Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Social perceptions
Growing old
Losing things
Being Wrong
Being Corrected
Scary Movies
2.4 km runs
Tests of capability

Just a couple of things I'm scared off.

Monday, June 23, 2003

She's back.

I need to snap out of this.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

Doesn't mean much, doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me is a cold room.

Not yet anyway...
Is devastating, to reach a point where I want to leave so as to push all these failed relationships out of the picture.
Only that they aren't really failed, I just perceive them to be.
It's my perceptive I need to push out...
I'll be carrying my demons around for sometime.

I've crossed the last line, from where I can't return,
Where every step I took in faith betrayed me.
And led me from my home

Anyway from all that I know.
Had God given us everything we wanted and asked for, had he removed all our trials the moment we prayed for delieverance, we would not understand the extent of his faithfulness.
We probably wouldn't know Him at all.

A sense of betrayal... personal expectations.
Of course there is no betrayal in such faith, fool...
If you can't see His hand, trust His heart.
Take me to lose all expectations and to have faith, simply.
Lest I cross the last line once again.

You take me in no questions asked
You stripped away the ugliness that surrounds me

Replicated over and over again in my earthly relationships. Only that I do not trust these reflections as much as I should.
Have more faith in humanity Hannah...
The price of self-dependency - fear, trepidation, and ultimately, hollowness.

Who are you?
Are you an angel? Am I already that gone?
I only hope that I don't disappoint you
When I'm down here on my knees

That I would have such high regard for anyone I respect.
That I would end up disappointing the expectations I have projected that they have upon me.
Everyone is an extension of myself - my desires, my sense, my will.

And I don't understand how by the touch of your hand,
I would be the one to fall.

Always, and it's my fault.
They don't darn know it.
The effect I have upon myself.
They're all... facilitators sadly, not real entities.
In effect, I touch myself.

I miss the little things, I miss everything
about you.

You live in the past Hannah, you have to learn to let go.

Sweet Sweet Surrender...
Is all that I have to...

Not just yet.
And I fear, I have nothing to give
And I have so much to lose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like better then to fall
And I fear, I have nothing to give.

Somehow, this is more real to me then ever before.

I've come to the root of my vice - Fear
Of not being good enough,
Of being scorned
Of being turned away
Of being rediculed
Of being unloved
Of myself.

Of being weak.

I fear what I am.

I guess it's a start. I'm learning. Thank you God for so many things.

The bible says in revelations "Blessed is he who overcomes" and if we are going to be overcomers, we'd better have something to overcome.