, in all its forms. Part of this journey also means having the flexibility (ie grace) to develop and transform with time, space and experience.
So choose wisely and walk with conviction, because it's all I have, or at least, it shields me from the glare of my failings. I have lost some fortitude, but this doesn't have to be a bad thing.
Alright, you got me... but I still have spark in me yet.
Monday, August 17, 2009
He will take you. If you run,
He will chase you.
He will take you. If you run,
He will chase you
'cause He is the Lord.
In other news, I am absolutely stoked about school. About learning new things, about being challenged and stretched and taught and pushed to greater heights. It's going to be good, I can feel it in my bones. And I am going love, rabidly.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I have to say I am a little disappointed in myself, in how I've conducted myself in this time. I guess even while I rage, I ought not to stoop. It is tempting I guess but it is only detrimental to me. Ok, I've worked this out step by step and here's the next. To stop blogging about this at all.
The problem with arguing with an 11-year-old is that you never win, and you start to sound like one yourself.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Needless to say I am a little angry today. Unfortunate, as it shows that I am a little off the end goal of having him not matter. Incidents will always hold significance of course, as they are the experiences that sum up our existence. But the people behind the experiences do not have to matter - and eventually, this one will not. I look forward to the day when there is no more anger, no more sadness, no more fear ... simply nothing. When I can look into his face and not sense a thing, as if he were merely a cup, a bowl, or something else inanimate and dispensable. I doubt that will ever happen of course, at least, I hope I never have the chance to figure out how far I've come and that I'll even forget I had such a goal.
But of course I have to turn everything into a spiritual / academic exercise and will agonize over the theology of it all. Thankfully, the distance that every day brings offers a little more perspective and clarity and for now, this is where I stand, more or less: I will wish him the best in life and love and will, with God's grace, do so willingly and with joy, as I do not wish anyone to suffer. But I will not concern myself with the specifics that is him, or care for who/what/how he is. Jesus loves him, but I am sure as hell not Jesus. I feel like Jesus died so that I am not responsible for such failings.
"Hannah! I am proud of you!
You said that a lot last month,
but I didn't believe that you really felt it.
But now I do.
And I think, it takes a lot to lose respect such as yours."
Thursday, August 13, 2009
There's no space or time to waste anymore, on all that has failed.
Nothing personal. Because, from experience, nothing ever was.
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
So why need we be afraid? Time heals all things, if not, it erodes that which needed healing in the first place.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
He once said that I ought to be ashamed for riding through life on my smile and sweetness. Emphasis on shame (I soon forgot to smile and that life was sweet). I took the point and a little more, for I discovered that it is the same crime to bludgeon through life, blind, wielding the scars and insecurities with little grace. So I came to the conclusion (and boy do I love conclusions! Temporary as they may be) that I must now learn to be firm, be precise, be good both in person and in work, be confident and productive, without losing either smile or scar - for we are the sum of our experiences.
Am I strong enough to walk on water?
Smart enough to come in out of the rain?
Or am I a fool going where the wind blows?
~ Goin' Where the Wind Blows :: Mr. Big (Concert Oct 12th!)
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
~ Kind senior student from the LKYSPP.
~ CK. Because Lightning the dog wouldn't stop staring at me and my food with puppy dog eyes.
Monday, August 10, 2009
And in the quiet moments:
I am not learning how to play this song because it is always meant to be told to me. For the rest of my life.
and frightening that it does not quite. Love, we say,
God, we say, Rome and Michiko, we write, and the words
get it all wrong. We say bread and it means according
to which nation. French has no word for home,
and we have no word for strict pleasure. A people
in northern India is dying out because their ancient
tongue has no words for endearment. I dream of lost
vocabularies that might express some of what
we no longer can. Maybe the Etruscan texts would
finally explain why the couples on their tombs
are smiling. And maybe not. When the thousands
of mysterious Sumerian tablets were translated,
they seemed to be business records. But what if they
are poems or psalms? My joy is the same as twelve
Ethiopian goats standing silent in the morning light.
O Lord, thou art slabs of salt and ingots of copper,
as grand as ripe barley lithe under the wind's labor.
Her breasts are six white oxen loaded with bolts
of long-fibered Egyptian cotton. My love is a hundred
pitchers of honey. Shiploads of thuya are what
my body wants to say to your body. Giraffes are this
desire in the dark. Perhaps the spiral Minoan script
is not language but a map. What we feel most has
no name but amber, archers, cinnamon, horses, and birds.
Crudely put, some things just can't be spoke about.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
I guess it's not really about what you decide to do, but how you do it, that determines where your heart is. Between trusting God and sheer laziness, I am praying that my heart is set toward the former.
Saturday, August 08, 2009
You need to justify your actions before you shoot us? That's new. That could be interpreted as weakness, Daddy. [pause] I'm disappointed in you.
I'm not gonna shoot anybody
You shot at me before
Yes. I'm sorry, I regret that. You ran away. But shooting at you certainly didn't help matters. Of course not. You're, far, far too stubborn
If you don't want to kill me, then why did you come?
Our last conversation, the one in which you told me what it was you didn't like about me never really concluded as you ran away. I should be allowed to tell you what I don't like about you. That, I believe, would be a rule of polite conversation, you know.
That's why you showed up? And you call me stubborn. [Pause] You're sure you're not here to force me to go back and become like you?
If I thought there was a chance of forcing you... but of course that will never happen. You are more, more than welcome to return home and become my daughter again... anytime... and I would even begin to share my power and responsibility with you if you did. Not that you care...
So what is it? What is it, the thing... the thing that you don't like about me?
It was a word you used that provoked me. You called me "arrogant". To plunder as it were a God given right.
I'd call that arrogant, daddy.
But that is exactly what I don't like about you! lt is you that is arrogant!
That's what you came here say?
I'm not the one passing judgment, Daddy, you are.
No, you do not pass judgment because you sympathize with them: A deprived childhood and a homicide really isn't necessarily a homicide, right? The only thing you can blame is circumstances. Rapists and murderers may be the victims according to you, but I call them dogs and if they're lapping up their own vomit the only way to stop them is with the lash.
But dogs only obey their own nature So why shouldn't we forgive them?
Dogs can be taught many useful things but not if we forgive them every time they obey their own nature.
So, I'm arrogant. I'm arrogant because I forgive people.
My God! Can't you see how condescending you are when you say that? You have this preconceived notion that nobody... listen... that nobody can't possibly attain the same high ethical standards as you so you exonerate them. I can not think of anything more arrogant than that. You, my child... my dear child you forgive others with excuses that you would never in the world permit for yourself.
Why shouldn't l be merciful? Why?
No, no, no. You should. You should be merciful. When there is time to be merciful. But you must maintain your own standard You owe them that. You owe them that! The penalty you deserve for your transgressions, they deserve for their transgressions.
They are human beings
No, no, no. Does every human being need to be accountable for their actions? Of course they do! But you don't even give them that chance. And that is extremely arrogant... I love you, I love you I love you to death. But you are the most arrogant person l have ever met... And you call me arrogant! l have no more to say
You are arrogant, I'm arrogant. You've said it, now you can leave
And without my daughter, I suppose?
I said without my daughter?
Well, you decide, you decide... Grace, they say you are having some trouble here.
No. No more trouble than back home.
I'll give you a little time to think about this. Perhaps you will change your mind.
Listen, my love... power is not so bad... l am sure that you can find a way to make use of it in your own fashion... Take a walk and think about it.
The people who live here are doing their best under very hard circumstances.
If you say so, Grace. But is their best really good enough? Do they love you?
If I went back and became your daughter again, when would l be given the power you're talking about?
So that would mean that, I'd also take on the immediate responsibilities at once. I'd be a part in the problem solving... Like the problem... of Dogville.
We can start by shooting a dog and nailing it to a wall over there beneath that lamp, for example. Well, it might help. It sometimes does
It would only make the town more frightened, but hardly make it a better place. And it could happen again. Somebody happening by revealing...their frailty. That's what I wanna use the power for, if you don't mind. I wanna make this world a little better.... If there is any town this world would be better without, this is it.
Shoot them and burn down the town.
You want the curtains opened? You don't need them anymore. What do you think?
I think we should open them. I think it's appropriate.
Friday, August 07, 2009
I decided that I'd take a walk this morning. So I took off slowly, onto Gibraltar, past Malta and past Cyprus. The regal black and white mansions aching in their colonial memory, grave next to the tiny bright flowers, bursting. I used to walk in Vancouver with Jarrett, but Singapore is nothing like that. The air is not crisp but thick and warm, like a strong, soothing cup of tea. It is even a tad bit misty. Signs of neglect stand out from the general cavas of aged pride: the peeling paint off the houses, the white shamed with dirt, and trees extending their roots into the concrete, breaking them apart with the weight of time and nature.
A small concrete structure nestled in the green beckons to me. I notice a small flight of stairs behind it, leading to what must be a private clearing fresh with flowers. But there stood a door, by the side of the abandoned little building, framed with banyan roots and decaying plants. I turned away, a little ashamed of my cowardice, a little excited with the prospect of sharing this find with my brother or a friend, for later. After all, I was alone, and I know a bad idea when I see one - now. I walked away, my thoughts turning to that little wet mist-shrouded chapel in Cherra, Meghalaya. What was it he said? That western theology had too much of a two-dimenstional view of spirituality, that the spiritual world was real and that this is an area within Christian thought that needs to be developed. "All these 'gods', Pan and the lot, they're real." And the I thought about my brother, and his stories, and how I stopped him in mid-sentence. There are some battles I do not wish to fight.
Oh Shillong. I thought about how similar these old colonial houses were to the petite wooded abodes we found while trudging up the hill to see the sunset. Both European in flavour, wooden and floral. But the houses there were warm, cheerful and the flowers larger and brighter. There were smiles and churches and lively puppies, the noise of 30 ruppee taxis braving steep drops and sharp turns down the mountain, honking their horns. Here, I see grasscutters, and one lone gaudy ang-moh girl walking down to the main road. Then the military security rolls by, in their armoured vehicles. THIS is our neighbourhood watch. I brush off a stay spider's web that I had unwittingly collected and move on.
I guess I do like nature. I wonder why this hadn't dawned on me before. Perhaps for the first time, I have spare time and the mental space to wander. I stopped to watch three butterfiies chase each other around - why do they do that? They were the same shade of brown as the dried leaves that were scattered around me. I stood still to I watched another dead leaf fall gracefully onto the grass.
Death in beauty, beauty in death, and the shadow that my happiness casts is called pensive.
With perspective, both can be good.
I enjoy my sadness, and it's difficult ways.
Thursday, August 06, 2009
I enjoyed watching her eat. But I guess in every gift comes a cost. Be wise in the balancing act.
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
H: Canada is like the fruit of knowledge of good and evil in the garden of Eden
S: that could be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Canada. I assume it was a compliment.
H: Blogging it.
S: Good, the world needs to know.
Tuesday, August 04, 2009
"等一下，等一下，我要吗人了！我要吗人了！" G mumbles into the phone, before hanging up and turning on me. I had walked in that monday afternoon after dealing with ICA and had done a full star-jump (nothing less) to announce my arrival in his office.
"Where have you been? Worried for you! You disappeared! Could have been kidnapped, dying somewhere, we don't know?!! Also, you never turn off your computer!"
It had been the weekend, I don't come to work on weekends.
Tuesday morning, I relearn the art of wearing heels and had Metric join me on the way to the meetings. "Hello! I haven't seen you for a couple of days!" She smiles (beautiful beautiful smile) over the tea cup she's using to warm up her hands.
It had been the weekend, I don't come to work on weekends.
Needless to say, I am learning what it means to be loved, and to feel safe again. Even if it means that people can care for you and appreciate you in a distant, professional way.
Monday, August 03, 2009
For some reason, I am living in here a lot now. I am not quite sure why. Wiggle room for the mind? Either way, it's better this way.
"I'm so lonely here
everyone is gone
everyone meaning you"
From Nagaland to Bangkok to Vancouver, you're always holding my hand.
Somewhere Alfie cries, and says enjoy his every smile you can see in the dark. Through the eyes of Laura Mars, how did we get so far? ~ Gold Dust :: T. Amos
Who gave you permission to do this to me now?
On another note, I worry that Laura did it, while Hannah didn't.
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Saturday, August 01, 2009
And then there is meeting familiar panic that arises from being taught the wrong things over and over again. But I must admit, there is something quite fun in facing your fears and seeing them dissolve in the light of courage. Also, I recognize that I am especially vulnerable when exhausted. In these tired moments, even the quietest songs that seep through my headphones break my heart.
~ The best things grow from the worst disasters, the best things grow when we begin again.
It's just good to remember these things. :)
Friday, July 31, 2009
H to the CCM
You know what life feels like for me?
I feel like I've had a happy deficeit
And I am now racing to catch up and am over-compensating.
I don't know if that's healthy
Thursday, July 30, 2009
You're the craziest Singaporean I've met. I mean that in a good way. You're fun.
Truly appreciate all your help. I'd much rather work with one like you than...
You'll go far. Don't let anyone question your goals
One day you will be great whatever you do.
You make me happy just being around you.
I just need to tell you that you have the sweetest and most beautiful smile in the world.
It wasn't my intention to mislead you, it never should have been this way, what can I say? It's true, I did extend the invitation but I never knew how long you'd stay. When you hear temptation call, it's your heart that takes, takes the fall. Won't you come out and play with me?
It's getting hard to wake up in the morning, my head is spinning constantly. How can it be? How could I be so blind to this addiction? If I don't stop, the next one's gonna be me. Only emptiness remains, it replaces all, all the pain. Won't you come out and play with me?
Step by step, heart to heart, left, right, left, we all fall down like toy soldiers. Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win but the battle wages on for toy soldiers.
I honestly, can't believe how blessed I am, and I will find ways to express my gratitude to all of you.