Friday, April 25, 2003

Did you watch The Matrix?

Someone, a rather charming young individual at that time (he was a good year and a half younger then me, and a good head and a half taller), came scrambling up in fright.

What if the matrix is real?
What if we really don't exist.
What if this is all an illusion

Who was it? that said " i think therefore I am?"

Well, he obviously wasn't very well versed in his science.

Jostein Gaarder brought this to another dimension through the eyes of a little girl, who was, tragically, fictional. Even to herself.

So what if all that we know, are, see, feel and believe is nothing but twenty pages of fiction in some other parallel world?
What if, we truely don't exist.
What if we are, in essence mere protoplasm blobs with no value of thought and life.

What do we choose to do then?


I'd choose to make it matter. In my own protoplam, paperback fictional world.
That's all there is for me anyway.

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Falls on knees, clasps hands and...

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my Wisdom, and thou my true Word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, and I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise;
Thou mine inheritance, now and always;
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

It's not easy.

I made a boy cry in class today.
They were all over the place.
One boy had to go the the restroom, he exited in drunken stupour, high on ink, his mouth a violent blue.

All crying for attention,
All wanting to go home,
None knowing the meaning of "wait"
None seeing that I am powerless to battle the admin.

Did they think that a 19-year-old relief teacher could march down to the office and persuade the english department to remove library week?!

Hell, they didn't care.
As long as it wasn't them who ended up playing scrabble or Bingo.
God forbid.
I mean, who knows what's next? They constent to play scrabble and before you know it, they're expected to hand in their work on time!
We can't have that can we?

I entered believing in myself.
That "I would not treat them or see them as anything less then the express classes and I will not expect anything less then them simply because they are NOT less"
No of course not.
But they are so different.
So I have to be different.

And I left, not seeing ugliness, not seeing hatred...
Anger yes, pain yes, beauty yes.
I left, no longer believing in myself, but shaken by the vastness of humanity.
There are people whom i cannot engage.

I just wish that they'd see beyond themselves.
That they'd have more respect for me and for each other.
That they'd stop treating me as their equal.
That they'd drop the incessant bullying and malice.
That they'd have more faith in themselves.
That they'd quit being selfish and selfcentered and see that there are people here on the verge of tears because someone doesn't want to play scrabble.

Damn the admin.

At least it wasn't me who dropped the tears.

Tuesday, April 22, 2003


find your element

You're a tequila sunrise, tequila, orange juice and a grenadine sunrise.  One of the most popular cocktails your friends mean the world to you and you're always eager to entertain them. %
""Which cocktail are you?""

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YOu see the world in Neutral
Harmony and balance is key. You don't look at the
world in a negative or positive way and you'll
never judge or assume a situation- you just
look at the facts. People like you are peaceful
and accepting.

What color do you see the world in?
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