Saturday, July 29, 2006

please understand that I am strange and am trapped between two worlds, Canada and Singapore.

I lead two part-time lives to earn enough existance to make these identity-ends meet.

Friday, July 28, 2006


Won't you tell me something true? I believe in you.

BTW Tristan, Happy Birthday. You're special.
Everything's made to be broken

It really isn't hard to win my love: Have self-assurance, and a world view a little bigger then yourself, and you will have my unequivocal affection. Then the humour, laugh at me, and I will laugh with you and hold your hand.

Sitting in the back seat of Belmont's car and listening to the boys chatter easily without me, I think I have found a new level of happiness. I am absolutely content.

I just want you to know who I am.

God is the frame within which I maximise utility: Scroffs Tom,
Unaware that he has contributed to my quest for truth.

Thursday, July 27, 2006


As the gifts of life that only truth can bring, I am living a life whose perfection I cannot believe to be rivaled by any other. Show me a girl happier then myself, and I'd show you an illusion. Now if only everyone could be as happy as I.

Meeting up with old friends, and making some new right after, making love to a city so dear and yet so oblivious. Making pasta from scratch, indulging in wine drenched in candle light with friends whose affections hold me captive. Then comes the gin and tonic and the C.A.N cafe, all dancing together, blurred by the fuzzy layer of sheer glee that layers my existance now.

And with a calendar bursting at the seems with lives to share, I cannot but feel that my happiness is so intense, it's almost poison. I'm so high, the air's getting thin, I might just choke on my own laughter. And then what? No matter, I'd petition for the government of Laos to import their beer to Singapore, so that Denise and I can drink ourselves silly on bliss.

goodnight world. I love you.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

With escatology assured, what matters now is the process of getting there.

Always keeping in mind that the difference between a gift and a curse that between love and selfishness, as with the ending of a journey being a story of strength, or weakness.

Thinking back to the entry I had posted on men (and the lack of good ones) in the dating world, (yes Dustin, the one you went berserk over), I remember how I said that I was depressed at "the lack of men who would travel round the world to be with you, much less save you". I think I've gotten it sorted out in my head: I was someone who can and will fight for what he chooses, and not someone who just falls for what he cannot resist.

I just don't want to wake up 50 years from now, repeating the pained words of Bridget Jones: "You never mustered the strength to fight for me".

Ahh but it's not that hard really. Choose and commit.
But choose wisely, and with both head and heart.

Let's go.

Monday, July 24, 2006

I think, if he were to get to know me as a person, MM Lee Kwan Yew would understand. 'The Singapore Story' has revealed him to be an astute person, well versed in life and living.

And he has summed up my sentiments with searing precision:

"Kinship and feelings for one another cannot be legislated out by a political decision."

~ The Singapore Story, Chap 43.
It's Monday morning, and the work for the week is already driving me nuts. 30 pages left and it looks like eternity more so then ever before.

Sometimes, goodbye means nothing at all.
I'll come back, and make you catch me everytime I fall.

I will be loved.

It comes, thick hearted with a light touch.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

They get their Hymns from Him.
...As much as we and the WASP*s do.

They swear, have lots of sex, do drugs and have supremely inflated egos. Kings of bling and coke, but still oddly, the song-writers who have succeeded reducing me to tears on the bus.

Kanye West and his crew speak of christianity from a different sociological angle. And one that cannot be written off for it's faults. I believe that they have revealed truth as experienced by their community. If Dan Haseltine was discriminated against for the colour of his skin, and entrenched in a history of exploitation and slavery leaving his community with little choice but to turn to abusive substances and crime, Jars of Clay would be spinning tracks wildly different from the ones that we know.

I think it'd be good for us to recognize truth in what we Christians see as 'improper' or 'worldly', and to think critically about our own Christian Culture. Especially in Singapore for Christ's sake, where the churches with their respective denominations find their roots in the terror of colonialism. The way I see it our christian culture, as with every other sphere of cultural development, is dictated by those in socio-economic power: the WASPs.

Kayne moves me to tears becuase he expresses the spiritual journey of the oppressed. And these weigh heavily on the heart of God. So while we're locked within our cultural lenses, let us be open-hearted and love those who are glaringly different.

And understand, and live according to the simple truths: That Jesus walks with them, and that He'll doesn't intend on letting them down.

*WASP: White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.