Tuesday, January 14, 2003

I'm dead tired.. the smoke is really getting to me. That's it, once i get my teaching license i'm outta there.

But on the whole today went well, the people i call, being teachers are markedly more pleasent then the general populous i guess so that's a plus point.

I got my pay confirmed.

Now i just have to tell them that I can't do saturdays....


I'm just so so tired..

Monday, January 13, 2003


... it's math. without the 's'.

I'm so grumpy... that's the result of doing nothing but fiddle with kids software... like "help junior collect the correct answers. Watch out for the scary monsters!" and the entire place reeks of cigarette smoke.

I'm the only female,
I'm the only non-smoker,
I'm the youngest,
I'm the only chistian I think...

They're nice friendly people, but in a rather fallen way.

I need to discuss my salary?
yeah, you wanted 800 right?
Yah but the ad did state 6 -7 per hour
Well, we're flexible, if you want 800 that's fine too.
I'm flexible to, to 6 -7 dollars.
Fine, it will be $6 an hour.

My only hope is that i can trust them on that one.

My prayer

Contentment in my job, I was placed here for a reason.
A vision beyond my pay.
To seek first the kingdom of God and his rightousness.
To be a good testimony.
For the work of my hands to be a blessing to my community.
Strength (especially for my lungs)
Confidence and capability...

... and all these things will be given unto you.
And i'm so picky about the pay... ack...

Reading back to my previous entries, i know that i was hoping for too much... really, everything is fine.. it's just the smoke... I need healthy lungs...

Hold me

I'm still tired after yesterday... I'm now scared... somehow very scared.

Sunday, January 12, 2003

It's time to let you go.

You've done so much in your own little way, shown so much - in terms of love, wisdom, frailty and loss.
I see through you, that even the strongest and hardest can need so much
This journey with you has renewed my strength and confidence - in myself, in humanity and most importantly, in relationships.

I'm almost afraid to accout for my loss.

Thank you for the laughter, self-irony and enouragement
Thank you for being who you are to me,

And for letting Him use you
... despite what you think you are.

Hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me
Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I have never been there for you
don't tell me why
nothing is good enough
Hey little girl would you like some candy
your momma said that it's OK
The door is open come on outside
no I can't come out today
it's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
and threw you to the ground
who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough
so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...

And i have the sense to recognise.... that i don't know how to let you go.
From me to you.

Broken trinity
It's been too long.
I've been too far.
I'm not sure if I know what to do anymore...

But hold on to the hope in my heart that 4 years cannot die so easily though fingers contiunally grapple with me, and a voice saying... you never were


We twist and turn where angels burn
Like fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death...
The death of you

Only time.


Only you saw me through this day, and I know you will see me through the next.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His rightousness and all these things will be given unto you.

My love
you know that you're my best friend
you know I'd do anything for you
my love
let nothing come between us
my love for you is strong and true