Saturday, February 04, 2006

Fake Plastic Earth

I have a tendency to overwork myself. It wears me out.

She figured that if she walked in late, Dr H would have a little more time to settle in from class. And god knows how stressful it must be being a professor, in a worldclass institution no less. Drat! Too late. Does ten minutes seem polite? Or just tardy? Rude maybe? Relaxed, to a fault? To a fault! She darts, as much as she can, across the colourless campus, weaving around and inbetween inconsiderate laggards, lovers and the lot. Jerry comes round the corner, breaking her into a smile. Familiar faces do much for her, they bring a surge of life, like water from a whale's blowhole. Powerful and ungraceful. But what does that matter? Grace, she decides quite woefully, is overrated. The face pulls away from her and she sweeps herself along. That's the thing with familiar faces: they stay that way, familar.

What about intimate?

Anyhow, it might have been the hazy view of the Northshore mountains, the naive couples trailing by, but her thoughts drifted, as they .always. do, to carefully crafted conversations, situations...

She ends off powerfully emotional. Triumphant no less, with tears strategically welling up with just the right level intensity to sculpt her point out of pure rage. Sigh, life in the mind can be so much more satiating, then life in the real world, she tells herself, before cautioning her inner demons that this really is just a result to control. Sheer power is what she seeks. But what does that matter? She strides into the Asian center, taps on the handicap button and actually is lazy enough to wait for the darn door to open for her.

Does ten minues seem polite? Dr H doesn't seem to mind. "Have a seat" yes. I was going to anyhow. She checks her presumptiousness just before her hands grab the cusioned backing of the aged chair infront of an antique desktop, in a world class institution no less. You definately could see where the priorities lie here.

They sit, postures polite and language professional. Negotiating their relationship and the days to come. Amazing isn't it? How two complete strangers, two seperate lives can agree to... agree. This was one of the rare moments where she didn't wonder who this other person was. What stories built you? What lives moved you? None of that. Just correct talk and proper protocol, because she needed from her.

When did this happen? That her needs overrode the importance of true knowledge? That was when she realized, that she was to be an independent adult. And independence, almost always means isolation in order to fulfill a need. Gravity always wins. And in your universe, you are almost always the most weighted mass that exists.


Today, I also learnt that God doesn't guide us.
Nowhere in the bible did God promise guidence.
But he promised a Guide.

Guidence must come with the guide, as information from the informer.
It's a life of prayer, not divine fortune cookies.

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Earth is the Lord's

The beautiful thing about choir is that it rings with you for the rest of the evening. There is something magical about music and it's ability to speak in the stillest of moments and uplift the soul. And singing... I swear I enter each note as if in the presence of royalty, and through some unfathomable arrangement, dissolve into its timbre as if I were mere light.

and the fullness thereof


My demons will follow me through life, I am still tormented by the foolish young things I have done. And my demon's aren't really all that bad, a slip of the tongue here, an embarrassing moment there, but still enough to bare my brokenness. Now what then of those who's demons are deadly? Who's fiends are big enough to swallow them in their shadows?

Such hope must exist.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

And to those who tower over me, unfettered and fearless, you do tremble inside I'm sure.
If you've given me the power to love you.
Live life, and love.

All that talk about meritocracy is bullshit.
Life never goes the way you want it to be.

Protestant ethic or no.

LSATs on saturday. But never have I regretted giving up NUS law for UBC.

To the gym and back in 3 hours, elipticled 4 miles in 36 flat. Lunch with Tom in 11, and a 2h20min LSAT prep before my Novel writing workshop. Do groceries in the dark of night and make a 10 man Salad.

Try to be in bed by 1230. awake at 8 for bible study, meet Jeff at 12, debate at 1, confront proff at 2.50. Oh and don't forget to print out your CSR summary for your evening class.

I love busrides, they give me time to call people and actually talk, instead of swimming past them during the week. Zoom zoom zoom.

Foolish child, your life is so beautifully full.
And yet you still want a job.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Long day

Reach down your hand in your pocket,
Pull out some hope for me

It's all coming together -and- falling apart at. the. same. time.

Observing how poorly human beings function as a race, it's amazing that we've gotten so far, so fast. So what. So long. And at the same time, this fact seems telling of a grace that runs deeper then the cracks under our feet.

And no Lord your hand won't stop it.
Just keep me trembling.

Monday, January 30, 2006

And what did he give up? A mediocre life?
~ Sarah

What have I got to fear?

Sunday, January 29, 2006


"Dude, we like match today."

Says Tony to Andre as they both breeze out the door in black jackets, aloof light-blue jeans, brown leather shoes, and Timbak2 messenger bags.

Like a 2 for 1 deal. Really sweet deal.

"5 people who otherwise wouldn't choose each other as friends!"
Sarah to me, on how blessed I am to have such wonderful, and wonderfully diverse roomies.