Friday, November 26, 2004
Thursday, November 25, 2004
You've been living underground
Eating from a can
You've been running away
From what you don't understand...
I lay on the floor of the bathtub today, feeling the water carass my bare back, teasing my eyes, lips, nose while I surrendered to the convicting realization that I cannot control the way things are and that Isaiah 55:9 really means what it says. This entailed letting my brain drain away with the dirty bath water, and letting my despotic use of logic seep through my scalp, down my hair and into the drain. Let it all be You God. And then Sarah walks in and reminds me that I have a life to live.
You're sliding down
She'll be there when you hit the ground
God is the biggest flirt in the universe. He is Dionysis, giddy and dangerous, making drunk and defying reason. He is the concentric being, folding in on layers of existance and realms of understanding. He drowns all creation in his being. He is honey that confuses and gives peace. He is crazy, and he's dragging me deeper under. I can't feel my limbs or hear my thoughts. I've schizoed out into another world where I have nothing to hold on to, but Him. I quite like this though, just me and a terrible unsafe being, love. I'll fall down and I know it'll hurt to fall, but there's more happening here then a bunch of grazed nerves. I will reach the outermost layer of the universe. He, the quintessence of empiricalism and truth.Let her talk about the things you can't explain
To touch is to heal
To hurt is to steal
If you want to kiss the sky
Better learn how to kneel
(on your knees boy)
I have an issue with faith healing. I think I also have issues with Faith and Healing. Today I came face to face with my lack of faith to make empirical claims and prayers lest God fails and I falter. I need faith healing, my faith needs healing. I'm going to stay here on my knees, and wait for the sky to kiss me. Inexplicable grace.
She's the wave
She turns the tide
She sees the man inside the child
She also brings him out.
17 or 23, there is always room for grace, emptiness to satisfy, hearts to love and lives to carry. The potential of completion, the power of redemtion and the promise of salvation, all moving gently to meet the man-child, with juice still staining his lips.
One day you will look back
And you'll see
Where you were held
How by this love
While you could stand
There you could move on this moment
Follow this feeling
I am a fetus carried in a sac of love. I am confused energy, disordered chaos waiting to be shaped into being and maintained. I am a madwoman, kept from self-destruction by a straitjacket. I am the comos before creation, and I have love waiting at the door of my heart. I think I can flow freely now. Channel me.
Lift my days, light up my nights
Pillar of cloud and fire, part the sea. Please.
We move through miracle days
Spirit moves in mysterious ways
I'd never say never.
The Day of the LORD
Joel 2:28 -32
"And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions. Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. I will show wonders in the heavens and on the earth, blood and fire and billows of smoke. The sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD . And everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved; for on Mount Zion and in Jerusalem there will be deliverance, as the LORD has said, among the survivors whom the LORD calls. "
Not in the face of the Creator.
Move with it
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Monday, November 22, 2004
I am insecure and unsure. I allow myself to be vulnerable and needy and mistake these crippling attributes for love. I dwell in hidden corners, lingering with my hands clumsily clasped to uncertainty. I cry words that have no meaning here, and write songs that are awkward and unbecoming. The ground beneath me lies blindly and I walk in circles. The distance is distorted, like mirages in melting heat.
Let me pour out myself in wisdom. Let me make this place fertile and powerful, integral in this upward climb toward betterment. Let this journey be returned laced in solid gold.
I will not lean, but I will touch. Not reaching down or reaching up; but across, to hold your hand.
Let that be enough.
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Tomorrow's a new day.
I've know you for 5 years.
It's been 5 years of frustation, exasperation and disbelief.
But at the end of it all, I'd say that putting up with all that was worth it.
You're damn amazing.
And you mean as much to me as I do to you.
I hate being so far away from you, I do.
You're a piece of me.
You've got a life to lead.
So lead it.
I'm on MSN, on e-mail, will be back in the summer.
I'm here as much as I can be for you.
You'll be just awesome.
And you're right.
You'll find Him when you think you're running out of time.
In my honest opinion, God is the biggest flirt out there in the universe.
And I bet you, you can't run from Him.
I miss you so much, I cry.