Thursday, January 13, 2005

Something died.


I love you. More.

And You better have a good reason for this.
Not everything that is useful has a point.
Not everything that is useless is pointless.

It takes wisdom to distinguish between the two and grace to decide which is more pertinent where, when and how.

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

A different story.

But the waves are calling out my name...
... And they laugh at me

If love is a choice, as I have learnt to understand that it can be, I choose the consequences and accept them to be as intense as the joy. We pay dollar for dollar, every ounce of being is accounted for and nothing is free, nothing is wasted. Choices obviously do not make the sum of existance, nor do they account for, or justify living. But they are the mode in which we exercise responsibility and action. They are how we express ourselves, and live out who we are.

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before...
...and failed

But at the end of the day, I cannot say enough or express enough. It's all well when I am an individual, but when another is here, when two walk the same path, the journey cannot be conveyed and words fail utterly. All I know now is that I am about to move. Someone said that the truth will set you free, but it makes you miserable first. I'm not sure how my choices have affected my future, I'm not sure how wise my investments have been, I'm not sure how true my being is. The story of my life is that I'm usually never sure. And I thank God that that's enough.

The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"

It is enough to be finite, to take painful decisions and yet live, to have hope in the face of no answers or reason. I am in no position to expound on the nature of answers in the face of a conceptual and spiritual void. When the tidal wave comes and washes everything away, even silence is brutal, I have no right, except for this little five foot realm that is me.

The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"

And I am praying that this will be enough. That the worst thing that can happen to a christian is not suffering, but disobediance. I don't understand His thoughts, but I do recognise His peace and His grace. Obediance is a choice, perhaps then, we can really choose when we die, and if we are to live at all.

Let this story be enough. Please.
You've granted me this much, and I love you.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I spent the evening rearranging my room.
I feel like a new woman.

Maybe this is what keeps us alive.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

"We're waiting for Hannah's ass to warm up...
I never thought I could say that and acutally be serious.
This is the moment of my life"


I went traboganing today, it was awesome, speeding down the snowy knoll outside the sub on illicit cafetaria trays. Nothing like charging down to a ramp and falling unceremoniously on powder, and then rolling off to have, literally, snowpants.

Hence the frozen ass.

But what really mattered, were the people.