Amen

Writing in 1856, the British naturalist Alfred Russel Wallaces states:

The five cells are silky-white within, and are filled with a mass of firm, cream-coloured pulp, containing about three seeds each. This pulp is the edible part, and its consistence and flavour are indescribable. A rich custard highly flavoured with almonds gives the best general idea of it, but there are occasional wafts of flavour that call to mind cream-cheese, onion-sauce, sherry-wine, and other incongruous dishes. Then there is a rich glutinous smoothness in the pulp which nothing else possesses, but which adds to its delicacy. It is neither acid nor sweet nor juicy; yet it wants neither of these qualities, for it is in itself perfect. It produces no nausea or other bad effect, and the more you eat of it the less you feel inclined to stop. In fact, to eat Durians is a new sensation worth a voyage to the East to experience. ... as producing a food of the most exquisite flavour it is unsurpassed.

Love is the demon and I'm the one he's coming for

...I'll tell you all about the girl who just refused to fall.

Dear Josh,

I just don't know what is good and bad anymore. Any attempt at telling myself that goodness is ___________ sounds like a throwback to the institution, to the things that... are... fear-driven, conservative (in the political sense) and stifling. I am so happy here and now. And am aware of danger and possible hurt in the future. What else does god want from me?

My mother told me: Don't think that way, of what else God wants from me. Because he is already pleased with me. I don't trust that anymore. Therein lies the lie - that I am not good enough.

I think that will always be my spiritual struggle - that deep inside, i will always fall into the trap of thinking that I am not good enough because of ____________. and therein lies defeat.

One step at a time. I hope this is my path to victory, if only through redemption. Because I cannot do anything anymore.

Hannah