Saturday, April 17, 2004

Does being close to God automatically make one a well-ordered soul?

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding."
~ Psalm 111:10

Ahhh a stronger sense of wisdom.
So now you know.
Make it real.

To know God is to not to understand Him, but to be in a relationship. Relationships are different from person to person. The character stays the same but the relationship changes. So how can we prescribe?

Oh the big issues? Why so big? Just live your life with HIm and know his will for your life and leave the infinite issues to Him. If he reveals them to you. Great. If not, let's live victoriously.

The Aunt Agony of Vanier

I've seen the scrawls on the toilet walls. Sad stories, forums on relationships and sex. Helplessness Being Lost and seeking and wanting freedom and a way out from confusion dilemmas and pressure.

People are turning to the toilet walls for help.
I think we've got work to do.

Friday, April 16, 2004

Once Smitten, Twice Shy.

It's simple. It's toes. So you move like a jellyfish and rhythm don't mean nothing (nothing does) and you go with the flow. Don't stop. Move like a jellyfish? Don't. Stop.

Remember when you and me were just good friends? Now I've got a whole lot of reasons but I can't think of a single one that justifies. I might well have none, but I think I've got so many problems. Or maybe just to much time to waste. My dreams are picture perfect commercials and so related though they're often overinflated. And you were eating lunch at the D. L. G. when this little girl came and she sat next to you. You've never seen nobody move the way she did. Well, I did and I do and I'll do it again and my beauty will follow wherever I go, up the hill in the back of my house in the wood.

Now if you just listen, you might just realize what you're missing. You're missing me.
Now if I just listened, I might've just realized what I'm missing. I'm missing me.
And I all wanted was some.

But it's as simple as nobody knows (not even the queen of the hearts on the cards) that I'm infested with tarballs and scars.

You've never seen nobody move the way I did. Well, I did and I do and I'll do it again and my beauty will follow wherever I go. Up the hill in the back of my house in the would I love you forever?

You know, I could.
And you know I could.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Skip, Shuffle, Shine

I don't care what she says, it's in the eyes and the smile.
They sparkle and I catch my breath.

Yeah, I had a great day being intensely alive.

Edit @ 11.18 pm

ah you crazy gamer you

Rob Magus says:
it's what I do. way I see it, there;s three things people do to use up spare time. you can go out and do bad deeds. you can go out and do good deeds. finally, you can play games.

can you combine all three?

Rob Magus says:
oh yes.

and waddaya get?

Rob Magus says:
bippity boppity boo. you get politics.

(MIND YO??!!)

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Ok so my first final is over. It's sad and I'll hella miss my seminar group. Just when I was about to get comfortable as well. Alright Crawford, it was great. Bye. And BTW, i was the one who used to harrass their teachers. Watch it.

Here and now.
I had a good prayer meeting.
I'm fat.
I need a place to stay for next year.
I'm Happy.
I'm easier.
I'm light.
I'm pensive.
I'm innane.
I'm self-indulgent.
I forget.

Oh the incredible lightness of being... in the light.

It's all about the angle you take.
Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Oh I remember now what I wanted to say. People, don't respect you cos you're nice. they respect you cos you respect yourself. How's that for the man in the mirror?

Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Alright people, first paper tomorrow (correction, it's not a paper here, it's a final. A paper is something that you take home a mull over.) So tomorrow will the the last time I will write an Arts one essay, it will be the beginning of the end of the beginning. I'm trying real hard to focus my energy on here and now. That's all that matters. Singapore will be in a month's time, Somewhere Else, in 3 weeks. Now i'm here. Get used to that.

Edited 13 Apr 2004 @ 1.40 am

And one more thing I have to get used to. Larry is back, he's stronger, and he's ma-tas-ta-sizing faster then ever before. I'm feeling soft and warm and uncontainable. I look down and I see delicate plump living flesh. It's not ugly, but I don't entirely ascribe it beauty.

Though what horrifies me is that I am finding it increasingly difficult to bend over side-ways. I bunch up at the sides and larry condenses into a roadblock, a huge chunck of insurmountable celluliodal me. I wooble, my life-vibrations visibly resonate thoughout.

I like being more, I just have to be more... fit.

Monday, April 12, 2004

I'm here at UBC, as a full time student. But the strange thing is I've pretty much forgotten what it's like to study. After going through 12 years in Singapore, Canada's like an extended holiday. And just today, I studied for 5 hours. A record yet here in UBC. First in the caf, next to a window with the sun on my back. Sweating in the 17 degree heat indoors, walled up with books, files, papers and yes, my pencil case (what would I do without it?).

Then we moved to the shurm lounge, sinking into comfortable intensity. Shaking it every once in a while with a restless chair or a shy paperbag. The piano, the snacks and the mental workout. Consolidated thoughts painted in crayola markers across virgin sheets. 5 hours of the good life.

"When my mind is free,
no melody can move me"

Sun, sheets, study

Give the beat boys, and free my soul. I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away.
Mmmmm... life as I know it now, is ideal.
I'm tired, I'm weary. I'm fearful, insecure and scared. I want to go home.

But to soak in the sun, in a worry-free, intellectually stimulating environment with edifying people.
This is life.

Thanks for the joy you've given me

Drift away ~ Otis Redding

Sunday, April 11, 2004

I know that it's weak but God help me, I need this.

More is being expected of me.
Spiritually, relationaally, financially.
Suddenly, I find myself with huge decisions to make.

And one of them is whether or not I am to remain innane, ungrounded and inconsequential in the face of what really matters.

.:Pray about it:.
:.Pray without ceasing.:
.:.Let's pray.:.
:.:We're starting a prayer group:.:
.Have you prayed about it?.
..:I'll pray for you:..
:..Can you pray for me?..:
...Any prayer requests?...
:::At all times with all kinds of prayer:::
::I think we should pray::
Keep on praying, in the Spirit

The one thing prayer does, is to bring forth truth, which in turn acts like a torch. In essense, it reveals the little nasties that lie within your life. Then it reveals the complexities of the messy mass that are you are. Then it reveals the ultimate: that you as human, are utterly incapable of doing anything about the mess you're in. 'The mess' being synomonous to Humanity. Work within that all you can, you're still human.

Welcome to reality.

It isn't what you do. You can bow your head and utter incenseous prayers, you can herald applausable acts of charity and self-sacrifce and still...

It's who you are.
Prayer and obedience isn't what you do, it's a state of being.
As with everything else

To show? or to be?

I'm marking it down to learning

And I'm too small to realise this.

Bed of Lies ~ MB20