The past and future no longer have any meaning, nor do they hold weight, only in their silent distillation into the here and now do they matter, because, that's all there really is.
Ranyevskaya in 'The Cherry Orchard'
by Anton Chekhov
It's one thing to be a good and nice individual.
It's another thing to be blessed beyond reason.
I am who I am, and nothing I am, deserves all this.
God is the biggest flirt in the universe. He is Dionysis, giddy and dangerous, making drunk and defying reason. He is the concentric being, folding in on layers of existance and realms of understanding. He drowns all creation in his being. He is honey that confuses and gives peace. He is crazy, and he's dragging me deeper under. I can't feel my limbs or hear my thoughts. I've schizoed out into another world where I have nothing to hold on to, but Him. I quite like this though, just me and a terrible unsafe being, love. I'll fall down and I know it'll hurt to fall, but there's more happening here then a bunch of grazed nerves. I will reach the outermost layer of the universe. He, the quintessence of empiricalism and truth.Let her talk about the things you can't explain
Oh, I�m choking, I�m choking
On the smoke from this burning house
I claw and I scrape
But I can�t seem to get out
People, my dead life as you know it, is over.
Oh, it�s my world, too
But whose gold is this I�m digging out?
I stayed up till 4 am last night, watching 'Saved' with my boyfriend, then talking to Shulin. I decided somewhere in the movie that the life I lead, the person I am, will not be a result of tradition or communial belief. I will not reject the tradition of my religion, but I will not be slave to blind indoctrination. I will not throw away all ancient and paternal wisdom within my family or the church, but I will understand them in my context and above all, seek the Holy Spirit.
Is this time our time?
Yes, it is
Without or with this shadow of doubt
I have never been more alive then this year, when I decided to live. I understand that no one can live my life but me. No one can take responsibility for the sins I commit, or for the good choices and joy that I experience except for me and Jesus. God made me such, and I will seek my being and my humanity with in him.
I wanna go, I wanna run
We turn, so sure someone�s looking down
It�s haunting me, haunting me
Leaves us here to get out
I have nothing to fear, no shame due to me, no guilt except in they eyes of God. I owe no one an apology as no one owes me a living. I am not due to live my life to anyone's expectations: society's church's family's culture's yours, mine. I cannot live my life fearing social rejection or with my thru-line being to please every goddamn human soul here. I cannot keep living in shame, fear, inconfidence and embarrassment of who I am. I am made in the image of God and every inch of my being is in Him and belongs to Him and to Him alone and not anyone's monolingual perception.
I don�t want to wake up
Lost in the Dreams of our Fathers
Oh, it�s such a shame child
To live and die for the Dreams of our Fathers
I've had a great life as a child with my identity tied to my family, society, religion and culture. It was my empirical standard. But there comes a time, now when it has become my bondage. The safe sheep-pen in which I grew up in becomes my prison. I will not sell my life short to a structure that isn't mine, I will not deny myself an abundant life with God to my self-imposed religion. I will find my joy, my understanding, my peace and my victory in who I am uniquely in Christ. Not what is expected of me, not in the SOPs of my indoctrination, but in what is organic, real and true.
This love I possess, love
It must be the Dream of my Father.
My heavenly Father. Alone. My personal living God in whom my vision is founded. I can only say, that the life I'm living now, the Love I have for my friends, my family, for school, for the church, for Seth (especically), can only be of God, from God and for God. The peace I revel in can only be His pleasure in my life, (dare I say this?) that I am living out what he has always wanted me to be. In Love, In Life, In victory.
And in the words of Les Miserables: To love another, is to see the face of God.
What more do I seek, But to live in His presence? And how can I turn away from this reality of grace in the face of harsh Law to reach holiness? More more more more more, then I can ever contain, his love, his grace his bigness.
The more I search and remove myself from the past, the greater and more amazing God becomes.
(Lyrics: DMB ~ Dreams of our fathers)
"People are going to hell. Can we not sacrifice convention for them?"
~ A very wise Sarah.
I've got my bedroom and pillow thank you very much.
Humanity, hubris. What are we to do? There are a ton of hurting people in the world, and if were to sit around and act upon our inability to understand rather then love, we as christians aren't doing what we were called to do.
"Love your neighbour as yourself" is hailed by the Lord as the second most important commandment. Why wait till we understand before we love? We cannot even understand ourselves yet we do anyway. Suck it up.
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
and you don't know what to do
Nothing you confess could make me love you less.
I don't think we dare believe that anymore.
There are so many aspects when it comes to loving a person. It ought to be an art really. There's the message, the speaker of the message, the timing of delivery, the medium of delievery the style and the tone. Or maybe there just is no love. Period.
When you're standing at the crossroads
and don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong...
yes, what if I'm wrong?
Take me in, into your darkest hour
and I'll never desert you
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you...
Thank you God, your faithfulness never ceases.
I'll stand by you ~ The pretenders
"The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being" ~ Genesis 2:7
Let me re-learn what it means to be human
God forbid I take the easy way out.
"What point could there be troubling?
Head down wondering what will become of me?
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
The time is short but that's all right
Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
All good things must come to an end some time
But don't burn the day away"
"Is this not enough?
This blessed sip of life,
Is it not enough?"
"But while you're dancing on the ground
Don't think of when you're gone"
Pig ~ Dave Matthews Band
So wise!"Theatre is not about studying, it's about experience. And
no doubt everyone has to start from somewhere, and what you lack in experience, you make up in discipline and humility." ~DQ