Music will always be my first love, for what it does to my soul and my spirit. I will never be good enough to stake a claim in her kingdom, but I will always want to have her in my life.

On another note, I miss Isabelle, she's my dear cousin with a great depth in her heart. She's too funny, too cute and too far away.

I am very grateful to the people around me. I say that my life is perfect and it is only because of you.

I have come to realise that I am a difficult person.
I do not envy the people who are entangled with me.

[[Edit : 1.56 am]]

I call you palindrome, but I really should call you paradox...
~ Mel, the muse.

Such is my life. And the question isn't 'who is able to love me?' but rather, 'can they love me successfully, throughout the length and breadth of my extremities?'

you love everyone, but love no one at the same time.

There's nothing quite as delightful as removing make-up. Slopping it on is not nearly half as desirable as slathering it off with essential oil and soap, revealing the protesting naked skin. The mask falls off yellow-black, ugly testament to the filth we carry ourselves through. And then eye-lids, once smokey gold, look calm again. Lips, before a suffering shade of burgundy, now soft pink and slightly chapped.

There's nothing quite as delightful as being natural. Be translucent in the light and dance like smoke, there's really nothing they can do to your world if you choose to be stable and secure in your own unique substance.

It's 1.24 in the morning and my twilight life is at it's peak. Only this time I am threatened to be wet with tears that refuse to come and fulfill my inner emotion. "He who laughs" has been left tear-stained, lost in a dettol-soaked environment.

And I sit here fretting over the inconsequential. I need to get over myself.

But for now I will bleed for him, for the apparent cruelty of God. But I am not here in the picture, this isn't about me and it is not my story. I can only trust that God is impeccably beautiful, strong and good.

And I will rest in this.

But yes,
OH GOD, HEAR OUR CRY!

In the car

Conviction or Convenience: Which do you live by?

At the end of my life, and though every moment of it, I want to be able to say that I lived through conviction, and not because something was easy. Easy living is easy dying.

I have found 2 redundant things in church, Politeness (as opposed to love) and defensiveness (as opposed to balance and openness). The first: why bother? The second: that's not the point.

And finally, I need I need I need to start being in the fellowship of God again. Else my ranting will be nothing but a resounding gong.

I have caved in.

So my 5 day diet of just fruits and vegetables isn't exactly a 5 day diet of just fruits and vegetables. I ended off tonight with vegetables in oyster sauce (yes, oyster sauce matters) and Aglio (no meat but it's still processed wheat).

Many of my friends and family are pleading with me to not be so harsh on myself. Bleh.

I do wish I was stronger.
Now I just want someone to scrape the insides of my stomache to get rid of the stowaways.