Saturday, April 03, 2004

What a day.
What a life

I'm in love. Like strawberries with cream and chocolate cheese cake and postmodernism.

How extreme

Friday, April 02, 2004

Holy Crap.
I've built my life around God and now I an rendered absolutely helpless without Him.


I cannot function


I'm falling apart at the seams


My gifts are rotting and mutating and becoming gruesome hideous vices.


I'm so tired


Where am I?




Oooooh bloody hell....

"Do you doubt my ability to be a human being?"
A respone to two situations.

1> When you don't trust me to understand or at least to love.
"I can't tell you. you'll freak out"

2> When I don't trust you to take care of yourself.
"Have you eaten? are you hurt? are you tired?"

Different levels. One egocentered humanity.
gah. What misplaced faith.

We all need to be infinite.
That way we are everything and we encompasses everything and we know everything.
That way there is no room to hide or for deceit or for darkness.
That way we can understand each other perfectly.
That way we can love perfectly.
That way there can be perfect peace.


We can't be infinite. We're human



That's God for me.
Beyond the Finite, yet connected and encompassing and knowing and functioning and moving.


Lay off the postmodernism Hannah. Seriously.
Arts One 001 00A

Q: Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg? Discuss.

The past 7 months have been very life-affirming. Even more so now that I am getting comfortable.

The fact that it's snowing in spring helps.

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Cherry Cokes

'So that's my story'

So you can see my bra, underneath my shirt
Watch the wind, underneath my skirt
But that ain't the picture it's just a part
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart

And i've got to learn to stop assuming
That's us for you. And i've found the super structure. And it all makes sense.

"I'm so tired of the dance
This carousel of superficial conversation gets me nowhere"

Even deep goes nowhere sometimes. So I realise listening isn't enough, experiencing perhaps is the key. It's like love, can't be explained, can only be experienced. And the coffee and cakes go on and on and on and then you realise that there's so much more to life and to people then can ever be summed up in a little package. I wonder why I try to simplify people so.

A broken heart's a natural function

Crap that's what we are. And in all this gabra about love and the system and life. It all fits. With a system that loves, we break to heal.

Logical, metaphysical, truth.


God is love.

Have i mentioned that I am overwhelmed, and that I've been overwhelmed for the past 6 months? It gets pretty intense.

Lyrics :: Amanda Marshall ~ Everybody's got a story that will break your heart.

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I left the night with the resounding exclaimations of how funny, kiddy and cute I am.
And that's awesome. I bend and flow.
But I am also twenty, with that many years worth of life.

Wah Lau, you sound like you've been through a war or something.

You don't have to go through a war to look around the UBC campus and decide that life is beautiful. Life is life, and it's beauty radiates from within. Let's not abdicate responsibility with regards to who we are. Get down, be proactive, responsible and aware of who you are beyond yourself. Fatalism isn't acceptable when it comes to WHO you are inside. Who else has the power to change you? Lets not say 'God' here. He gave you free will. It's in your hands. Now face up to that challenge. Full power and authority. What else can you ask for?

Happiness is a choice, and all the shit you go though should make that choice, and your decided happiness, all the more precious.

Take a ride

And in the midst of all this, I think we need to be careful.

"This thing you call Love, she smiles way too much"
Taxi ride ~ Tori Amos

Monday, March 29, 2004

Some things are really not expected.

5 hours away, for caberet.

You must remember this...
There is so much more to the individual then the other. There's so much one can be when he is God-centered. One's potential and one's reality don't necessarily match. I'm not there yet. I realise young-at-heart doesn't equate to young. And god forbid I simplify anyone and that anyone simplifies me. It's spring. I'm free. I'm very very free. And being otherwise has never crossed my mind. This is my natural state of being. I think I've gotten beyond dancing around and now i'm straight moving to living and loving with absolute freedom. I've learnt so much in a moment. Blown away. We deserve so much more. and its just a matter of reaching.
I'll keep moving up and on...
... as time goes by

and you should too.