Friday, November 21, 2003

And the cow jumped over the moon
You ought to be a bard sometimes I think,
An engineer of words.

Run run as fast as you can...
You won't believe me, I caught the JingerBread man!

And David took 5 stones
And killed Goliath with one, and no Adrian,
Goliath wasn't his father...

And I'm a happy soul tonight...

Just that sometimes I think I'm a disordered soul. Not that I'm ruled solely by appetite or spirit. I think within me all Reason, Spirit and Appetitie take turns, morphing without me knowing.

I fear though, that spirit will be my undoing

Wound 39~ Mark ryden

Thursday, November 20, 2003


Cow: " I have the mind of a philosopher, the ambition of an engineer, and the will of a fighter."
Me: "the heart of....?"


Know thyself

ironic how it takes an oracle in the neither regions of Delphi to tell you what's innately personal.
Then again, subjectivity has always been a problem.
But since we're talking constructed realities here I guess the only person who really matters is... you.
And everyone who encompasses you.

I've never really dared give myself a full-fledged analysis of who I think I am.
I'm a sucker for the solid unchanging truths and personal perceptions of the self don't really fall under that category.
I think I can only look forward to what I endeavor to have:

The Mind of a Philosopher.
The Will of a Fighter.
The Soul of a Child

With the Heart of God.

And that's where I've found my reality.

Don't mess with the Cow!!!

That's what i'd like to be.

Though i know that sometimes I forget that everyone is as falliable as I am.
Even if I don't forget, I just don't remember.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Here I am
Will you send me an angel?
~ Scorpions

I don't need any more angels.
They're all here.

Stay tuned for 10 things I love about you.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

I read the blogs linked to mine
And remember, they're on public domain. Every action results in a consequence, even if it wasn't intended that way.

But for some, they move more then I'd like them to.

Oh well....

Adia I do believe I've failed you,
Adia I know i've let you down.
Don't you know I've tried so hard to love you in my way?
It's easy letting go...

I don't know who I'm talking to when I post this,
God or men.

But it is easy to let go, to just say to hell with it all and **** you.
But living in God means that there are just some decisions that you don't make,
That when you hand your heart and your soul and your mind to another entitiy all together, dammit, it gets tough.

God is love.
And I can't help that.

I search myself and everyone
to see where we went wrong,
There's no one left to finger
There's no one left to blame,
There's no one left to talk to honey
And there ain't no one to buy our innocence...

I'd like to say it's humanity. That it isn't anyone's fault. That's just the way we are.
But rather then just leave all to that,
It means that there's a hell lot more work to do.

Aida I thought that we could make it.
I try to find the strength to carry on.
Leave you to your misery,
A friend who won't betray
I'll pull you from your tower
I'll take away the pain.

I wish I could, but I'd have to deal with myself first.
I'm human too,
I know but I don't understand.
And trust me, that's frustrating.

Show you all the beauty you possess,
If you'd only... believe

Sometimes really a lot of things, not just god and stuff, really just boils down to faith.
That's the answer for humanity today.

Monday, November 17, 2003

3D reality

Blogs are selfish enterprises,
Little useless things in the face of a solipsistic world.
Who gives a damn?

But when they do, I think they do a great deal.
They give flesh to a face, to a name...
They show the backend of the network.

My life is here on this screen.
Read it, ignore it, glance through it, bypass it...
Decipher it.
Good luck.

To lay it down
Is to do more then I expect of myself.
Sometimes i want to scream that I'm human too, with my preferences and inclinations.
Sometimes I want to scream that there's only one of me and more then one of you.
Sometimes I want to scream, tell them to back off, stand up and find it.

But for the most part, I just want security.
And I hate the need in me.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

Cos I'm nobody elses but yours

It's every day
I'm in this place
I feel this way
I feel the same

Lucid... dreamlike and unreal. But i've never been so real before.
Did I not say that being a christian is a perhaps the biggest contradiction i've ever encountered?
It's the hardest thing to be, and the easiest.
The most costly and perfectly free.

Talk about polaric and all encompassing.

So many days within this ways
I need the truth
I need some grace
I need the path
To find my place

I need some truth
I need some grace
The part of you
That's part of me
We'll never die
We'll never leave

And it's nobody else's but mine

That's how I find solitude so beautiful I guess. That in solitude, I'm not really alone, and that when I'm in society, I'm seriously alive.

it's scary though what i've taken on sometimes. What if I stumble? Let's not think about that.

Breathe your name ~ Six pence none the richer.

Thank you Shu, for letting God be so powerful in you.

Is it all inside my head?