Saturday, July 23, 2005

You Live, You learn.

I was in very good company today, and I learnt many things. I think God's really giving me a nudge in the practical side of life. I found that in first year, He taught me to love Him with my mind, in second year, He taught me to love with my Heart. And now...

I found that going to school freshly showered is a joy. I came back from the gym, took a bath and boy that feels good.

I also made vegetable curry, and it was good.

I met Elim, her flatmate, his collegue and Mel to go to the Richmond night market. I bought socks and Dusty's present. Exactly what I needed. I found my inner tai-tai emerging as I lusted over the $20 super-mop that could pick up ANYTHING. Honestly. I want.

We later sat by the river and made paper sampans out of the old notebook prayers that I had written last year. I yelled at them to refrain from reading the utter-most personal, intimate moments that I penned as much as words would serve. We tossed them in the river. Good-bye

Mel's car wasn't in it's parking lot. We put the pieces together and concluded that it was towed. We were right. We taxied to the tow company at 11.30 pm (the towing was more expensive the the fine) and at 11.45 we set off.... to burnaby (a wrong turn.)

I came home to find my curry all burnt. I guess there is a limit to how long you can leave the crockpot on.

It was a lot of curry.

Do you find that you talk to yourself when you're a lone?
Oh buddy, you have no idea.

Sadly, what I find myself mumbling, most incoherently, most often, is the word 'Home'.
And I know that it's not Singapore, or Gage, but some nebulous idea existing beyond my reach that is reflected in my life in the form of dark shadows that dance deceivingly on the cave wall.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

So I can move forward...

Fantasy or reality,
Analysis and theories,
What does matter really?


"If a drunkard signs the pledge, or a rich man gives all his money away, they are both of them freeing themselves from their slavery to alcohol or riches, but nor from their bondage to themselves. They are still moving in their own little orbit, perhaps even more then they were before."

Tell me what to achieve


"If we take the first step with the deliberate intention of placing ourselves in the situation where faith is possible, even this possibility of faith will be nothing but a work. The new life it opens to us is still a life within the limits of our old existence, and therefore a complete misapprehension of the ture nature of the new life. We are still in unbelief. "

Tell me what to believe,
Won't you bring me order?

Slowly lah.

...all these car crashes in my head.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Only he.

Discipleship is not an offer man makes to Christ. It is only the call which creates the situation.

I want, I'd like, but I don't know if I've been called.
And I can't do a damn thing about it, except obey.

That's my lot.