Saturday, March 20, 2004


You don't wanna be alone
You don't want to see the sun go down

I hid in my sweater today over dinner. Watching the white fleecy material sway under my breath while being vaugely aware of the inappropriateness of the situation. I wanted to press my face against the oblivious grey lumps and just exhale. Slowly. Creating an internal vaccum working with the atmosphere to crush my frame into escape.

So what are you gonna do about me
I'll be there when you have no one else
I'll be there, be your friend
Hold on strong, don't let go
There will never be no one to take your place
So don't you want to reach out and take my hand

Change in through-line: Talk to me. I will listen.

Only becuase I am the most unaltruisitc person around, and I need you, to need me.
I vampire on your needs.

Lyrics: Hannah Jane ~ Hootie and the blowfish.
This isn't quite right.

Friday, March 19, 2004

My god, the whole train of selfishness is almost impossible to escape. Self-centeredness self-absorption self-sufficiency all moving together to push the fundamentals out. It is who I am.

Everything is potentially a snare. It's like tripping over your walking stick.
It just sucks when the gifts become more important the giver, and everything becomes twisted and ugly

And all I need to do is to let go

And let God.

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Never underestimate the power of ignornace.

The lighting board came in for caberet today

Hello, I know you...

@ TAGS 4

In this land that spans three time zones, I've never been so small.
Time for a perception change.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

I am who I am

I've wondered at how multi-faceted I am in terms of my personality.
But I am not (no one is) multi-faceted in terms of my Character

very different: who I am and who I am perceived to be.
And to add to that: who I let myself be perceived to be.

So please don't mix this up, for me, or for anyone.

Yes, even if I am the bimbo in geog class who whimers about the complexities of magnetic declination, I am a person. So you can bitch about me being rediculous, but don't reject me for that. We're all different with our individualistic perceptions of normality, turth and what-have-you-nots.

Different does not mean better or worse.
Different does not mean right or wrong.
Differnet does not mean acceptable or not.

Culture and morality are two different things. Now here's the catch:
I build my morality on my culture. even if my culture stems from within the universal church of God, I am here, I am me for a reason. You are here, you are you for that exact same reason.

So, I may never agree, you may never be comfortable, I may never concede, you may never convince.
But, despite all, we can always love

Something worthy to say

Doesn't entail likeing what's there,
It means to respect the differences and to see beyond, and within, and not solely on your grounds.

Monday, March 15, 2004

The massy mass, messy mess, massy mess, and the messy mass.
All in one, one in all.

And strangely, delightfully exhausting.

I just need to find that center, that peace, that calm... and I'm good to go.