Saturday, November 16, 2002

What fairy tale cliche are you?

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Friday, November 15, 2002

Which Piercing are you?

So passes the first week of my A levels. It's retarded really, I have a total of 30 exam hours, 15 of which zips by in ONE week, the other 15 are spread out over 2 weeks. This is what you get for taking TSD eh?

I think Jireh has it bad, her TSD paper and History S paper clashes so she has to take both papers, one after the other in a tiny lonely room. eek. Really, how many essays would that add up to? All her subjects are essay loaded. Uh, thank god for math?

Amazing how God has seen me through, though i know I haven't studied as hard as most people, prefering to spend my time on the Comp, the phone, in church, in pubs... Hmmmm... So after one week of grueling papers, it's time to hit the sack.

As Mr Harris puts it "Now you girls go get drunk tonight."
I love my lit teachers. ha.

So, I shall soon pack to spend the night at Andrea's. Ahhhh, there's nothing like food, good company and vodka. (BTW andrea, remember you only get to choose one of the following - sex, fags, alcohol)

That reminds me.

Ugh, I'm so sorry for what I tagged on your board. I didn't realise it would seem that way to you. Yes I did sense your intention of breaking into silence, I kinda meant "I think it worked and the malice gone under" not cowardice. Uh, nope. You've been beautifully strong for the past few months, not many would've survived in the face of such adversity, I just hope I didn't make it any harder for you. Thank you for being strong and ministering to me, though I don't think I'm the one that really needs to be ministered to in this respect. Gosh, what would i do without all you guys?

Hmmm, It seems that after 5 years of being closed-in, I can't really seem to connect with people properly, they've kinda... stretched. I have spent too much time judging people by my own standards, something i probably couldn't have helped considering I was the only one i was really in honest contact with for the past 5 years.... So we start again learning to have more faith more faith and more faith in humanity. That no Hannah, not everyone is as horrible as you are. RE-ENTRY... holds tight, holds on, goes.

Thank you all, for the patience, love and understanding.

From ling, Had to add this on

yep hannah, i miss farting around in lofty's swivel chair frantically trying to churn a script out..i miss feeling dirty and scruffy while bent over bits of cardboard, our self-declared best friends and guarding gels and gaffa tape from any greedy hands...i miss it so i'd willingly paint the black cardboard for consonants all over again..but i guess these things are pieces of our memories that we are meant to treasure thus the short span of these things....why did it seem like eternity to us when coming up with just the end of the script? i'd love to be tearing my hair over the ending of weddings afraid i'll forget these things, but i hope i wont.

*sniff* me too ling... Yeah clo, you were the best, you might as well have been in our group! In All our groups!

Thursday, November 14, 2002


*sniff* I miss TSD. Just read ling's blog: V-V-V....GRUNDY!!!

I was sitting in the workshop, fiddling on Megan's guitar surrounded by juniors. Juniors playing cards, juniors stoning, juniors sharing, being oh-so-close and hippie-like. That is how it's supposed to be. At ease, in love, in life.

Things haven't really changed. The funiture is falling apart, there are dangerous sharp corners everywhere, things aren't kept properly, tattered props, bits of things once recognisable not just faded bits of memories, old props which under creative fingers morphed into new props, there are crummy messages on the the white board, "now that your exams are over, please do a clean-up to make this place LIVEABLE and keep it that way" a smirk found it's way from my lips to my heart, it's never going to stay clean dammit, oh and i still haven't found my pouch... ugh, forget it, it's eaten up by the mess anyway.

Ahhh, and there were little archeological finds, proving Grundy's existance. The gaudy red and gold "Shuang Si" our golden claypot, that we never used... *sniff*

I miss all the late nights, microwave dinners of left-overs, boasters, The AVA, The Sound Room, The Studio, the goddamn temperature! Nothing beats AVA, Sitting around in nothing but short shorts and thin tees, surrounded by metal, 5 degrees above freezing, then running out to defrost...

I miss the call of the AVA, one place i fell in love with. I have always been afraid of the dark, and the darkness in AVA is suffocating. But after a while, once she has accepted you, the darkness becomes a cradle. I knew i found a home last year, doing shawn's piece. Standing in the right wing, blinded by the light (if i remember, it's sub-master 11 or 12) with a candle in front of me. Whilst waiting for my turn to deliever my lines, i felt my fear falling behind me, as if someone were unshrounding me, removing my cloak from behind. From that point on, I have never been afraid of the AVA... (ok maybe i have, but that's only because I'm worried that some previous group might have left their props beind, had it been something along the lines of bloodied wombs i don't think i would have survived)

I miss having Tandoori at 9 pm, I miss threatening Andy with good ol' gaffa tape (and how we worshipped gaffa!) Discussing chilli crab dinners in this presence. I even miss getting pissed at each other, for mucking around, for being too demanding, for being too slow, for calling the shots, but we knew that we loved each other.

I miss Ling's laughter, especially when she gets high, I miss Jiayin's horrified expression everytime we suggested doing something out of her comfort zone. (like the suggestion that she does my role as Sa-man-tha! Boob tube and all) All our cravings, bubble tea, chocolate, tandoori...

I miss the studio, the soft jaundiced light, how everyone looked like glass in the mirror. I miss how she played mother to us, her walls, acted as a refuge, where we could discover ourselves, devluge our deepest fantasies bring out the deadliest facets of our characters, and yet leave, knowing more then we ever could have had we gone another way, yet not being crushed by the weight of that knowledge. The air in the Studio is rich with experience, she has seen all, blood, abuse, love, hatred, fear, sex, all in one room - she is the bearer of human experience, and all our secrets are safe with her, group after group, will shed their tears and blood and they will change.

I miss the school by night, the empty bus stops, the sleepy energy that courses through the compound, the shadows and lights seem to flirt with us the night breeze through the plants on the other side of the fence.... while we painted and sang, folded bits of wire and talked, cut things up, sewed, cried, fought.

I miss escaping school and classes and assembly and running to hide in the studio, there was an understanding with the school, never come to the studio, that was our Pope's palace of the college, sacred and exclusive, to us.

I won't miss the college, the classes, the people. I'm happy to leave them all behind. But TSD, it will take time to come to terms with my loss, to understand that I have got to move on and yet never let to go, it would be impossible not to cry. For letting us be who we are without fear of criticism, for letting us develop and grow without hardening our hearts. For all that she has done for us. And for all of you.

Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Pretty!  I'm a rose!
Which Flower Are You?Find out!

Fuckit, I'm Sara!
Which Angelina Jolie are you? Find out!

Stellar!  I'm Vanessa!
Which Daughters of the Moon Character are You?Find out!

How Horny Are You? Find out!
Got this from Dennis' Blog. I dare you DQ. and Angie, how bout you and me at UBC?


50 things to do on a final

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes.Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat th is process every fifteen

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get PI and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attache d notes for
references as you see fit."

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the
phrase "Told you so".

50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"

rock me

Monday, November 11, 2002

What a day. What a day.

Thank you Ziiq, for talking TKSS logic. Totally.

3 hours of math, 3 hours of econs, a dead brain, a burised heart.

dang it.

And I still don't understand why I feel so uncomfortable in school, it's almost like I hate the environment, or it hates me. I can walk into a pub, anywhere with full understanding, knowledge, and assurance of who I am, my capabilities, my worth. But not school, it's as if it questions my basic being, as if I've never been good enough, pretty enough, bleh. What really baffles me is that I actually bother. I mean check out people (DQ and Angie will vouch for me right babes?) I can't respect 1/2 of them, they just don't seem to be... there, anywhere... so why do i bother?

This whole thing is straining me, I wonder how I'm being judged, and why i bother. They say it's because I haven't tried, that I was wrong, wrong time, wrong way, That i did this. At least that's how i feel, some can't look me in the eye. It's a hellish place. I just thank God for those who can and do. Love you girls.

Sunday, November 10, 2002


A week. One more week and I'd be a happy girl,
3 Weeks. Three more weeks and I'd really be a happy girl.

Thank you all for keeping me in your prayers, for the rest, I'm praying too.

Song of the day

... it's for you too... for today.

Don't wish it away
Don't look at it like it's forever
Between you and me I could honestly say
That things can only get better

And while I'm away
Dust out the demons inside
And it won't be long before you and me run
To the place in our hearts where we hide

And I guess that's why they call it the blues
Time on my hands could be time spent with you
Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers
And I guess that's why they call it the blues

Just stare into space
Picture my face in your hands
Live for each second without hesitation
And never forget I'm your man

Wait on me girl
Cry in the night if it helps
But more than ever I simply love you
More than I love life itself
~ I guess that's why they call it the blues by Elton John

Of course we gotta do a bit of a gender switch eh?

...Laughing like children, living like lovers
Rolling like thunder under the covers...