Saturday, August 23, 2003

Deep breath

I'll be gone in 9 hours.

Good-bye Singapore.

I love you all.

For the support,
Time spent,

basically for letting me live.

*hanging on tight to Jesus*

He'll take care of me, I know.

To you.

You got my mails,
You know I love you,
Now do what you have to do.

Friday, August 22, 2003

Every morning I wake up and struggle to get out of bed.
It doesn't help that I can't call you.
It's as if I don't want the day to start because it means that I'll have to battle it alone.

What amazes me is that I never noticed how dependent on you I was till you left.
I have to resist the urge of e-mailing you/smsing you/ICQing you every moment.
It's strange not having you to experience my life side by side.

Enough about that.

At least I don't cry anymore.

So i'll be leaving in 3 days.

and how does that feel?

I have no idea. I can't seem to organise my feelings. I seem to miss dennis more then well, fear going away.
Of course I'm freaking out. Like my mother can't go with me. But I'll be praying against this.

I know I'm supposed to learn independency but this is taking things a tad bit too far.
Or is it?

I wouldn't know.
It would be refreshing to be thrown out there in a foreign country with a lot of things to do.
I think I'll take the flight alone. I'd like that in fact.
Means I can't whine or be squishy on anyone.

It's not healthy really, I'm getting these surges of emotion.
I'm scared.
I'm so darn excited I could wrestle a bear! No fear!

I think I'm bi-polar.

Oh well, but God has been good. Seriously so. I think I just need to pray a tad bit more.

The great thing about everythings is that hell, I have no choice but to trust Him.

About time.

I'm excited. Great things are about to happen.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

"Hi did anyone call for Hannah?"

"Uh, this is the Naval Diving Unit, do you know who called you?"

"oh. Dennis Tng"

"Ok, I'll get him to call you back"

Crash Boom Bang.

Hope it didn't hurt too much baby.

Seah Street Deli

I got the name right this time.
I will miss the dinner treats and the open fellowship.
Thank you for making the effort to be God's instrument.

I'm not high mantainence, but for you, I'll make the effort.

I cannot thank God enough for you Josh.

Funky shorts

Get me a pair alright?

And well, I know you've heard this a million times.

1) read the bible
2) pray continually

This is how you know I'm dead serious when I say that I care.

I can't seem to articulate the importance of it all.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Out from the old ICQ achives

"one of the things i wrote in my blog: seriously, i tink hannah knows me better. she can sense my moods, she can cheer me up, she can talk it out of me, she can read my mind, she can complete my sentences."

"then again, ive always loved you, one way or another. so i dont think its gonna be any harder being nice to you."

"hannah.. you ARE weird. the thing is that.. so am i. and so is everyone else. you're just weird done in the best possible way."

"no hannah... i bet you if you were in front of me right now, i'd still melt."

"you just make it all alright.. at the same time make it so much harder... its crazy. its just the entire circumstance."

"hah.. you're wonderful you know that?"

I wonder why I bother posting all this up. Like some desperate attempt to bring everything back.

I'm breaking apart.

i know but i'll face the consequences when i get there...

I'm there. And I'm sure as hell trying!
8 am on a Wednesday morning

Boarded the bus.
Got off the bus.
Got into your parent's car.
Saw you in the distance.
Looking like I did.
Trying real hard not to show all the insecurites that
To burst out and scatter you all over.

Sat on the seat.
Walked around the space.
Spoke a little to your friends and family.
Watched you in a strange distance.
As you trooped away.
Stepping out into some choiceless realm that
To change and snatch away all that you want.

Who's gonna pick you up When you fall
Who's gonna hang it up When you call
Who's gonna pay attention To your dreams
Who's gonna plug their ears When you scream

Drive ~ The Cars

It's not as hard as I thought it would be really.
I imagined you walking off, waving and me dissolving into a soggy mass of hair, tissue, skin and clothes somewhere on the pavement.
Then Ziiq would worriedly fluster around me.
And Jufri would be limpy amusing.
But well...

You just left.

Who's gonna hold you down
When you shake
Who's gonna come around
When you break

I don't know how well I'll survive without you.
I think it's not you Dennis Tng that i've been depending on but just a sheer presence for me to count on.
I'll have to shake that off and well, piece myself together when I break.


But well, You'll drive me home soon.
For now, scary thing is, I really don't know how I'm feeling.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Come up to meet you, Tell you I�m sorry, You don�t know how lovely you are
I had to find you, Tell you I need you, Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, And ask me your questions, Let�s go back to the start
Running in circles, Coming tails, Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It�s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Take me back to the start

I was just guessing, At numbers and figures, Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, Science and progress, Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, Come back to haunt me, Oh when I rush to the start
Running in circles, Chasing our tails, Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
It�s such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard
I�m going back to the start

~Cold Play. The Scientist

Monday, August 18, 2003

Bated Breath.
I'm just waiting.