Uh ohh

It's not often (maybe too often?) that I meet someone that makes me want to be completely honest and open with them. At what point will I grow up and learn that hey: life isn't just here in this moment you know, it isn't just this laugh, that ray of sunset, the mint breeze or this electricity. It's decades of misunderstandings, of fragile hopes that crumble like butterfly wings between the fingers of the mundane, of missed-matching careers with no end or purpose and bank balances that would direct the course of destiny but instead wrest it from you. 

How do you reconcile all this? Where is the sweet centre, the peaceful pivot point where all the stars hang in harmonious balance against the well ordered night. Consistently black. 

How? When I am the ocean, and my heart, a splintering vessel adrift with no sailor and no sail? 

Yangon Sunday's

Occupying space in Yangon Bake House Inya Road; getting over the shame of having blown up at a taxi driver for having brought me to Inya Lake Hotel instead, as if he had only heard the first two syllabus of my instructions. Why am I surprised? 

Reading City of God (St. Augustine) and Man's Search for Meaning (Victor E. Frankl). Learning that you can be happy in life. You can live a fulfilled life, a happy life, a life with meaning. Devoid of empty structures and meaningless obligations (except note that freedom is balanced with responsibility, and in that tension do we have the material to build a life). 

I think I need to start thinking about tension - about how to live in tension and and to use that to grow, to build. To embrace instead of run away. 

Telling myself over and over again that this too shall pass, that my days are numbered and that while I am not afraid of my inevitable demise from this world, how do I prepare myself for this hole that will be left behind, here and in me? I have so much love for this space and the people. How?