Pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pary pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray pray.

Just a few things on my to-do list.

I realise that fear is the devil's greatest weapon against me.

So yes, beneath it all, the smiles, the conversation, the pictures and paintings,

we are all the same.

And even though the brokenness really gets to me, I start to realise that as bad as things might get, they ultimately don't matter.

I hunger

And it's done me good.
This has a wonderful way of just getting your focus right and really kicking you into shape.

"makes you wonder: if I can give this up, what else can I do without? and it's alot"
~ Sarah

And yeah it is alot, somethings just start to lose their grip on you and you start to feel that yeah, maybe I don't have to be dependent on relationships, or on image, or on grades, or on anything other then God.

And there's a bounce in my step, not something that's heady and fluffy, but a serious kind of joy? One that's deliberate, carefully thought over and decided upon. Something that lasts for more then a moment or a night and that doesn't leave a hangover. One that comes from reflection, peace and contentment.

Not to say that all my troubles are over. Hell no, but they've taken on a fresh perspective, been reorganized and lifted. Like if I grew a few inches taller, i'm sure the world would be a very different place.

Womanning a booth

Post-modernist.modernist.Thinker.Feeler.Reason.Or no.Names.God.Culture.Countries.Truth.

I am human.

And very very unalone.

Part of my reluctancy springs from the fact that it isn't true and heartfelt.
I've never been more aware of my visibility and colour.

Anyway the NUS exchange students just landed in my caf today, and it was sheer bliss to hear the heavy accents and to indulge in dorky humour again. So beautiful.
We'll see.

...granted...
I do like you. Maybe.

Still amazed, still learning, still me.

I realise the worst relationship you could have with someone is when you know the person without knowing him.
Like a neighbour, or someone down the street.
You want to say hi, but you're not really sure. Not quite there yet.

I'll be back in society tomorrow.

We're all exactly the same I realise. Same thoughts, feelings, reactions and processes.
It's just the packaging that gets in the way.

But even so, being infinite wouldn't really help at all.
All you need is love: in it's strictest, purest sense.

Then maybe, walking out of my door wouldn't be so hard.

There was an ice hockey game on TV while I was fixing dinner in the lounge today. My floormate was rooting for Calgary in the game between Calgary and Vancouver but I didn't really care. Maybe if it were soccer or netball or something closer to home I might've cared a tad bit more. This just wasn't my culture.

Then some bloke on TV started singing O Canada.
It was the first time I heard the Canadain National Anthem.
Legalisitcally, my anthem.

Only then did it dawn upon me, the weight of my decision to come. That if I wanted, this land could be mine as much as Singapore is. That technically this land was mine by birthright, and more so then if I had simply migrated here

I'll be 20 in a few days time, 21 soon enough.

So, what will it be?