Saturday, March 08, 2008

If every angel's terrible Then why do you welcome them You provide the bird bath I provide the skin And bathing in the moonlight I'm to tremble like a kitten If blue eyed babes Raised as hitler's little brides and sons They got angelic tendencies Like some boys tend to act like queens Oh if every angel's terrible Then why do you watch her sleep You love to hear her sin And wear purple eyes like rings Well the flowers have no scent And the child's been miscarried Oh every angel's terrible Said freud and rilke all the same Rimbaud never paid them no mind But jimmi morrison had his elevators His elevators He had his elevator angels If every angel's terrible Why do you hide inside her Like a child in a skirt The supermarket's loud and bright And boy don't she feel warm tonight.

It does, however, show that I am not what I don't want to be.
And that is you.

Although, it can be nice to be dulled.
Change in plans

Contrary to popular belief, I am extremely happy with where I am. So much so, that I'd like it to last a little while longer.

Thank you all.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


You all doin’ alright? You ok? I’m not screamin at ya, I’m just askin you a question. Y’all givin’ me a clap. A yes is fine (laughing) ok? (voice from audience “I love that song”) Thank you. Praise God. I tell you, I know everybody’s in the same mess. I’m telling you. We all are. I know that, you know, and I’m just, you know, I’ll be the first to tell you, you know, I’m a mess and God is dealing with me everyday. And everyday I’m trying, you know, how I can be less of a mess. Cuz you know, he showed me, Look Lauryn, you know, You’re the problem, ok, I’m going to show you how you’re causing the problem, and now I want you to be the solution. And that’s what all of these songs are about, just, problem, cause and solution. Free your mind. It’s like, we all think that the gospel is join and church building, and that’s deception, you know. The real gospel is Repent, which means ‘let go of all that crap,’ that’s killin’ ya. Life was supposed to be a pleasurable experience, not this torment, you know. And when I realized that I was tormenting myself, it was about my lust. It wasn’t about things that I needed it was just, you know, all these security blankets. I mean, the more I acquired I became more of a prisoner. I mean, you know, forty people on staff, and you can’t do nothing, and now creativity is impossible because all you can think about is all these folks that you know, you’re supporting and carryin’ and you know, it’s not good. You know, everybody…a friend of mine says that every tub has to stand on it’s own bottom, you know. And in that respect, we all get to do what our passion is. See that’s what praisin God is all about, is doing your passion. You know, it’s not useless, worthless ritual, you know, monotonous ritual, where we just show up and can’t wait to see the game, you know. It’s doing your passion and fulfilling your passion. You know. That’s how we’re thankful. That’s how we say we appreciate the opportunity to be alive. And I’m just glad that I, you know, I don’t have to slave anymore. You know, cuz I, music was my love, and because of everything I thought had to accompany my music it became my burden. It just got stolen from me. I said, What is this? How did this thing that I love so much so easily and so quickly turn to something I loath and hate? And so now, you know, I understand that it was because I was measuring myself or trying to compare myself to a standard that wasn’t reality. It wasn’t the standard at all, you know. There’s a scripture in the Bible that we, what does it say, it says ‘We compare ourselves amongst ourselves’ you know. That’s not the standard. You already are the standard. What are you trying to fit into a standard for? We were each created to be individual standards, you know. And we’re trying to fit into a standard? It doesn’t make any sense, you know. So now I’m just, you know, after all that, I’m just ready to be me. And it’s a lot to work through, you know, because all of us have hidden in these little boxes purposely, because of parts of ourselves that we were unhappy about. And it’s because we didn’t understand, you know, because there’s all this social doctrine that says, you know, that the infinite God, with all this expression, who created every single one of us, absolutely different, on purpose, wants everybody to fit into the same suit. But like, you know, that’s deception. That’s deception.
(Talking to someone offstage) Ok, let me just, I think this is the wrong one (laughing) I don’t think this is the right one.
We took…we were in, um, Florida this weekend and we took the kids to Disneyworld, and um, you know we were going, they gave us a tour. They escorted us through the back. And when they escorted us through the back, we got to see how, you know, there all these people workin all hard, and it was like, real dirty back there, and of course, in the front it was all immaculately clean. And I said, I said, you know, People need to see the reality, they need to see, you know, how these people slave to maintain this illusion. And it felt like my life. I said, If people only knew what it was. It’s like, you know, a bunch of musicians, listen, bustin’ their ‘mm’ workin all hard to make it look easy. What’s the point? You know, Oh, uh, I just threw this together, uh…(audience laughs). You know, it’s like, you know what I’m sayin? I mean, you know. Slaving. Slaving to act like, you know, I wake up like this. And none of us do, you know, none of us do. None of us do. And reality is good cuz that means everybody could just exhale, let your belly out, you know, and chill. You know. But people get mad at me when I say, Look, let’s stop frontin’. And I’m saying, you know, that’s the blessing. Now we can go around and look at each other and say, Oh, you got one too?! And be free. And we want to defend the curse. I’ll tell ya, that was not fun. Did it for a long time. Too long.
(offstage) You didn’t find it? It’s another white one. But you see…in my purse. Or the, the other bag? Or the green one? Ghetto. You know, it’s reality, ok (laughing)?
One time, it came to me, you know, I was just told very concretely. You know, it was like that voice, the right one, said to me, he said, Lauryn, You know the real you is more interesting than the fake somebody else. I just want you to know that. Because we always thought we could get, you know, we could get reality by just putting on the clothes and wearin’ the face and you know, lookin hard in the video. But, you know. Reality’s like I’ve always told to my husband, it’s like, look, you know, we look at Bob Marley, you know, and we say Ok, let’s just grow locks and wear the clothes and have the band and we have no many idea how many years of struggle and pain and suffering that made that content. You see what I’m saying? You can’t get it from the outside in. Truth is from the inside out. You know, and the way we’ve been trying to heal and be healed is with these topical, surface, superficial, temporary solution. And I’m telling you, true healing is from the inside out. You know, we’ve been told to protect our outer man while our inner man is dying. (offstage) Oh, this is the one.
Boy I’ll tell ya, God made him for me. I’m something to put up with. And to endure that is amazing. I’ll be the first to tell you, trust me. Y’all could clap cuz that’s some real work (more clapping). I was in there in the room, you know, before we came out here, and he said to me, I said, Ro should I change? And he said, Yeah. So I looked at him, I said, Why did you tell me to change I was comfortable, man. But I asked him the question. So I went in the room and I tried on all these clothes and I was like, I feel like an idiot. So I pulled out all these clothes and I’m sayin, ok Ro, you know, Pack the bag neatly, you know, Could you put the clothes back in? And he’s like, Alright. So he’s trying to do this but then I’m like, No! Now take this out! Now put that back and take that out! Put that back, hold that, take, that, put, The orange shoe! The orange shoe! So I’m like. And then after awhile I just said, Ro baby, could you leave? Please get out the room. And I just put back on the clothes I came in. Ok, I was like…I’m just not there anymore. Nah, I’m telling you. It’s like, uh (laughing). Hey you know he’s learned. Because before we used to just beef and now he’s like, Okay…I’m out. It’s real. God gave us a brand new relationship, man, I mean, one in truth, you know. It’s like, we date people, like let’s say, you know, we’re interested in somebody and we put on the perfume and dress up and then we do things that we will never ever ever do again! You understand what I’m sayin? It’s like…And that’s why so many marriages end up in divorce. It’s because people wake up next to a stranger. They say, Who the hell are you? What are you doing in this bed? Where’s that man that used to do ‘du, dua, and du.’ And I’m sayin let’s give them reality from the door because…you’re going to attract love, and the one that really loves you. And then you don’t have to pretend and falcify, and you know, keep that posture. You know, you know, I can’t, I’m just like...I’ll never forget when I first met him I said to him, it was like, he saw me eating in front of him, and he told me, he was like, You eat like a man, you must not like me. You know, because, women, usually they keep that posture. And I said, Nah. I said it’s not even that, you know. It’s but, this is reality. This is, you know, and that’s it, man, I mean, I’m just telling you, it’s so wonderful to finally find…And trust me, it’s a work in progress, it’s not something that happens overnight. We all have to be introduced to each other. I’m telling you, I know that I’m up here and you see, Lauryn Hill, you came to see Lauryn Hill. But this is the first time y’all meet me. You see what I’m saying? Don’t think you met me before, ok. And as I grow, you’re going to meet me a little bit more. You’re gonna be exposed to the real me a little bit more. I can tell you I had to reintroduce myself to everybody I know. My mother my father. Listen, y’all never knew me. I want to introduce you to me. I’m just getting to know me. And you know what, anything that’s not growin is dead, so we better be changing. You know, people would say to me, they would hold me hostage. And they, seriously, emotionally hostage, and they’d say, Uh, she’s changing. The money’s changing her. And I’d say Listen, the money’s not changing me, God’s changing me. I’m changing, because that’s a natural part of life. We’re all supposed to change. Who wakes up and is the same way tomorrow and the day after that? Nobody is. Let the experience teach you and be real, man. And, um..there’s gonna be warfare involved. Because there’s some people who prefer deceptions, see. They say, uh, I don’t like this new expression, and I say, what, you want two-thirds of me to stay outside? I’m a whole person. You can’t say, you know, two-thirds of Lauryn, come in here. Only two-thirds is acceptable. I’m a whole person. You know. And that’s everybody. You always talk about spiritual warfare and we did
n’t realize that it was in relationships. It’s emotional warfare. Being able to tell the people we love the most the truth about ourselves. And when they say, Hey that doesn’t fit into our box for you, we say, Well, I ain’t in no box. Don’t try to put me in one. I’m going to play a little bit of guitar with this one, but I might stop it’s cuz I really want you to listen to the words, so if I stop, you understand why. I want you to really hear the words…
Oh Jerusalem yeah, oh Jerusalem, oh Jerusalem, oh Jerusalem...

Realizing that there's no place else to go
And there's nobody I know who can help here
Text book solutions are so improbable
Cuz everybody else is just as empty
Naked as the day that I was born, I tried to hide
Behind education and philosophy
Hopeless explanation to describe a situation
I can't see because the world's on top of me

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
Of an enemy that seeks to take my breath
Failing to connect, cuz I'm morally defect
By reason of the God inside my head
Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
Believing I'm alive when I'm still dead
Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
Cuz I can't see past my own vanity
If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
From my mind because it has to be insanity

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me
From the body of this death
Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
In this staged interpretation of this day
Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
Too intelligent to see it's me in the way
What a paradox, having God trapped in a box
All this time professing to be spiritual
Naturally pretending, that I'm actually defending
God through my fa├žade, only material

Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee, oh Jerusalem
Keeping thee from perfection

Submit to truth, leave the deception of thy youth
So we can walk in the council of authority
Forget the proof, a generation so aloof
Only following the steps of the majority
Trust in the Lord, with all thy heart
And lean not to thine own understanding in all thy ways
Acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths
Be not wise in thine own eyes that you can’t follow him
We judge and condemn, just as ignorant as them
Who religion tells us that we should ignore
Perpetrating we're in covenant with Him
Exposed by the very things that we adore
We grin and shake hands, then lay ambush for the man
Who has a different point of view than us
Infuriated cuz he doesn't understand
Bringing up those things we don't want to discuss
Why still do evil, we don't know how to do good
Walking on in darkness running from the light, ey
Led to believe, because we live in neighborhoods
Telling us what's going on will be alright
Oh so repressed, so convinced that I was blessed
When I played with my game of Monopoly
Oh to suggest, that my life is still a mess
To reveal the pride I'm hiding is what's stopping me

Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee, oh Jerusalem
Keeping them from perfection

Abide in me and I in you, as the branch cannot bare
Fruit of itself except in the vine
I am the vine, ye are the branches, He that live in me
And I in him, the same bring forth much fruit
But without me, you can do nothing, oh Jerusalem
You're traditions have deceived you
I've chosen you, you haven't chosen me
And whatsoever, you ask in my name he may give to you
But in vain they call my name, teaching doctrines just the same
Justified among themselves
But God knoweth the heart, what man esteems as smart
Is an abomination to Emmanuel
Just repent, turn from selfish motivation
So iniquity will not cause your demise
Make you a new heart and a new spirit for why would He die
Oh Jerusalem, please tell me why
I have no pleasure in the death of Him to die
Says the Lord God whereforth turn yourselves and live
It's not the talkers, but the walkers in His word
Are the only ones the Father will forgive

Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness
That thou may be saved from thy deception
How long, shall thy vain thoughts lodge within thee, oh Jerusalem
Providing you no protection

Oh Jerusalem...

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

I just want to sing