Saturday, January 29, 2005

Don't move Don't talk out of time Don't think Don't worry Everything's just fine Just fine Don't grab Don't clutch Don't hope for too much Don't breathe Don't achieve Or grieve without leave Don't check Just balance on the fence Don't answer Don't ask Don't try and make sense Don't whisper Don't talk Don't run if you can walk Don't cheat, compete Don't miss the one beat Don't travel by train Don't eat Don't spill Don't piss in the drain Don't make a will Don't fill out any forms Don't compensate Don't cower Don't crawl Don't come around late Don't hover at the gate Don't take it on board Don't fall on your sword Just play another chord If you feel you're getting bored I feel numb I feel numb Too much is not enough I feel numb Don't change your brand Gimme what you got Don't listen to the band Don't gape Gimme what I don't get Don't ape Don't change your shape Gimme some more Have another grape Too much is not enough I feel numb I feel numb Gimme some more A piece of me, baby I feel numb Don't plead Don't bridle Don't shackle Don't grind Gimme some more Don't curve Don't swerve I feel numb Lie, die, serve Gimme some more Don't theorize, realise, polarise I feel numb Chance, dance,dismiss, apologise Gimme what you got Gimme what I don't get Gimme what you got Too much is not enough Don't spy I feel numb Don't lie Don't try Imply Detain Explain Start again I feel numb I feel numb Don't triumph Don't coax Don't cling Don't hoax Don't freak Peak Don't leak Don't speak I feel numb I feel numb Don't project Don't connect Protect Don't expect Suggest I feel numb Don't project Don't connect Protect Don't expect Suggest I feel numb Don't struggle Don't jerk Don't collar Don't work Don't wish Don't fish Don't teach Don't reach I feel numb Don't borrow Too much is not enough Don't break I feel numb Don't fence Don't steal Don't pass Don't press Don't try Don't feel Gimme some more Don't touch I feel numb Don't dive Don't suffer Don't rhyme Don't fantasize Don't rise Don't lie I feel numb Don't project Don't connect Protect I feel numb Don't expect Suggest Don't project Don't connect Protect I feel numb Don't expect Suggest

I feel numb

Numb :: U2

If you twist and turn away If you tear yourself in two again If I could, yes I would If I could, I would Let it go Surrender Dislocate If I could throw this Lifeless lifeline to the wind Leave this heart of clay See you walk, walk away Into the night And through the rain Into the half-light And through the flame If I could through myself Set your spirit free I'd lead your heart away See you break, break away Into the light And to the day To let it go And so to fade away To let it go And so fade away I'm wide awake I'm wide awake Wide awake I'm not sleeping Oh, no, no, no If you should ask then maybe they'd Tell you what I would say True colors fly in blue and black Blue silken sky and burning flag Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes If I could, you know I would If I could, I would Let it go...This desperation Dislocation Separation Condemnation Revelation In temptation IsolationDesolation Let it go And so fade away To let it go And so fade away To let it go And so to fade away I'm wide awake I'm wide awake Wide awake I'm not sleeping

Bad :: U2

Thursday, January 27, 2005

You are a good God, I can trust you.
You are a holy God, I seek to obey you.

Here's the sacrifice, there's the alter.
I'm walking away.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Wild horses...

... couldn't take me away.

weeeeeeeeeee!!! Things are good. I can't say that things are right or things are correct, but things are good. And the future is the future. For now, I'm broken, weak and a failed attempt at perfection. And this is good.

But I must remember, it does stop there.

... we'll rid them someday.
Shut up.
By Grace, I am pleasing to God.

There's nothing I can do to make Him love me more.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Seth and I are back together again.
I cannot justify my actions.

I only know that God loves me and I cannot earn my way into his courts by giving up this relationship. And that that commanding voice that told me that God is disgusted with me isn't the voice of truth. And that the spirit I have had in my act of obedience was riddled with pride and self-sufficency.

To obey is better then to sacrifice.

And in this moment right now, I finally have peace...

Seth:

um, but god is still your #1 priority right?
(i hope so)


i want you to be happy
and i want our relationship to be honest, and loving, and good
but within the boundries of your faith


i'm just afraid of you sacraficing something for me
i dont want you to change your way of life, your way of belief, just to be with me... i'm glad if you are changed by being with me... but i want it to be a natural change, not an active conscious change
you change me too


Dear Lord, I think we can talk again.

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Journey.
No one said it would be easy.

Your absence fills my lungs like lead and when I sleep, I hold your hand.
I sleep to dream you.

I'm weak.
Maker of the mountain, please make another way.