Don't fall down.
"Is this how you live your life? On the edge? "
"This isn't on the edge, you should see what I do with a pair of skis on my feet!"
~ An exchange between Jabez and myself on our last bike ride home, with me perched ominously on his bike as he valiently wrestles the vehicle uphill, knees poking awkwardly and heels clinging to the edges of the pedals, diaphragm dancing.
Silently growing in the midst of chips + guac, threatened water fights and draining the juice of a thousand cows is the realization of a new reality. I'm finding the dichotomy within me merging, thd 10 year old and the conservative christian. Where is the reality of me? Where do I meet humanity apart from the research essays and epistemological discussions and find meaning in mopping?
Don't stop thinking
Don't stop feeling
I love my job
---
Tonight might well be the last night I spend in 4178 west 10th ave. Tomorrow marks the dawn of a new mode of existance, of deliberate sharing, selflessness and other-centeredness. I will be roomming with Shu for 8 months in a house with three other, extremely, diverse characters.
Everyone flips out at the price we're paying for this room, and honestly I have no defence for this, except that this was a concious choice that we have committed to and that we're going to have to stick by. Ludicrious at best, I can only point to divine intervention into our living situation. Tony walks into Taco Del Mar, I screw up the register, He's interested in the Navs. As Shu and I quibble about our finances and weather or not we can afford the rent, USP and jobs show up.
Whose money is it anyway?
"When we acknowledge God's ownership, every spending decision becomes a spiritual decision" ~ Larry Burkett
I admit that at the end of the day there is a fine line between me actively seeking obedience and holiness and the me copping out due to the fear of taking responsibilities for big decisions.
Whatever, we're all on a learning curve.
---
I'm scared shittless about this new year.
And now, I;m going to take my computer apart and pack everything into boxes and wait for Curtis to drive over in the morning and whisk me away to a new life.
I have wonderful wonderful people in my life.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Running home
I had a great conversation with my brother last night. I realise that I actually know him more then I realise, that he is too much like me to ignore and hence, too predictable. I know him for what's inside, but not for his life experiences.
If there is one regret that I have with regards to coming to Canada, is that I'm missing the formative years of my brother's life.
I am struck and how little I think of him, and how non-existant he is in my life and only makes the occasional appearance in the odd coversation pertaining to Harry Potter. But last night, in the midst of blog hopping, I came across the lyrics for "Warrior is a Child" and felt a longing for reconnection.
His mime work always brought me to tears.
He is amazing, talented and charming, surpassing me in everything.
And I know that he is always a child.
I'm bringing home here.
I had a great conversation with my brother last night. I realise that I actually know him more then I realise, that he is too much like me to ignore and hence, too predictable. I know him for what's inside, but not for his life experiences.
If there is one regret that I have with regards to coming to Canada, is that I'm missing the formative years of my brother's life.
I am struck and how little I think of him, and how non-existant he is in my life and only makes the occasional appearance in the odd coversation pertaining to Harry Potter. But last night, in the midst of blog hopping, I came across the lyrics for "Warrior is a Child" and felt a longing for reconnection.
His mime work always brought me to tears.
He is amazing, talented and charming, surpassing me in everything.
And I know that he is always a child.
I'm bringing home here.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
I am suddenly craving the darkly artistic and melancholic life. Inebriated with the human condition, I yearn to walk around grainy and grotesque like a Fellini film, sighing to bemoan the ghosts of morbid normality.
Bring on the static jazz.
---
I just never thought that I'd end up hanging out with three Wisconsin boys.
~ Shulin.
Here's to a new life, a new mode of existance and a new paradigm, all reflected in a $600 ikea bill.
Being all independent and adultish is so unglamorous.
Bring on the static jazz.
---
I just never thought that I'd end up hanging out with three Wisconsin boys.
~ Shulin.
Here's to a new life, a new mode of existance and a new paradigm, all reflected in a $600 ikea bill.
Being all independent and adultish is so unglamorous.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Selah
You won't believe.
I screw up at the cash register at the fast food place where I work, and end up having dinner the next evening with the customers who's tab I was struggling with. At their place.
I also end up with the possiblity of moving in with them .
Having a 'I need roommates sign' hung across your chest really works for things like this.
---
In other news, I need to move out. I cannot live like this, I have been reduced to tears.
I will leave this in silence for sometime until I have more of me to write.
Love,
Hannah
You won't believe.
I screw up at the cash register at the fast food place where I work, and end up having dinner the next evening with the customers who's tab I was struggling with. At their place.
I also end up with the possiblity of moving in with them .
Having a 'I need roommates sign' hung across your chest really works for things like this.
---
In other news, I need to move out. I cannot live like this, I have been reduced to tears.
I will leave this in silence for sometime until I have more of me to write.
Love,
Hannah
