Saturday, June 02, 2007

Day 0

Ok this is Day 0 for sure. Meaning that I start tomorrow. So I will wake up and drink salt water and squeeze lemons. But what has my digestive track been up to of late? Well here's the low down:

Wednesday: Singaporeans arrive, have AMAZING huge dinner in richmond.

Thursday: Had expired frozen pizza for breakfast. Had expired frozen pizza for lunch. Had instant noodles for second lunch. Had perogies, canned soup and pasta for dinner.

Friday (today!): Had huge-ass cinnamon bun (or huge ass-cinnamon bun) for breakfast, had tons of pasta for lunch and a huge chinese dinner (yay Singaporeans).

SO! today, what do I do? I get home, and make myself a huge cup of laxative tea (Senna leaf). I drink it.

Nothing happens.

Thursday, May 31, 2007


According to the rules of the meme: People who are tagged should write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "you are tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I must match my underwear.

Which is a problem because I don't own matching underwear. I never buy bras and panties in a set because I am cheap and buy cheap things. So, I've created my own internal logic with regards to what constitutes a 'matching' set. It helps that I am a boring person and own underwear in sensible, no-nonsense, practical and to-the-point colours. My bras are either black, skin-tone or purple while my underwear comes in a little more variety: black, grey, purple, white, blue, and a yellow green stripped cutie that has 'smoochie' printed in pink across the back. There's also a turtle on that one. Don't ask me why.

Basically, my internal logic runs as follows: Black bras go with black underwear (screw the different patterns and textures), Skin-tone bras go with Skin - tone underwear (screw the difference in tones) and purple bras go with purple or grey underwear. Ok so it MOSTLY matches. BUT its the purple that tosses me off guard. Everytime I step into my very comfortable grey boyshorts I feel a little pang of guilt for copping out on 'matching' and settling for something that wouldn't even pass for a match on a black and white film. Needless to say, my whites, blues, yellow and the yellow-green-pink-smoochie-turtle underwear have been sorely neglected.

2. I burst out in random words when I am not paying attention to myself.

Somewhat akin to the turrets syndrome, I find myself suddenly bursting out in words like 'No!' or 'Go Away!'. Or in a state of incoherant excitement, I would wail out a triger word in the conversation. For example,

Boss: This tea is a symphony of flavours
Boss: Wha...?

I day dream alot and create entire internal dialogues and debates that are usually confrontational in nature. They revolve around theological arguments that I itch to have, or stories that I want to tell, or an issue that I seek to resolve. While these scenarios are staged in my mind, I will speak aloud random words.

3. I abhor lingustic mutations.

By dis i mean using eng badly n nt typing wrds out fully. u hv no idea how much dat annoys me. 1337 5p34k is NOT a language in my books.

Yes I am perfectly aware of the fact that I myself am incapable of spelling. But at least I try!

4. I fret about getting the best bargain in town.

This kiasu-ness extends into my time, my energy and my life. I will spend more effort then necessary in planning my route, sinking into mild panic when I realise that I can't know the exact distance of route A or of route B, and which will save me more energy or time. I fly into outrageous frustration when I realise that I made the wrong decision. My stomache tosses over and I seek desperately for the 'undo' button.

5. I am an emotional exhibitionist.

I must let everyone - not matter how remotely involved- know of my personal struggles and issues. Well not everything, but a lot of them. It's a form of public confession. Perhaps if I tell them about my internal issues and problems and splash them out on my blog for the whole goddamned world to read, I might be understood and accepted. And if i'm lucky, I might attain my original goal of receiving atonement by the public god.

6. In my bid to save money and food. I will eat almost anything. I am a human composter.

Mouldy rice.
Nuff said

Ok, anyway, I tag: Angie, DQ, Glappy, Ling, Shu and Glen.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

This to to all the people who have been bugging me to join facebook.
(Just replace 'MySpace' wtih 'Facebook')

Hannah: I love geeks. [Sighs as she continues to browse]

Coworker: Do you? Why?

Hannah: [Swivels round on office chair] Well, they're so sweet. Shy, quiet, nervous and gentle.

Coworker: Yeah that's true...

Hannah: The perfect set-up for "the manipulative girlfriend".

Coworker: You crack me up.
I'm sorry....

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Day -4

Okkaaaayyyy... So wonderful news. There will be a bevy of Singaporeans coming up to Vancouver tomorrow. And everyone knows what a monstrosity it is for one to meet up with a group of Singaporeans and not EAT.

So my status as of now is that I have three litres of maple syrup and 56 lemons that are slowly - but surely - ripening. And I won't start the fast for another 3 days or so.

I'm so sorry Robby. I know you probably hate me now. :(
Ladies and Gentlemen.

I have an annoucement to make.

I am about to start on a Cleanse/Detox programme called 'The Master Cleanse'.

It entails NOTHING but Lemon Juice, Maple Syrup, Cayenne Pepper, Laxative Teas and Sea Salts for 10 days.

My blog will hence forth contain the daily details of this cleanse starting from today.


...or just be grossed out

Day 0

Ok this is the day before the cleanse, it basically entailed preparations for my 10 day journey into lemons and maple syrup. So I truged all along Cambie looking for the cheapest deals on the required ingrediants. Would you believe it, I found everything I needed at Capers for cheap! Here's the bill:

3 x 1 Litres of Maple syrup - Dark and Organic @ $15.99 each
4 x 14 lemons in a bag - Organic @ $2.99 each
1 Sea Salt Shaker - Uniodized @ $1.49
1 Laxative Tea (20 sachets) - Seanna Leaf @ $7.39
Cayanne pepper - 57 grams @ $2.39
Lemon Juicer ~ $2.

All in all, the bill came up to around $73. A little pricey but considering that I won't be consuming anything else, I can deal. And its cheap considering that the usual price of the maple syrup is $18.99 per bottle and lemons - at best - are found @ 3 for $1. I so got a deal! And its all organic too!

So I will start this evening after dinner with a laxative tea thing, have an early night to wake up at 6. Then I will douse my insides with salt water and be gross for the next two hours before goig to work.

As you can tell, I'm stoked! I'm so looking forward to the process and I really hope I'll last all 10 days or so (I kept the Capers receipt just in case).

SO! I've got the tea, salt cayanne and maple syrup on a shelf in my cupboard, and lemons all over my table.

I think I'm going to get me a pizza for dinner. MMmmmmmm.

(p.s. If I die, and ya'll need someone to blame, Robby's the man to hit. He got me into this and he's doing it with me. Let's go!)
I had the best party last night. The best two parties to be exact. And church was also awesome. So was lunch.

This is the summer I've always wanted.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

By the way Tom, the fight continues!

Mel: Do you have facebook?

Hannah: No.

Mel: You know what I'm doing now Hannah? I'm going into my OWN facebook site, to download my OWN pictures, back onto my computer to send them to you.