Friday, January 10, 2003

From Ling, my grundy muse

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.

No- not that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.

Now the question is... what were we hoping for at this time 2 years ago?

"so do you want me to edit it and add in a EXCEPT WHEN clause?"

We are only human. None of us can expect totality from anyone. But knowing this doesn't mean that it doesn't stab.

I pulled back the hood
and I was talking to you
and I knew then it would be
a Life Long thing
but I didn't know that we
We could break a silver lining
And I'm so sad

And I'm so sad,
like a good book
I can't put this day back
A sorta fairytale... with you

Portrait of a man drowning

It's an uncanny likeness - between a drowning man and one who's waving.

But if you're buy, and you have the time, tell the Northern Lights to keep shining - Lately it seems like they're drowning"

So I went by - cause I had the time, and told the Northern Lights to keep shining they told me to tell you - they're waving

It's strange both ways. maybe nothing more then a trival matter of perception... maybe a lost chance to save a life.

She smiles and laughs all the time, but we all know that she's only suppressing the troubles inside. Poor Pam.

Thursday, January 09, 2003

I love my friends.

Angie and Deb for plain ridiculousness. For the laughter, insights, sensitivity and pain, yes...

Joshua Ong Yeah i know we don't have many oppourtunities to talk cept for the bus rides home. Honestly, I love them. You're sensitivity and perception never fails to amaze me. Thank you...

Poooooowwwwwwwwwweeeerrrr Suit.

Monday 9 am.

My first legitimate Job.

Thank you God.

I'm excited. Not simply at the prospect of earning, but also to interact. The interviewers were accepting and personal. The working environment cosy and familiar. And the odd thought popped into my mind. This would be a good place to be a testimony I never thought of how i'd be bringing God into my workplace and the whole personal feel of the office just somehow felt like the perfect mission field.

So i decided that that would be what I want, though the pay isn't as attractive as the other prospects, everything else was perfect. So i prayed.

Hi may i speak to Hannah? This is Don we spoke earlier....

Are you saying I got the job?


*insert scream here.

I just pray that I won't screw it up.


He slipped me his number as he was alighting the bus... That's after tailing me for 2 bus rides.

The world isn't very sympathic is it?

Wednesday, January 08, 2003

Building a mystery taxi ride Give me one reason ain't no sunshine

Taxi ride
Lily is dancing on the table We've all been Pushed Too far I guess on days like this you know who your friends are Just another Dead Fag to you that's all Just another Light missing on a long taxi ride taxi ride And I'm down to Your last cigarette and this "We are one" crap as you're invading This thing you call Love - she smiles way too much but I'm glad you're on my side, sure I'm glad you're on my side still You think you deserve a trust fund Just because you Want one Sure you talk the talk when you need to I fear the whole world is starting to Believe you Just another Dead Fag to you that's all Just another Light missing in a long taxi line taxi line And I'm down to Your last cigarette and this "We are one" crap as you're invading This thing you call Love - she smiles way too much but I'm glad you're on my side, sure I'm glad you're on my side still Lily is dancing on the table We've all been pushed Too far today Even a glamorous Bitch can be in need this is where you know the Honey from the Killer Bees I'm glad you're on my side sure I'm glad you're on my side sure I'm glad you're on my side still Got a long taxi ride Got a long taxi ride


I hate crying. Hate hate hate crying.

So I don't... not often anyway

But sometimes the power granted to me is so so great, that in the midst of winning, of elation, it crushes me with fear, regret and the despairing knowledge that this is not all that i made it out to be. That we are human. So utterly not what we are. Forever changing, cursed with the fleeting, the ephemeral... Exposed to the dangers of ourselves, our circumstances and our choices...

Our choices...
Our gift and our bane.
That of all the creatures that walk this earth, only we are responsible for what we do simply because we are not bound primarily by instinct.
That what's in an animal is in a man, only this time, deemed damning.
That is the price for our higher existance. For having a greater sense, and a greater purpose for...


This thing you call love, she smiles way too much .... but...

That's my lot, that's my place of contentment... and contention.

I only have to understand the notion of responsiblity, disappointment, and being alone.

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

Honest to goodness true... I want to sing.

I never really said much of Canada, expect I love that place. Now comes the dilemma... which will i choose to be my motherland come 2005?

Anyway, thank you Uncle Ron, Aunty Irene, Ryan and Milton.
We had a fantastic time.
Thank you for you patience, hospitality and accomdation.
For showering us with gifts (Think milk)
For driving us around
For letting us stay with you
For all the fun and entertainment (think PS2)



Well babe, I'm getting me a temp job. I got 2 interviews comming up so yes beautiful! I see my career kicking of as a seafood promoter!! WOOOHOOO!

So i'm back here in singapore, being utterly discarded by the school system here and left to fumble my way around. I'm so excited...

1. Get a job.
2. Remember: 1st paycheck goes to Mum, 2nd paycheck...
3. Don't loseyour brain... i sense my grasp on intellect slowing seeping away. darn.
4. Go for lessons Singing and Dancing.
5. be financially independent.
6. Hello? God?
7. Learn to let go...

Love you all.

Monday, January 06, 2003

I'm home
... with so much undone.

Thank you, you all for worrying about me in my silence... I just couldn't get to a computer yah.

I have so much to read, so much to do, so much to accomplish... and yet, nothing.

Yeah DQ, it's the left behind feeling...

It's a disease I tell you.
And i Caught it.

Thank you...

For not finding anything within me to forgive...
Yet finding every reason for patience, protection and tenderness.
For 5 years of knowing,
For not taking anything for granted,
For the insight and stablilty I need.

For being used by God 6 years ago... even if you couldn't see how.
For allowing me a reason to be needed, even if you don't show it.
For showing me that i can love you, despite it all.

Yes my dear...
For making me oh so scared... and oh so secure.
For being perhaps the first person I will force myself to open up to in 5 years.
For allowing others to see your weakness... a strength i have yet to gather.
For the brains and the heart.
For showing me so many things.

For simply being beautiful...
For being fiercly protective
Your friendship is astoundingly loyal and strong.
For being straightforward, without malice, with love.
For your understanding and naivety.

You've done so much, more then our relationship warrents.
For being high, even when you're crushed inside.
For bringing humour to every situation.
For being gentle and kind when we needed it...
For being there.

For being such a big part of my secondary school life.
you have oft served as my muse in life...
You are... so big. Strong. Powerful

Joshie and Prissie
For constantly nudging me in the right direction.
For the spiritual insight.
For the encouragement...

Doc and Tess
For the fellowship.
For understanding. Understanding. Understanding.
Not being judgemental,
For being all human.

For the unchangable.
For so much.

For simply being small, cute and stupid...
and simultaniously powerful, intelligent and strong.
you're my bimbo friend.

for the fellowship, so open and simple and comfortable.
For the teaching, more then the art of performing...
Also the art of being.

The 3 tans
For being silly,
wild and oh so lovely.