Friday, November 03, 2006

When the only thing he asks of you is to be honest, then you know you have found something very special.

And don't ever, ever, let anything tell you that you are unworthy or not beautiful. If you do not bleed for these lies, someone else will.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

I want to love another girl like how Tori loves Beenie.
Or vice versa.

If you want inside her, well, boy you better make her raspberry swirl.
Things are getting dear desperate when all the boys can't be men.
Everybody knows I'm her friend, everybody knows I'm her man.

"In some of my relationships with a few of my women friends, I play a certain role. Heh, this is really getting in...I know, I hope my father's not watching this. He just doesn't know what to do. The straight-jacket's coming. But you know I always told my dad - you know, gays, lesbians, he just has to get used to it. One of the neices and nephews is gonna be one, he's just gotta get ready. So what I said was ah to Beenie, who's the love of my life. My husband understands this, that we're married. We're absolutely married. And I adore her with all my heart. And she's dated some idiots. And I hope you're watching. I want you to know what I think of you and in another life, I'll absolutely kick your ass. And I'm going to kick it right now actually, because this is for her and I'm in love with her." ~ T. Amos in Storytellers

"The animus in me is raspberry swirl, I'm in love with my women friends, but I just don't eat pussy. But I'm in love with them. If I had a different sensibility, then you know I think I could, you know, really fulfill someone down there, where a lot of men in their lives don't. And eating pussy is a metaphor, too - it's about crawling in there, being with their juices, really being with them."

Oh, she has something that I jealously want.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Go ahead. Own me.

'I don't think I deserve a guy like you.'
'What? I feel undeserving of a girl like you.'

'... I guess that means we deserve each other lah. We can maroon ourselves on a desert island and die.'
Say goodbye, say hello
To a lover or friend
Sometimes we could never understand
Why some things begin with just love
We can never have it all

Dear Tristan, I have always been a little teasing of your taste in music. And 'Rainbow' by Southborder has not been spared the brunt of it. But I would admit, that this song is beautiful and isn't far from the sentiments of my heart.

I have found a friend in you, been confounded and exasperated by your conundrums and choices. I will always adore you for the apparent contradiction that you are. I think we will always be friends in some capacity or other. And while I wish for more of you in my life, I am happy where I am.

And this extrapolates into Dustin, Curto and the rest of the navs. There will be a time to leave. University never keeps you for long, and with the passing of time will come the leaving of friends. I fear April when we will walk our seperate ways. Dustin, you have been a deep blessing to me. I look up to you immensely and have been taught much. I sincerely believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. Our friendship has been carefully crafted before hand. You will always have a friend in me.

Dennis: Goodbye. I had a lot more to say, but it is all pointless and passe now. Looking back to the post-it note break up, I can only say that God takes people away from our lives for a reason. I would speculate a lot more, but there is no point. I only wish you the best. Have wisdom, have courage, and above all, peace, joy and Love.

Hello Belmont, this life is wonderful. I won't need to say anything to express how I feel or what I believe. I'd walk you through it, day by day. It has begun.

Can you feel me?
This is such a wonderful place to me

Rainbow ~ Southborder

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Whenever Gladys sends me an email, I freak out. I so worry that something has happened to her, that she might be lying across the continent, sobbing broken-hearted tears. And nothing quite picks up my day when I open her email to find:

love you hannah!

Oh how the Lord is good!

When him exclaiming to your face:
"What kind of SWINE are you?!"
Bring about deeper surges
of affection,
You know you have
something very
I know it's Monday and this post really should be for Sunday. But I think things have been internalising. I found grace.

I have had no faith in myself of late. I have recently entered a new relationship, it's of today five days young. In two months, I will fly away. And then God knows what will happen. I've been wrecked with fear. I do not trust myself in anyway shape or form to stay true to a guy who is actually, fundatmentally very different from myself. What will keep us together?

And amid Pastor Wan's message, the message of grace came through. That He is strong in my weakness. I cannot promise that Belmont and I will pull through, but I can promise to try and to submit our relationship into the hands of God.

Speak - say the words that no one else will ever say
Love - love like the world we know is over in a day

You're beautiful and I am weakened by the force of your eyes
So shine bright to separate the truth from the lies
I'm gonna show you love

So tie me to a tree and let the smoke and ash collect
No, I won't regret to let love do what love will let
We can drown in mixed emotions or walk across an angry sea
This is the cost of being free

I'm gonna show you love in every language
I'm gonna speak with words that need no form
I'm gonna give you what you never had before

And then I found it in myself to speak to Dennis cordially, without a desire to rip his guts out. Reinforced by Dominic's wide eyes and table-pounding fists, I remember how we severed ties, and how divinely ordained it was through post-it notes. (If you want to know the whole story, ask me! Or him!)

Touched once again by the wisdom expressed on his blog, I only want to say this to him:

As God is the answer, take courage in living actively for Goodness and truth.

I think I will always be tender toward him.
For the sake of the soon-to-be very distant past.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Never thought we'd be here

I think I can safely say that he is the best relationship decision I've made so far.

I want to be sure.
Sure of myself.
Like he is.
I look secure, but I am rife with a fear of myself.

I am so tired as of right now. I do not think straight when I am tired. For the first time in days, I feel the heavy, but satisfying weight of responsibility.

To be honest, I am a little bit fearful, a little afraid.

Out damn'd spot!