What matters?
If it matters or not, it doesn't matter.
I sit, under the guise that I am "tired", and rage.

Sometimes, I am amazed at how much I struggle, and how much I don't show it.
Histronical Hannah.
But I go deeper.
I am not two dimensional... please
so please don't see the rest of the world on paper.

I struggle between humble acceptance, and indignified rage.
I struggle between gracious forgivness and power-endowing pettiness.
I struggle between polaric reactions, knowing that the I-should-have's would visit both. It's a lose-lose situation.
I struggle with knowing that the power and perfection I seek comes about through submission and sacrifice.
I struggle with knowing that I am self-centred to the point of self-dependency and that that is a manifestation of pride.

My perfection breeds deeper imperfection.

some issues are results of outright rebellion.
I see that everywhere I go.
In the war.
In politics.
In the church....

We're all rebellious at one point or another, it's almost a need, a pathway to greater growth.
Now that we've done that and sorted that out, shouldn't the issues cease to be and bring that journey to an end?
Rebellion shouldn't be a state, but a door to another level.

Some become excuses of the other.
*Hug*
I love the way you know, and are not afraid to speak.

I hate the way I hurt so easily. I can't even walk out of anywhere feeling alright.

While I was Gone
Reading this book now by Miller.
I have come to realise that my moral standards ultimately breed nothing but pride.
*ouch*
So how do I balance love, humility, and acceptance with what is right.
Oh, and there we go again! "wtih what is right" Bigot
But it's all that I know, all that I've grown up with, all that shapes and defines me and I struggle day and night to build this upon the word of God.

so what do I do? With nicotine and sex and alcohol and swearing?
... and love?

How does one reconcile a religion that preaches unconditional love with a religion that damns all who (for no fault of their own) are not pre-selected?
Yes Andrea, you started this.




Well, it's freaking me out
Talk about knowing your CG members...
At least the writing's good.

Beautiful beautiful beautiful you

It's been what, 4 years?
I'd like to thank you for some many things.
For getting me into trouble with Miss Ho: "Hannah, will you hold my hand?"
For being gracious when we fought,
For letting me into your life,
For your poems.
For your vulnerablity.
For your insight.
For lunch and coffee.
For your oppinions.
For your excitment and anger.
For being as giving as you demand,
For your humour.
For letting me be needed in my little way.
For being downright rediculous.

yup.

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.


What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh wowiee! I'm the perfect girlfriend. Any takers?

I'm a bitch, I'm a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt, when you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb, I'm revived
Can't say I'm not alive
You know I wouldn't want it any other way

Maybe not quite...

Yours truely,
Lil' Miss hideous.

I've realised we cannot be extreme in what we desire.

I desire peace
But not at the expense of gratefulness.
I would that the world would be at peace, and every man's soul be at rest.
But I would not have ignorance, bigotry, self-centredness and selfishness.
We need a bit of pain to battle that.

Ugh

So what do I do?

With nicotine and sex and alcohol and swearing?

I hate it when I'm prescriptive.
Aren't we all?
But how can I speak so? I know for a fact that I do not define anything.
But you do know that God's standard is ontological?
That's ME... and sometimes, very alone, and it breeds Pride Hateful, unloving pride... and I don't like it.
[silence]
I lose.. against myself.

So what do I do?

With nicotine and sex and alcohol and swearing ... and love?

I'll stick with bleeding thank you.

I cannot judge.
I cannot speak against another whom I do not know.
I cannot define righteous anger for all my CGLish preparation.
Humanity is broader then I know.
I can only apologise for the arrogance i harbour in my heart.

But then again, to say that one is bound by circumstance, robs him of his humanity. His ablility to decide and choose as a rational being.
I still say, I'm too harsh in my perfect life.

flirting with fire

www.pinglet.com
hmmmmmmmm...
[runs over to hold Dennis, doesn't let go.]

human
I play a good game,
but not as good as you
I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough
to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue
Now the damage is done...

Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I thought you'd come through,
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you keep going 'til you break my heart
Yeah, you break my heart
See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive,
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside
I stumble and fall, baby, under it all
I'm only human on the inside
And the damage is done...

I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all
I'm only human on the inside.

[Kneels and prays] Dear God, please let them see that, and be gentle.



Well now, that makes sense doesn't it?

Tiny

I don't know why i fear so much, I don't understand how I balk at the thought of speaking, of doing anything, in case i trip over my feet.
I know my worth, I just don't trust anyone else too see it.

Showdown in Iraq

With so much public opinion on the war, I can't really iron out how i feel exactly...

war is not right
But that does not make it wrong. It is an outrage to humanity but then again, who are we to decide how we are to live and how humanity functions? We are trapped within our own nature, and we cannot doing anything to change that. War, along with peace and love has it's place in our nature. Sometimes, It is a necessity, no matter how cruel.

You cannot say that you understand
Of course I don't understand how the iraqis feel, Of course i don't understand what it is like to live without food and water and in constant fear and uncertainty. Nor do you. So how can we protest against the body that calls for war if we cannot understand its situation? Some call for peace because they know what it is like to suffer, others cry for war, because they don't want to experience suffering.

Bombing for peace is like F***ing for Virginity
And I wonder how they expect Bush to call of the war. Like "Oh wow, that so makes sense. oh well, i'll just call back my troops from half-way round the globe and give saddam a peace offering."

Of course it is logical. I agree, but then again, short term peace may forfeit the future. It's like removing a cancerous growth, you kill a million other cells, lose all your hair strength, self-confidence... but you live longer. hopefully.

I'd rather save money on the candles and give it to charity
But what the arts community has done is so powerful and uplifting it amazes me. Although i cannot agree with every word spoken, I feel that Lysistrata Lah! and the candle lighting concert has created a spirit of passion and empathy, it has heightened awareness and expressed amazing concern. It was a humanising experience. But we must be careful with the power that such passion wields, biasness and over-reaction is prone to happen. This has done Singapore a lot of good. To some "it's one big party!", for others, a chance to express their intense hatred towards hate (and to teether on the edge of prescriptiveness), for me, a chance to evalutae what i believe in, and what others believe in and to try to solidify my stand.

[capacity-buliding]
I find the previous debates somewhat amusing.
A war about the war.
How can we suggest peace if we cannot demonstrate it ourselves?
What happened to tolernace and understanding?
I find it... stupid.
The group was set-up with democratic ideals, a free space for expression and discussion.
Yet to me, it has somehow turned into a farce.
I'm just glad that the war is over, and i can read articles in peace.

I am in no position to decide
anything.
I do not agree with this war.
There seems to be no wisdom at the reigns.
The Timing,
The words,
The ways,
They do not lie open, blameless and warrented.

So I will sit here, comforted that is life is but a bus stop.

human
I play a good game,
but not as good as you
I can be a little cold, but you can be so cruel
I'm not made of brick, I'm not made of stone
But I had you fooled enough
to take me on
If love was a war, it's you who has won
While I was confessing it, you held your tongue
Now the damage is done...


Well there's blood in these veins
And I cry when in pain
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks can deceive
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I thought you'd come through,
I thought you'd come clean
You were the best thing I should never have seen
But you go to extremes, you push me too far
Then you keep going 'til you break my heart
Yeah, you break my heart
See I bleed and I bruise, oh, but what's it to you
I'm only human on the inside
And if looks could deceive,
Make it hard to believe
I'm only human on the inside
I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I'm only human on the inside
I stumble and fall, baby, under it all
I'm only human on the inside
And the damage is done...

I wish we'd see that in everyone.

I crash and I burn, maybe some day you'll learn
I stumble and fall, baby, I do it all
I'm only human on the inside