Friday, September 19, 2003

I sing in riddles.

The voice of an angel, I cannot tell
Light or darkness, heaven or hell
The smile of a believer, wedged and bound
Friend or deceiver, the truth or a lie

She sings in riddles, she sings in rhymes
Say everything and nothing at the same time
Still there's something to loose my mind
She sings in riddles, she sings in rhymes

Words of a poet, in perfect time
With Christians and answeres,
Every verse, every line

But I smile and I wonder, is there a song
I'm not always silent.
Is it right, is it wrong?

Questioned all the time.

I feel older, I think it has something to do with laundry and grocery shopping and distributing Vitamins to coughing peers and making sure that everyone can get home in time and....

I like the change in myself.
In making independent decision,
In solitude,
In challenge.

So this is what studying overseas does to you.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


I came with an open mind.
But not open enough to expect that others wouldn't do the same.

Day by day

9.20 am
After a shower.

9.30 am
At the caf

Breakfast (can't find my comfort cookie though)

9.40 am

Class slacking

Class intelligence


11.45 am
meeting for lunch


Lim Yiew and her scone

1.20 pm
After lunch, on campus

I love my campus

Inbetween classes

[door knocks, Shulin opens door to find Adrain standing at the treshold]
Eh, wanna go for supper, me and my friend are on level 2 having supper?

Half an hour later.

[Fire alarm goes off, we troop off down the stairs and run into Adrain at the 2nd storey landing which smells uncannily of smoke]
Adrain, what happened? micro-wave pop-corn?!
...Char siew pao

4 mins worth of it.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

It's amazing how everything relates to life.

"we rarely see things as they are. We see them as we are"
~SOCIOLOGY Your Compass For A New World

I woke up this morning and got a shock. I was in a strange room that was familar anyway. I was in my Hostel dorm.
I'm not used to this life yet.

Being so lost heightens my senses (of course what I think I sense). I keep discovering new things, I keep thinking and discovering.

And within it all, I see more clearly the hand of God working in my life.

"Dont deny yourself the process"

When the wave of panic hits,
process process process
Islam = Submission of one's will to God.
Something that I will have to learn.

It's amazing how sensitively I react to my environment and sociological placing.
Maybe I'm just Bipolar.
Or maybe just in need of a little more prayer and solitude

Catch yourself. Please.

Monday, September 15, 2003

I need to spend more time on my knees.
I need to spend more time understanding how things work.
I need to be careful, deliberate and aware.
I need to learn how to overcome.
I need to seek beyound myself and my selfishness.
I need to submit to God's perfect plan.
I need to acknowledge that we are all creatures of the same flawed humanity.
I need to understand my frailty, vulnerability and fear.
I need to embrace the path before me.


Solitude is beautiful, but you need someone to tell you that it's beautiful.

I just cannot stand this sense of desperation that rises up sometimes.
And the sense of dispensibility
And insecurity.
And fear.

That at the end of the day, I'm left tucked away in room 421 left to navigate on a little pixelated screen.
I have so much to learn,
So much to realise...

I can only wait till the process pulls through.

...It doesn't always work.
You mean it hasn't worked for you? why are you up there anyway?

It's getting so dark...

Plant your own future.
Trees grow.
If you let them