Again, I am Utahraptor!

STOP IT!
~ Glappy.

I was in a bar till 2 am this morning talking with friends about the stuff that makes up our days. I don't get it anymore. We complicate things when we only really need to love. Everything was built to keep us together, so we really ought to start from that premise and work towards healthy resolutions.

Really, what needs to happen is the redemption of expression - we need to be able to tell people that we love and affirm them without the fear of sounding creepy, sparking fear or raising suspicion.

Am I just crazy?

You know you're Singaporean when the dictionary in your handphone (cellphone) gives you 'Otah' before 'Much' when composing an SMS (text message).

[Posted on Monday, November 18, 2002]

For the past 5 years

Edwardian style

...There is only one man in my life who has ever... made me happy. Do you know that? One!...

...who is out there somewhere in the dark... who is good to me, and whom i revile; who understand me, and whom i push off; who can make me laugh and I choke it back in my throat; who can hold me, at night, so that it's warm, and whom i will bite so there's blood; who keeps learning the games we play as quickly as i can change the rules; who can make me happy and I do not wish to be happy, and yes I do wish to be happy... sad, sad, sad.

Sad.

...whom I will not forgive for having come to rest; for having seen me and having said: yes; this will do; who has made the hideous, the hurting, the insulting mistake of loving me and must be punished for it... sad sad sad

Sad.

...who tolerates, which is intorerable; who is kind, which is cruel; who understands, which is beyond comprehension...

... sad, sad, sad.

Some day... hah! some night... some stupid liquor-ridden night... I will go too far... and I'll either break the man's back... or push him off for good... which is what i deserve

~ Edward Albee

I guess I got what I deserve.
And it might not be a bad thing.

Isn't everything that we do a contradiction?

At the IAR

[Professor L walks by my office, does a double take and stops to stare at my desk through the window. I look back, chewing, convinced he's eyeing my cinnamon bun.]

Professor L: What Whiskey is that?

Hannah: What??

Professor L: What Whiskey is that?

Hannah: [Picks up the glass bottle of Cherapunji honey from my desk] It's honey. From India. I'm not a lawyer yet.

Jin says that there is an Ani song for every kind of relationship imaginable. I think she's right.

"Untouchable Face"

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer
the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but
you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
and fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
and who am i
i bet you can't even tell me that much

two-thirty in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
a safe haven of sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down
the top 20 country songs
and out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
y'know, i don't look forward
to seeing you again soon
you'll look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
and i won't know what to do
and i won't know what to say

except fuck you...

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...

I'm going back for Christmas.