Saturday, March 13, 2004

Does me being a christian annoy people?

What did the bible say about being aliens to this world?

"If there were no racial distinctions people would just pick on something else. You just choose what is not you and make yourself superior to that."
~ Jo.

It works both ways. Me and the other, the other and me.

And hence I am a bitch to the 'hello' over the internet. No, it doesn't feel good and yes, i might have an inferiorty complex.
Do something.
~ Sarah to God... and then it was my turn.

Every other moment, I see new reasons, new missions, new projects.
Every other moment, I find more love, more life, more joy.
Every other moment, I feel more grace, more need, more passion.

Every other moment, I face my direction, I understand my meaning, I live in quiet power.

I don't have to ask to be shown glory, it's in the infinity of every single moment.

Friday, March 12, 2004


This is what helplessness feels like

That old dog has chained you up alright
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside an empty rage

Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe my love is directed to me. I want the healing to come from me.

I'll rock you till the daylight comes
Make sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything
Tonight I'll be your mother I will
Do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind and you won't feel ashamed

~Sophie B. Hawkins

Not for me anyhow.
Time to remind myself that I am a mere human.

And this is what helplessness feels like. To see you suffer and to be unable to do anything about it. Struggling, wrestling and all. Chains. Wearines. Restlessness. Desire. Pain. I don't know which one hurts the most. Maybe it's the fact that you're just there. Not being able to do anything. at. all.

Everyone else.

...sweet zoe jane

Thursday, March 11, 2004


To all you wonderful people out there!!
This concept never ever fails to amaze me:

Transparency does not mean dependency.
There is a huge distinction between being honest and being dependent on another person for you self-worth.

I've been plagued with the theme of Identity lately (3 paper, 1 study and 1 talk and many conversations). Where is your Identity? where do you place it? where is it embedded? Coming to canada has provoked me. Like crazy. So here's my two-cents worth:

Place your Identity in God and in God alone.
He determines who you are and more importantly your Worth.
When you have established yourself in his unfailing and neverchanging perfect being, relationships become a lot less of a hassle:

In that I can be completely transparent with someone, I can be completely vulnerable, without fearing, without the possiblity of being crushed.
Hurt? yes. Always a possibility. But the magnitude of the pain would be much less, definately not life-shattering. Simply becuase my strength is found in God. Being vulnerable doesn't entail weakness, it entails honesty.

So I can, with full confidence of my Identity in Christ, reach out and build deep, intimate relationships without imposing on another for my self-worth, and without holding myself back, for fear of being crushed.


It's all about Jesus.

Blow my mind!!!

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

I think transparency is a beautiful thing.
It makes you want to live your life in a way that leaves you unashamed.

I endeavor to be transparent here.

so, see the art in me

On another note,
Talk to me. I will listen and I will love.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


Keeping my identity and self-esteem in focus seems to be the over-riding chore of the day lately. Sometimes, I pray that everyone in the space around me would just disappear so that I can be left alone, with no one to judge me. I just want to function alone, in peace, without the draining weight of keeping "the other" in balance. I know my self-worth, I know my identity, and I know that it is all found in Jesus. But that's the thing see:

Me and God, we tight.
Me and Society, we fight.

I am crippled in this. I cannot function to the best of my ability. I pass up opportunites and possiblities because I am riddled with the fear that "the other" sees me as inferior, ugly, sad and unacceptable.

I am sorry.
Now give me another chance.

In my heart of hearts I know that the solitude I seek should not be that of being singularly alone, but being intimately alone in the presence of God. God completes man, and makes him whole. Now make me realize that.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

I hope it rains today

You can keep me company
As long as you don't care

Easy peasy.
I remember realizing sometime back that one's pyschological depth would entail an ability to understand the psychologically shallow (whom, by the way were more often then not spoken of in a condescening, pitying matter. poor blind folks.)

Of course that isn't true and that mentality springs from chronic blindness on our part.
The deep emcompass the shallow
Like how any ocean would have the means to capacitate a pond, or any bucket a tea cup, any more for anything less. So it boils down to the fact that we're different, that's all. No such thing as shallow deep intense weak etc etc etc. We're all the same. just different.
All equal. Just different.
All broken, Just different.
All having worth, Just different.

And though I know you can't appreciate it

Because we're different.
I make choices.
Some to be blind.
Some to be deaf.
Some to be mute.
And most to be blank.

To save the agony of being misunderstood and frustrated with our differences.
Tried tested true.

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn't accidentally tell you that
I'm only happy when it rains

Garbage :: Only happy when it rains