Friday, March 16, 2007

Overheard @ UBC

It's a big thing for me to be able to feel my hips when I lie down....

I looked at myself in the mirror as I sleepily steped into my sized 3 mango pants. They always fit. Mango makes pants just for me. I swear. But today, they barely hung, threatening to slip below the elastic band of my too tight underwear... that wasn't too tight. My reflection revealed a new reality: My hips, stabbed out while standing up, for the first time. I have lost too much weight.

Sure enough, the old-school weighing scale at my gym announced that I am barely 98 pounds, bordering on 97.5. That's not even 44.5 kg. I had my shoes on.

I cannot wait for my meat fast to be over. Easter, come hither!

Thursday, March 15, 2007


~ The Church, in general, on the ethnics of sex.

What are we, as christians, to do with our bodies? How are we to live relationally moral lives in these fleshy shells that our spirits are housed in? Curtis led an extremely engaging discussion, albeit blushingly, on sex and marriage. And I am deeply affirmed.

The church cannot and should not smack down rules for relationships and 'dating'. Oh it goes way beyond that! A new and Christ-centered perspective is required to shape our ethics on dating and sex. It is not a question of what we do so much as it is a question of who we are. The Levitican law on sex (e.g. no sex with your aunt, your sister, your father, your mother, your pet and no sacrificing your kid to Molech) stood less as moral guidelines for the personal/private life as it stood to create a seperate and distinct culture for God's choosen people. It wasn't what they did that took center stage, it was who they were. And who they were is inextricably defined by who God is.

So what of sex and marriage? The church needs a completely different discourse and rethoric in engaging its people on this topic. The tendency to speak in positivist and scientific terms deviates our gaze from the cross unto the idol of morality. But the problem we generate is that the buck stops there - at the physical action. And this is not the point! The point of marriage and ultimately, sex, is directly related to the missional (not just missionary!) calling to the Church. Our sexual relationships are meant to preach the gospel to a world that cannot understand the cross or the resurrection. Sex, is never private. It is taken in the context of a larger community and our attitudes toward it are cultivated according that communities beliefs.

Oh how we need a church that does not slap you with unsound and unethical rules and that rather, walks with, engages and mentors as we struggle through relationships and our questions of being. Rules stand as markers of our failure to be a community. What, we cannot pass on the truth of the Living God through lives and must depend on hollow words to uphold our community and ethics? It's like the television as a baby sitter - Law as identity giver.

So what are we to do? There is a deep need to understand how sex and ultimately ethics must be seen in the light of the Cross. Here is how we live out our identity, instead of suffering mindlessly under the yoke of rules and regulations. Here is how we learn to engage each other, and delve into honesty with our community. To speak open of sex and dating, in a healthy and god-fearing fashion, will necessitate accountability and discipleship. Heck, to live the Christian faith necessitates accountability and discipleship.

And marriage? The cornerstone of the family. The public declaration of love and microcosm of God's love for man. It is the process of being shaped, of learning to pour yourself out for another. Selfishness in such close proximity only kills.

I'd never tell a kid not to have sex before marriage. I'd never tell him to have sex before marriage. I think we give the wrong answers to the wrong questions.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

28 August 2004

Dennis Tan:

You've been so kind and generous
I don't know how you keep on giving

You've showed me a lot.
You've opened a whole new world to me in both theatre and life. And it is a feat, how we get along. My culture, by nature is very unforgiving to yours. Socially and even linguistically, we don't have anything in comman. I think there is an unspoken agreement of some sorts that we will never marry Jay Chou with Dave Matthews. Only in theatre perhaps we share something. But your heart for the people and your flair and passion of theatre has broken previously existing boundaries in my life. I would be honored and delighted to work with Wayang Warehouse again, when I return.

For your selflessness my admiration

And for now, I think this relationship would be the hardest thing for me to let go on this return trip to Canada. I'll be back for sure, but I've learnt that good-byes are forever.

Natalie Merchant ~ Kind and Generous
"I think theatre IS the thing for you"
You to me

That meant a lot to me. Lately, with the books that I've been reading, I've been convicted to do what I like in life. On top of that, whatever I do, I ought to do it was a passion (I think Jeremy Janzen had something to do with this), if not, it's not worth doing now is it? Theatre is something that means a lot to me. Hence the fear. But after this production I am convinced that I am on the right path. Maybe not just to theatre but in life in general.

I struggled with not doing Theatre as a major in UBC. I ended up aiming toward that as a minor with IR as my Major. I didn't think studying theatre full time was... full enough. Perhaps its just the requirements at UBC.
"Theatre is not about studying, it's about experience. And
no doubt everyone has to start from somewhere, and what you lack in experience, you make up in discipline and humility."
So wise!

Theatre is life. You can't be good at life by just sitting in a classroom. Knowing is not enough, you have to make it living flesh. And besides, theatre is not an end in itself. It's a means. A means to whatever end it might be, self-glorification, expression, instruction etc etc etc. I'd like to serve people. I want to hon my skills and passions to do what I understand to be natural. From humanity back to humanity, Theatre belongs to the people.

Thanks Dennis, for showing me how.

And I just can't help but wonder, where would a Chinese third-culture Christian Canadian fit into the scheme of things here in heartlander Woodlands? If at all? Well God, that's totally up to you, eh?

It is cruel Cruel CRUEL that you are gone. I promised to do more theatre with you. We talked for hours over MSN and SMS. You taught me many many things. You loved people. You loved art. You taught me to focus. You let me be your friend. I guess you needed me then too. I'm sorry we were too busy to maintain our friendship. But I always saw you as one who led a life too full for petty interruptions. I always thought you worked too hard. But it was your life and soul. I'm sorry I wasn't available to Stage Manage for you. I'm sorry I wasn't in your life more.

You are beautiful.
There is great loss here now.

Monday, March 12, 2007

I've partied my weekend away and it's been awesome. I have never been to a house party like the one at Hannah's. The live band was like, OK GO meets the killers with a huge serving of humour. Wine was served along side conversations with people from El Salvador, Croatia, Romania and hot salsa dancing.

Now, I'm faced with the daunting task of presenting my paper on the relationship between The American Church and The Atomic Bomb. Oh sheesh. I am sick and tired of this academia. I think. I am ready to wander around in a haze of existance, suckling at the sweet flowers of possibility. Of course I know whom I would like to take with me.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Every little thing she does is magic

I wonder what it's like to be the 'her' in every love song. Then I wonder if I need to wonder anymore.

Love songs just make sense
~ Dust, on his relationship.