Worse, then the total agony of being in love?

I love you this much. eternally.

I can live like this. Simple and here.
But there's more for me up there, and I'm waiting for the call.

There's more happening here then just you and me.
~ Spidey

I won't live forever.

There's no time for us, There's no place for us, What is this thing that builds our dreams, Yet slips away from us. There's no chance for us, It's all decided for us, This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us. Now touch my tears with your lips, Touch my world with your fingertips, And we can have forever, And we can love forever, Forever is our today.
Who waits forever anyway?

New plan of action to life:
To live what I have, without grappling for what isn't there.

The essense of truth is the here and now.
What was and what will come has no defination.
There's nothing to be done about all that.

5 years ago, I fell in love with someone who didn't exist.

...5 years ago

And I fear I have nothing to give

And I have so much to lose,

Here in this lonely place,

Tangled up in our embrace.

There's nothing I'd like better,

Than to fall.

Do you know what I'm feeling now?

I need more of me sometimes. I am resentful of the fact that there is a scarcity of me and hence I have to make choices. Opportunty costs really suck.

I lead a wonderful happy life. I am content and joyful.
I have peace.
I have adventure.
I have troubles.
I have love.
I have friends.
I have families.

I should be humbled.

"Yes, but what truth? You can see which is truth and which is falsehood, but I feel as if I'd gone blind - I can't see anything at all. You boldly settle all the great questions, but my love, isn't that because you're young, isn't that because you've never had to live a single on of those questions out? You look boldly forwards, but isn't that because you have the eyes of youth, becuase life is still hidden from them, so that you see nothing frightening in store? You're more daring than the rest of us, you're deeper, you're more honest - but think about it for a moment, be just a touch magnanimous in your judgement, take pity on me."

Ranyevskaya in 'The Cherry Orchard'
by Anton Chekhov

It's one thing to be a good and nice individual.
It's another thing to be blessed beyond reason.
I am who I am, and nothing I am, deserves all this.