Wednesday, April 28, 2004

I'm leaving now.
Zai Jian.
Do widzenia.
Auf Wiedersehen.

Till we meet again.
And from the nature of the language, we will.


Tuesday, April 27, 2004


I have a dark side that doesn't surface in your presence. But only in mine. She's allergic to company, and retreats to the center of centers, where she cannot be found even by me. I am, like everyone else, two: one young expressive and vocal. The other is ancient, silent and watchful. She surfaces silently with great power and grace on lonely bus rides. Yet she is always there, her fingers pressing on my mind. Yet she's inexpressible, unsharable. Which is why I think there are glass celings to most of my relationships. She fears them, she is the Yin of the Yang. The darkness that keeps me human despite this. She lurks behind the twelve year old and sits deviously. But sometimes, she dances across my face, when I corpse out on society's play. Then the rule is to space out and keep it stoic.

With her in control, I cannot face you.
I don't fear her, she just represents the true brokenness that I am.

You are here to teach me to be honest.

"Is it so bad that I would shut you out and leave you here alone?"
Phobic - Plumb.

Don't be.

Monday, April 26, 2004

I've got a feeling...

Truth, and it's nature.
Irrefutable and pure.
Strong and beautiful.
So far away from my being.

If you never know truth then you'll never know love
~ Black Eye Peas

God = truth (inextricably idenified and defined by)
God = Love (inextricably idenified and defined by)

Truth = Love

Teach me to love, without myself.

And teach me to strive for excellence.
Not to idolize it, but to internalize and define it.
Make it a part of my nature, in my spirit and mind, in every move I make.

I need to learn to focus, to concentrate, to put all my energies and talent into a pool of something something.

All talent.
No passion.
No direction.

No worth.

Oh God, be my contact lense!

Sunday, April 25, 2004

.. . .Do my words flow too loosely?.. . .. . . .. . . . . . . . . .. .

.... . .... . .... . .. . .. .. ... .. . . . .. . .... ..Are my actions too cheap?... . . . .. .. . .

.. . .. . .. .. .. Maybe my intentions are muddied... . .. .. . . .. . . .. .. . . . . . .. . .. ..

Am I pure?